The Devastating Thing That Happens When We Feel Like We Don't Matter In Relationships
"By the time my spouse died, I felt nothing but resentment," one person told me.
Patricia Perez R / shutterstock.com What happens when a person we love treats us with disrespect — as if we were unimportant or insignificant?
This reminds me of someone who once confided in me.
"By the time my spouse died, I felt nothing but resentment," they said. "In fact, I've never even cried."
This was coming from someone who was married for more than 50 years. Imagine how much hurt one must feel to get to a place of feeling so unloved and insignificant.
When we love someone, we will always work to keep our love alive. This comes by showing mutual respect, tenderness, sincere affection, honesty, and genuine love.
Real-world example — why respect matters
Here is the story of another couple. For the sake of privacy, we'll call them Claire and Joe.
Claire dated Joe and lived with him for a couple of years. Before they moved in together, they agreed that they would open up a joint bank account.
They talked about numbers and decided they would both put a certain amount of money each month into this account to be used for day-to-day expenses or set aside as "fun" money.
Claire kept her part of the bargain but Joe never did. Besides this, Claire also helped to fund home improvement projects, purchase furniture and furnishings, etc.
One day, Claire lost her job. Since this was no fault of her own, she was able to collect unemployment while she looked for a new job.
Long story short, Claire's unemployment ran out and one day she received a call from a bill collector. She was less than 30 days behind on her bill, and she was feeling very nervous and frustrated.
She had always fended for herself and was proud that she could stand on her own two feet. She had always paid her own bills and wasn't used to asking anyone for help — not even Joe.
An unreliable, disrespectful 'partner'
The truth was that Joe had never once asked her how she was doing or if she needed any help. She had given every bit of what she had to feel like she was doing her part to support and sustain the relationship.
When she discussed her financial status with Joe and explained that she had just gotten a phone call from a debt collector, Joe responded with an insulting expletive directed toward the collection agency.
Shouldn't it have been important to him that she was not standing alone in this position after all she had done for him or them as a couple? She had been nothing but supportive — a team player.
Yet here she was, feeling like she was standing all alone.
In this case, Claire was being treated like she was all on her own. This is not how we act if we are partners.
This was a very one-sided relationship. This wasn't someone willing to show an undeniable sense of love and support to his girlfriend.
Joe was unreliable and blatantly disrespectful toward Claire. The relationship was unsustainable.
How to vanquish feelings of inadequacy
How much should one endure? Don't be fooled by someone who doesn't have your best interests at heart.
Don't be fooled by someone who isn't willing to make you a priority in their life. They care more about themselves than they will ever care for or about you.
In many cases, when we continuously treat someone like they don't matter, the relationship becomes stagnant or ends altogether.
When we continually treat someone with disregard, they will eventually stop caring about our relationship as well.
Feeling like we matter is not just about money, finances or day-to-day activities — it's also about our willingness to make a sincere effort to spend time with our partner.
Plan date nights, an evening out with friends, a special trip to your favorite restaurant or just a night where you spoil your partner with all of the things that he or she loves.
Put sincere effort into your plans, and make sure they are heartfelt. This is how we gain a sense of pride.
Building trust and sustaining love
This is how we build trust and deepen the love in our relationship. Through these avenues, we are nurturing our souls and the souls of those we love and care about.
These are accomplishments we can feel proud of.
Love is a willingness and desire to care for and about another person.
It should come to us so naturally that we want to care about what happens to someone we genuinely love.
We will always want what is best for them under any circumstance. Knowing we can be there for our loved ones can be just as fulfilling for us as it is for them.
Showing our support to one another is a beautiful way to show our love and affection. It's a sign to them that they truly matter.
Kathy Thielen is an energy healer and life coach who focuses on happiness, self-care, psychic healing, and relationships.