Woman Asks If She's Wrong For Refusing To Split Costs Of Family Vacation Evenly With Sister Despite Not Having Kids
The woman has been paying unfairly for years.
Halfpoint / Shutterstock After enduring financial strain between her and her husband, one woman has demanded that her sister pays for her kids on their vacation as well.
A woman shared her story with Newsweek’s advice column and asked for some expert opinions on her situation.
“We've been going on vacation with my sister, her husband, and her 2 girls since they were born. We rent a house in West Virginia every year with them and our mom,” the woman wrote.
She has brought up rental costs regarding the girls in the past multiple times with her sister.
She felt that they should split the costs based on the headcount or room usage of both families.
“I was afraid of her getting mad and then not seeing my nieces while they were little (they live out of state), so I dropped it at the time, as she holds grudges,” the woman added.
The woman and her husband don’t have any children, so she felt that it was unfair for the costs to be split unfairly.
Additionally, when they are on vacation, her sister and brother-in-law demand to stay in the master bedroom while she and her husband have to take a foldable couch in the living room.
Recently, the kids turned 12 and 14 so, they needed separate rooms as a form of privacy.
As a result, they had to rent a bigger house with more rooms which cost more.
“So I said: ‘It's time to include the girls in the house cost headcount, now that they are young ladies in need of private rooms,’” the woman explained.
Her sister didn’t like this and got quite angry at her as she still didn’t want to pay for her children.
Instead, she went and told their mother about this, which made her turn on the woman as well.
“I just want things to be split fairly and not to be taken advantage of anymore. I should also mention that they have two houses, including one in a resort area, and are very wealthy. So it's not like they can't afford to pay for their fair share,” the woman added.
Experts thought that before communicating with her sister, the woman should recognize her role in their family dynamics.
“In the situation you described, you felt something was unfair and you voiced your opinion. But you were afraid of your sister's anger so you held your tongue for years until you reached another boiling point,” Dan Pallesen, a financial psychologist explained.
“This was again met with anger from your sister and pressure from your mom to back off. It seems you and your family value peace over fairness.”
Pallesen claimed that the woman’s calmness and silence about the issue over the years may have reinforced her sister’s anger and offered solutions to resolve their conflict.
“Instead of complaining about the accommodations, you may say something like, 'This is hard to bring up because I really enjoy our time together but I am starting to feel taken advantage of,'” Pallesen added.
A family therapist, Jennifer Kelman also advised the woman to communicate with her sister in a calm manner.
Kelman wrote, “I would suggest that you reach out to your sister and let her know that you have loved these family trips together and want to continue to have wonderful relationships all around, but have felt that there has been an inequity in terms of the finances.”
Sanika Nalgirkar is a news & entertainment writer. She has a master's degree in creative writing. See more of her writing on her website.