11 Odd Behaviors That Actually Mean You're Still Stuck On Someone From Your Past
You might want to move on, but are you ready too?
Anete Lusina | Canva It's been ages since you were in a relationship. Or you left your partner recently and wonder about dating again. How do you decide the best time to take action to find love? And are there signs you’re not ready for a new relationship?
So, what are the signs that let you know you're not ready? If you look at your behaviors below and notice any of the 11 indicators, you probably still have some healing to do.
Here are behaviors that actually mean you're still stuck on someone from your past:
1. You still follow your ex on social media
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You are not over your last relationship if you can't stop checking his social. Who is he with? What is he up to? This is a clear sign that your heart is not completely healed or you wouldn't care much about what he's doing.
2. You can't find anyone interesting
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You swipe and swipe, but the people are so unappealing. Nobody seems to capture your attention and you put your phone down and give up.
This is like a flashing neon sign that you're not ready. If you were, you'd see possibilities in some of your prospects.
3. You talk trash about men
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It's so easy to fall into this habit with your girlfriends. Talking about how all men are unworthy scoundrels feels comfortable, like a conversation with your best friend who reminds you of Samantha Jones.
But is this true? When you think all men are lazy, cheat, lie, etc., that's a huge red flag that you're still hurt and not open to love yet.
4. You don't want to give up any freedom
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Being in a loving relationship requires some amount of compromise, which is healthy and to be expected. However, if you are guilty of over-giving in the past and sacrificing your own needs, you may feel unwilling to give up any freedom. While that's understandable, it's also a symptom that you’re not ready for a new relationship.
One 2023 study found that couples who compromise in their relationship report higher levels of happiness, but relationship Dr. Margaret Paul advises to know when to compromise — and when not to.
"If [a compromise] is coming from fear, then it's not loving yourself or the other person," Paul explains. "When you come from fear and a desire to control, the resulting compromise will be unloving to yourself and your partner. When you come from love and a desire to learn, the result will be an appropriate compromise."
5. You're easily offended by men
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All too often, men say the wrong thing and that triggers you. The guys you meet make you wonder if there is a man alive who knows how to talk to women. If this sounds like you, take time to heal your wounds before dating again.
6. You scrutinize every dating profile
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Dissecting every profile like you are a detective is a surefire way to keep yourself safe and single. No one can hold up to this kind of analysis.
When you’re ready for love, you see possibilities in at least 20% of the prospects or more. Don't give up on finding love online — 1 in 5 couples under 30 meet their partner online, according to statistics, and dating coach Sandy Weiner offers her ten best tips for finding your person if you go the swiping route.
"Think of your online dating profile as a marketing tool for love. Every inch of space is valuable 'real estate,'" explains Weiner. "You must paint yourself in the best possible light to attract the highest quality people."
7. You've got nothing to wear on a date
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When love has not been a priority, you might not have anything in your closet that is date-worthy. Your allure and feeling desirable as a woman are essential for connecting with the right partner. If you only have work clothes and loungewear, you’re not ready to date — or in the mind space.
8. You leave your matches hanging
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You're super busy with work, volunteering, your spiritual life, or your children. Who has time to date? So, you often don't respond to matches for days.
Unfortunately, the attraction has a "shelf life," which is about 24 hours when dating online or the apps. If you can't get back to people to keep a conversation going or pick a time to meet, you're not serious about love right now. That's okay, just admit it to yourself.
9. You meet matches, but none hold your attention
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Currently active, you are meeting men and dating. Yet, no one seems quite right. Since none of the matches captivate you, you keep swiping and feel like you'll never find The One.
Occasionally, this is a matter of timing. But in other cases, this is a subtle indication you're not in the right head space for a new relationship.
10. You test men in the first few messages
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Being clever, you create hurdles to jump in the first few messages to weed out your matches. These are tests, and if a prospect passes, then you're willing to continue getting to know them.
However, no one passes the test. Doing this alerts you to an internal conflict about love. Even though you have a strong desire for a new relationship, you put up barriers to connecting. Unfortunately, that means you are not ready.
One way to take down said barriers? Kaitlyn Skelly, a conflict expert and mental health advocate, advises using one particular phrase: tell me more.
"Using the phrase tell me more effectively communicates that you care about the other person’s perspective," Skelly explains. This, in turn, helps disarm the other person's defensiveness because by asking them to tell you more, you create space for them to share rather than fighting to get a word in."
11. You can't imagine being intimate
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If you haven't been in a relationship for a long time, your desire for intimacy may have dwindled. This happens. So, if you can't imagine being intimate again, this is unmistakable evidence you're not open to a relationship at this time.
The good news is you can rekindle desire and when you do, you'll be ready again! Now that you know these subtle signs mean the timing isn't right for love, be good to yourself. Take time to heal.
Releasing old wounds and rebuilding confidence and self-love, ensures you attract better-quality prospects. That's how you find the kind of lasting love you've been dreaming about.
Ronnie Ann Ryan is an Intuitive Coach, Past Life Reader, and author of six books. She’s the creator of the free audio course How to Ask the Universe for a Sign and Get an Answer Within 24 Hours. She's been published on ABC, BBC, and NPR.