Man Asks If He Was Wrong For Walking Out Of Wedding After Bride Used His Trans Son’s ‘Deadname’
He had asked her not to.
Halfpoint/Shutterstock A man walked out of his sister's wedding after she ‘deadnames’ his son despite him telling her not to do so.
The single father of three sons went to Reddit’s AITA (Am I The A-hole?) thread to share his story about his sister’s wedding and ask for advice about how he handled the situation.
The bride ‘deadnamed’ the man’s transgender son twice leading to the wedding.
The man explained that one of his sons, Connor, was assigned female at birth but identifies and presents himself as male now.
He wrote, “He came out as trans 5 years ago, and has now socially transitioned, not yet [physically].”
Connor, like most trans people, changed his name and no longer wants to be referred to by his "deadname."
The man explains in his Reddit post that there had been mixed reactions among his family members — some are accepting but others have expressed some negative reactions.
This situation meant that the wedding was likely to be a difficult affair for the man's son.
One day before the wedding, the bride deadnamed Connor.
The man wrote, “I texted her a picture of our outfits the day before the wedding, and she said ‘where's Nia's dress?’”
He told her that Connor would be wearing a suit just like the rest of the men at the ceremony and asked the bride not to use Connor's deadname again.
The bride agreed with the man, however, didn’t comply with it.
Upon arriving at the wedding reception, the father said the family were upset to see that the bride had disrespected Connor's identity once again.
He explains that his son's name card read "Nia."
"I went to my sister and she said she used ‘their real name,’” he says.
“I told her me and the boys are leaving and she told me ‘don't you dare cause a scene at MY WEDDING, Nia can be a guy any other day’”
The man walked out of the wedding with his children after that, however, his family accused him of ruining the wedding.
Redditors sided with the father.
“Connor is a man every day. Went to bed yesterday a man, woke up today a man,” one person commented.
“No one is calling into question whether or not Connor is a man except for the sister, and the only one making a scene of it is the sister.”
Another user wrote, “You didn't cause a scene, your sister caused a scene. She ruined her own wedding. She can not plead ignorance as she knew she was stirring the pot and decided to do it anyway knowing you would stand up for Connor!”
Many people also commended the man for the support he showed to his son and shared their experiences.
One person wrote, “And kudos to you for standing up for and by your son. Trans kids need the love and support of their parents. It means so much to them… sometimes it can mean the difference between life and death to them.”
Another person commented, “I can say that your son will remember you standing up for him for the rest of his life - that kind of support from a parent is [life-changing], especially at such a tender age.”
Sanika Nalgirkar is a news & entertainment writer at YourTango based in Seattle, Washington. She has a master's degree in Creative Writing from the University of Washington. You can check out some of her writing on her website.