Why I Don't Want The Big Wedding I Used To Dream About
While I'm sure it will be a wonderful day, it's only the beginning of what's to come.
Angelica Pasquali / shutterstock By Catie Kovelman
When I was a little girl, the thing I looked forward to most about becoming an adult was getting to plan my wedding one day.
I was absolutely obsessed with the idea of having a big, white wedding. I wanted to feel like a princess and go all-out on a ceremony and reception no one would ever forget.
My free time was spent binge-ing marathons of shows like “Say Yes to the Dress” and researching wedding planning tips online. I even went so far as to create a binder with pictures of dresses I liked and venues I’d want to visit.
The only part of my dream wedding that I couldn’t visualize was the groom.
I knew he would be handsome and wonderful, but I couldn’t picture a face. In my fantasies, the groom was always blurred by a glowing white light. It was like the universe was telling me I wasn’t ready to learn his identity.
Today, I’m pretty sure I know who my groom will be.
I’ve been with my absolutely incredible boyfriend for more than 5 years. And even after all this time, I can’t imagine being any happier or more in love. I’ve found my person.
And while we aren’t engaged (yet), we have openly discussed our future plans to get married and start a family.
But now that I know the identity of my future groom, I don’t really care about having a big white wedding anymore.
In fact, I think I would prefer a small, intimate celebration on a budget or just eloping. I think I’d be happy even if we said “I do” in a private courthouse ceremony. If the child version of me read those words, I think she would scream!
I’ll admit that I’ve struggled with the idea of giving up on my dream of having an elaborate wedding. It was something that I wanted for so long that deciding to pursue other avenues sometimes feels like a betrayal to my younger self.
But my opinions of what truly matters in life and in my relationship have matured. I’ve learned that it’s okay for my dream to change.
As an adult, I’ve begun to grasp what goes into planning a huge white wedding with hundreds of guests. And I mean no offense to anyone who does opt to hold a grand celebration.
But the stress and expenses of planning such a huge wedding just don’t seem worth it to me anymore.
I want to enjoy the planning process and the day. And I don’t think I would if I put pressure on myself to hold the perfect, extravagant wedding.
I would rather put the money and effort toward going on a dream vacation or buying a house. It’s just too much to put into one day when there is so much life to live both before and after we exchange our vows.
I think my personality has also changed since I became an adult, and especially since the COVID-19 pandemic began. I used to be a very outgoing extrovert, but now identify as an introvert.
As a result, my friend group has gotten smaller as I’ve decided to stop wasting my time and energy on relationships that don’t lift me up.
I’ve said goodbye to the people who don’t put as much effort into our friendship as I did or brought toxicity into my life. Instead, I’m prioritizing the people who are there for me when it counts.
And when the day comes that I get to stand up and say “I do” to the love of my life, I only want our close family and friends who genuinely love us to be present.
My wedding won’t be about showing off to people I don’t really care about or who don’t really care about me.
But most importantly, I’ve realized that it’s not the wedding I’m looking forward to. It’s the life that I’ll be leading with my soulmate.
Ever since I met the man who I hope to see at the end of the aisle, I daydream about our future together. I think about our milestones as a couple. I think about what our kids will be like or buying our first home together.
My future wedding is just one day. And while I’m sure it will be a wonderful day, it’s only the beginning of what’s to come.
Catie Kovelman is an award-winning former staff writer for FangirlNation Magazine and Chapman Magazine, and a staff writer for Dabl Network at CBS Interactive. Her work has appeared in The Orange County Register, Voice of OC, among others.