Man Denies Wife's Wishes For Son To Have 2 Last Names So He Can Have Her Maiden Name, Too
His argument is full of red flags.
Hollie Santos via Unsplash / Michael Burrell via Canva Arguing over parenting styles can be quite common for parents as people often have different ideas about and wishes for raising their children. However, one couple experienced this before their baby was even born, causing people to label the baby's father as misogynistic.
The couple got into a disagreement over whether the baby should have two last names.
Taking to Reddit to explain his situation, a husband and father-to-be wrote that his wife kept her maiden name after the couple married and clearly wanted to keep her name in the family. So, his wife argued that their baby should have both of their last names — however, he wasn't open to the idea.
"I sat with my wife down and told her that my son is going to get my last name and explained so that there's no confusion but she disagreed," he wrote. The wife tried to compromise, noting that the baby would still have his last name and that she just wanted to add hers, but he still refused. "I declined explaining how awkward and confusing and just complicated that would be," he said. “I reminded her that she got to keep her maiden name and so we're even.”
The tradition of women taking their husband's last name after marriage and their children doing so after birth is one rooted in patriarchy.
The tradition leads back to when women were, in fact, their husbands' property. Though there's no law requiring so, kids still tend to adopt the father's last name about 96% of the time.
"People find it very difficult to imagine being married and not doing what their parents did," Hendrik Hartog, Princeton legal historian, told Salon. "There's a powerful pull toward the reproduction of tradition. Of course, there's enormous divorce and people having children outside of marriage but still, when people get married, they're doing something that's historically grounded."
However, the man noted that his wife "comes from a country where women get to keep their maiden name after marriage." In fact, in most Spanish-speaking countries, everyone has two surnames: the first last name taken from the father and the second last name taken from the mother. So while a paternal last name was the norm for this man, for his wife, asking for her last name to be included as well did not seem out of the ordinary.
Most people felt this man was in the wrong not for wanting the baby to have his last name, but for the underlying misogyny in the man's post.
"It is very misogynistic to think your child has to take your last name only. She is CARRYING and giving BIRTH to your baby, she has a say in the last name," someone commented, picking up on how the husband was demonstrating some sexism.
In addition, throughout the entire post, the husband mostly referred to their baby as “my son” rather than “our son.”
“'I sat my wife down and told her that MY son is going to get MY last name' eeeeekkk," someone wrote. "He’s not a piece of property, he will be a living breathing person. Your wife has absolutely all of the reasons to feel disrespected.”
Neither marriage nor parenthood can be successful without compromise, and more importantly, respect. In this case, it's valid for both parents to feel the way they do, but the father shouldn't have handled it from a place of control.
Sanika Nalgirkar, M.F.A. is a writer who covers entertainment & news, lifestyle, and pop culture topics.