Woman Recorded Throwing Abusive Husband’s Ashes In The Trash After His Death
Would you do the same?
YouTube There’s no right or wrong way to grieve but there are certainly some styles of grieving that are more unconventional than others.
So, you can imagine the mixed reaction when one woman shared a video of her dumping her dead husband’s ashes in the trash.
See, grieving a loved one is complicated but grieving a not-so-loved one may bring up some even more confusing emotions.
Marsha Widener’s late-husband was abusive and her approach to laying him to rest may not be everyone’s choice, but it certainly captures the complexities of grieving your abuser.
Why a woman dumped her late-husband’s ashes in the trash.
Marsha shared a video of her dumping the ashes of her deceased husband, Don Widener, in the garbage outside her home after years of alleged abuse.
“I know you're not going to understand why I'm doing this," she begins the video, before explaining that no one in Widener’s life was willing to take charge of laying him to rest in a more traditional way.
"His family don't want him, his brother doesn't want him around, his kids doesn't want him — actually, they want him to go in the gutter or the toilet," Marsha explains.
She says that Don used to work as a driver of a garbage truck and was responsible for bringing trash to landfills and announces, “We’re sending him back to the landfill today.”
"This is for all the pain and all the turmoil he has caused my children and myself and what he caused his parents. This is his goodbye,” she says as she begins pouring the ashes.
"This is for all the times he kicked me in the head — yup, he put my head through a window."
She then spills some of the ashes on the ground and grinds it into the dirt with her foot, adding that he has caused “pain and sorrow” to everyone in their lives.
Finally, Marsha tosses the remainder of the ashes into the trash once more before cheering “Adios amigos.”
The complicated process of grieving an abuser.
For the most part, Marsha’s comments section was filled with messages of support but a few critics condemned her for showing a lack of respect to the dead and claiming no one deserves this treatment when they’re dead.
However, these comments may fail to recognize the full extent of the trauma abuse survivors face and how this may manifest if their abuser dies.
Marilyn Sutherland, a relationship coach who has experience working with survivors of abuse, says the death of an abuser can create complex emotions for survivors.
“When women are in an abusive relationship, most learn to stop saying anything that will incur the wrath of their partner. Sometimes they don't know when he'll anger and when he won't, so they shut down their voice and their emotions,” she explains.
“[Marsha] probably now has the time to feel her anger and now she’s acting it out. This is a victory. She finally sticks up for herself and takes her power back.”
However, Sutherland emphasizes that these cathartic moments of reclaiming power do not necessarily bring healing for abuse survivors.
“At some point, these women accept what happened and forgive themself and eventually him — because resentment hurts us more than him.”
Alice Kelly is a writer living in Brooklyn, New York. Catch her covering all things social justice, news, and entertainment. Keep up with her Twitter for more.