5 Things You Need To Do To Stay Broken Up For Good
Breaking up is hard to do but sticking to it is not impossible!
getty Are you finally... finally!... breaking up with a toxic ex for good?
Your mental health has been suffering. But, now, after all the ups and downs, the pain and the tears, you know that your relationship is over and it's time to move on.
The hardest part is making sure it stays that way. You're determined and ready to move forward but you're not sure how to make it stick because it hasn’t so many times before.
Fortunately, there are ways to make it permanent this time!
If you're breaking up for good, here are 5 ways to make sure.
1. Go no contact right away!
Unfortunately, there are so many ways to keep tabs on an ex these days. Social media has made it all so easy. And keeping tabs on them makes it really hard to let go and move on.
It doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to take a quick peek at your ex's feed. But you know, as well as I do, that there's a chance you could see something on there that you just don’t want to see.
Watching them out there, having fun without you, doing something that you used to do together, or even doing it with someone else — it can send you into a tailspin.
So, eliminate all ties to your ex on social media. Block them on your phone. Don’t ask your mutual friends about what they're doing. Tell yourself that they've moved to Mars and that you will never see them again.
It might be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do but you'll be glad you did it.
2. Take time to reflect.
One of the first things I tell all of my clients during a breakup is to take stock of the reasons why their relationship wasn’t working.
Take stock of all of the reasons why you needed to walk away, the things that you knew weren’t working, and the reasons why you might have been broken up with.
When you spend time with someone, you're regularly exposed to the things that remind you that you need to walk away.
When you finally get away, those things tend to recede in your memory and are replaced with just the good memories, the good times, and all the things that you love about them.
And, with the good things at the forefront of your thoughts, you're vulnerable to returning to the relationship that's causing you pain. Or, at the very least, to start stalking your ex, which will only send you back to square one.
So, make a list of everything that you can think of that caused the breakup.
This list will also do the job of making you realize that the "rug wasn’t pulled out from under you" or that the breakup wasn’t exactly "out of the blue."
Furthermore, if you're the one leaving this relationship, keeping those reasons in mind daily will help you stay strong when you're missing your ex.
3. Make yourself a priority.
So you're single again and you suddenly find yourself with a lot of free time... and craving a lot of ice cream.
Now is not the time to sit around, watching Netflix, and eating ice cream. While those things might be fun in the moment, in the long run, they will only make you feel worse.
The best thing that you can do for yourself right now is to get off the couch and take care of yourself.
When you're going through a hard time, the number one thing that can make you feel better is the endorphins that are created through exercise.
You don't have to join a gym, just go on a walk, dance, and/or practice some yoga. Do whatever you can do to keep your heart rate up!
If you get enough sleep and eat well, your body will feel strong and it will help with your healing. Taking care of yourself will make you look hot!
And looking good is an excellent way to win your breakup. Imagine the look on your ex's face when they see you next!
Don’t let yourself fall apart. Pulling yourself back together will be so much more difficult if you do.
4. Chase your dreams.
Another thing to do with all of that free time is to start doing something that you have always wanted to do. Don’t sit around feeling sorry for your empty space — do something with it!
When my husband left me, I was devastated. One of the things that gave me hope was the list that I'd made of all the things that I had always wanted to do but hadn’t done.
I had always wanted to hike in Peru, to learn to drive a Jet-ski, live in NYC, talk about mental illness, and start a coaching business. I had never done any of those things because I was consumed with an unhappy marriage.
One by one, I did these things. And 10 years later, life is good. I am strong. I am happy. And I have a lot of amazing stories.
What is it that you've always wanted to do? Pick one and start doing it. You have free time now. Don’t waste it!
5. Reconnect with old friends... and make new ones.
For many people, relationships make them disconnect with others who might have been a big part of their lives. They don't do it intentionally or with malice, but it does happen. And those friends are still out there.
Make an effort to reach out to them. They'll be happy to have you back and happy to support you in getting through a tough time.
Also, now is a great time to make new friends.
I have a client who's using Bumble BFF. It's an app for women to connect with female friends, and she's found some amazing women who are single and want to get out and pursue shared interests.
People are a great way to get you through a tough time, and you have a lot of them to reach out to.
Breaking up for good and making it stick is the goal for someone trapped in a toxic relationship.
It's easier said than done, but it's definitely possible. Many very happy people in healthy relationships can attest to that!
Having a plan is always the best course of action, much better than T.V. and junk food and hours spent dreading the future.
Get up off the couch. Block your ex on your phone and on every social media platform you connect on.
Get a notebook and make a list of all of the reasons you broke up with your person. Keep it close. Do some things that you have always wanted to do. Reconnect with old friends.
Fill your calendar with activities that will make you smile.
Life does not end with a breakup. Rather, it begins again. It's up to you to take advantage of this new beginning.
You can do it!
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based, certified life and love coach. Let her help you find, and keep, love in this crazy world in which we live. Email her at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and get started!