To The Guy Who Only Cares For Himself
Since you've left, I learned that love should be effortless and cause no pain.
fizkes /Getty Images By Rayi Noormega
We haven’t talked to each other since you left me broken hearted that evening, a year ago.
I’ve still remembered those weeks of mourning about you; those dark times which I’ve been struggling to move on. I remembered the times when I hated everything that reminds me of you and you didn’t even try to make the situation better for both of us.
I haven’t heard from you since, and that was okay because I just want you to know that right now, I have made it through.
It is actually surprising that I can go this far without you because once I actually believed that I would be so destroyed if you left me, it turns out that everything is going well right now.
I no longer remember you as somebody who makes my heart hurt, I no longer remember you whenever I hear those sad songs, and I no longer feel hatred whenever I see something that reminds me of you.
But I don't want to make you feel guilty, ashamed, or deny the things that you've done to me; I thank you instead.
I know this is so cliché but the truth is, since you’ve left, I’ve changed a lot.
Your illusions toward me, those lies, broken promises, and your poisonous charming attitudes have made me realize that people are more than meets the eye. Right now, I no longer am easily amazed by people’s demeanor, achievements, good looks, or sweet words, but I trust their imperfections instead.
I have realized that flaws are actually the only things that can be signs of honesty and generosity within human beings. Humans are designed to be vulnerable and insecure, and those things are actually what makes us more human than ever.
You’ve tried so hard to hide your insecurities and flaws, yet you didn’t realize that you hurt so many hearts without your concern. I don’t want to praise the perfection which you showed me once, because right now, I adore honesty more than artificial things.
I also learned from you that this world is actually not always about ourselves.
Your personality in which you always put yourself before others has made me realize the importance of empathy towards the people in my life. Now, I understand that the true value of living is about giving — and right now I’m still trying to develop self-love without forgetting others.
Since you’ve left, I also learned that love should be effortless and cause no pain; love shouldn’t feel like a trap. You played the game so perfectly, yet I didn’t notice that my heart was your bet.
Right now, I know that love shouldn’t be that confusing because love is actually a simple thing. I’m done chasing the uncertainty; I no longer chase that “love” which feels like an on and off, because actually, love means persistence.
The lessons I’ve learned from you are too many to be written.
Now, I am a survivor and I know that I can stand up again every time life brings me down to my knees. I’ve never regretted the fact that I’ve met a person like you; I met you at exactly the right time to be a lesson for me to find “the one.”
Without you, I wouldn’t have realized countless valuable things in my life and I wouldn’t have learned that saving myself from emotional abuse is highly important.
Promise me that you won’t break another heart and please, just please, learn to love your own flaws; it is the only way for you to give love to others.
I hope someday you understand the importance of empathy so you can love others, simply because, at the end of the day, love is the only thing that matters.
Rayi Noormega is a writer whose bylines have been featured on Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, Magdalene, The Huffington Post, The Jakarta Post, among many others.