How To Stand Up To Someone Who Doesn't Value You
You deserve to be valued — shut down anyone who doesn't see your worth.
getty Standing up for yourself may seem impossible to do, but learning how is the key to happiness. Especially if you're dealing with people who don't value you.
So many people will not walk away from someone who does not value them. No matter how badly they're treated, they just won’t walk away.
They want so badly to love and be loved and they never want to give up hope. So they stay and they suffer.
If you have a clear understanding of the specific things that you need to do to successfully stand up to someone who doesn’t value you, you will have a far better chance of doing so and being happy.
So, if you're having trouble standing up for yourself against someone who doesn't value you, here are 5 ways to get started.
1. Don’t justify their behaviors.
Many people justify their person’s behavior when they're treated badly.
I have a client whose guy was always late. It was so disrespectful.
What did she do? She justified it by saying he had to help people at his recovery group.
How could she be upset if he was helping others?
How about your person? Does your person do things that you know aren’t OK, but are you willing to write those things off?
If you had a friend who told you the things that your person is doing to you were being done to them, would you tell them to run — fast?
It's important that you don’t justify anyone’s bad behaviors. The reality is that a person who values someone makes time for them isn’t always making excuses and treats them as a priority.
Don’t kid yourself if things are otherwise. You will regret it!
2. Don’t lose yourself.
Many people, particularly those who are undervalued in their relationships, lose themselves when they're involved with someone.
Those things that they used to do to make themselves laugh, to make them feel good about themselves, and made them feel loved and respected, those things get put to the side in their desire to commit themselves to their relationship above all else.
A few years back, I was in a relationship with someone who didn’t value me. When I met him, I was a single woman living very happily in NYC with my dog.
I was running my own business and doing volunteer work that I loved. I respected myself.
Two years later, I was a shell of that person. Two years of being undervalued had made me believe that I really was worth nothing.
As a result, standing up to him and standing up for myself was almost impossible. I didn’t value myself, so how could I expect him to value me?
So, make sure that, whether your relationship is healthy or not, that you don’t lose yourself to it.
If you value yourself, you're more likely to have your person love you. And more likely to walk away if they don’t.
3. Don’t overcompensate.
Does your person not call for days, and when they finally do, you act like nothing is wrong?
Do they say unkind things to you and you just try to let them roll off your back? Do you tiptoe around them, doing whatever you can to keep them happy so that they will love you?
If you do any of these things, you're overcompensating by doing all of the work in the relationship.
You believe that if you only try hard enough, aren’t difficult or demanding, and flexible to whatever their whims are, then your person won’t leave you.
Guess what? It doesn’t work!
As a matter of fact, if you work overtime to make your person happy, in spite of the way that they treat you, you're just making things worse.
The more you overcompensate, the more likely they are to lose respect for you, which will only lead them to treat you worse.
4. Don’t stay for the wrong reasons.
You're not happy in your relationship. So, why do you stay?
Are you staying because of how happy you guys were in the beginning? Because you don’t want to be alone? Because you've invested so much time?
Are you staying because you don’t want to start dating again? Because you "aren’t a quitter"? Because you're worried that you won’t ever love or be loved again?
None of those reasons are reasons to stay in a relationship where someone doesn't value you. The only reason to stay in a relationship is that you're happy.
Don’t stay in this relationship because you think your person can change. That, if you're nice enough, things will go back to the way they were in the beginning.
Stay because you're happy with how things are right now. And leave if you're not!
Don’t stay for the wrong reasons. It’s a huge waste of time — time that you could be spending finding someone who will value you and love you forever.
5. Don’t stick around.
The number one way to stand up to someone who doesn’t value you is to walk away. Yes, walk away.
It seems easier said than done, but if you can walk away from someone who does not value you, you will accomplish one of two things.
First, by walking away and standing up for yourself, you earn the respect of the person who's been treating you badly.
There's nothing sexier than someone who advocates for themselves and sees their own value.
Second, if you walk away from someone who doesn’t value you, you will open yourself up to finding someone who does. The longer you stay in this relationship, the longer it will take you to be happy.
If you stay in this relationship, as it is, with you being undervalued, your chances of being happy are greatly diminished!
So, be prepared to walk away if you can’t get the respect you deserve!
Don't waste any more time — stand up to someone who doesn't value you.
If you need to stand up to someone who doesn’t value you, do so soon!
Every moment that you waste being with someone who makes you unhappy is a wasted moment.
You might think that he's your "soulmate," but your soulmate would never treat you the way you've been treated!
So, take steps now and make changes in standing up for yourself — whatever change you need to do for a life full of happiness and love!
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based, certified life and love coach. Let her help you find, and keep, love in this crazy world in which we live. Email her at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and get started!