How To Let Go Of A Crush If They Aren't Crushing On You In 6 Steps
Parting is such sweet sorrow — but it's healthy, too.
getty Are you wondering how to let go of a crush? Are you madly in love with someone, but the feelings are unrequited?
There's nothing worse than loving and not being loved in return. Holding on to a love with no future will only prevent you from finding the love you seek.
So, how can you take the difficult step of walking away from them and moving on?
I've been there and so have many of my clients, but you can get through this.
Here are 6 steps on how to let go of a crush if they're not crushing on you.
1. Check yourself.
Are you crushing on someone, big time, and convincing yourself that if you just hold on long enough, they will notice you and fall for you, and you will live happily ever after?
Have you been holding on to this for a while but has nothing changed?
I have a client who was seriously crushing on a guy. They had been friends years ago and he reappeared in her life. She thought that him coming back was a sign that they were supposed to be together.
For one year, she held onto hope that they could be together. He gave her mixed messages. On one hand, he told her that he didn’t want a relationship and, on the other, he was also having sex with her.
He would come and go and, still, she held onto her hope for them, slowly dying each time he left.
Ultimately, she realized that she had created their "great love story" in her head and she knew she had to let him go. And the first thing that she had to do was to come to terms with the fact that he didn’t love her back.
It was incredibly painful, but it was the first step to letting go of unrequited love and moving forward to find someone who would love her back.
2. No contact. None.
You might think you need "closure" when you need to walk away from someone, that final conversation where everyone gets to say what they want to say and you understand each other and walk away as friends.
But, closure is a myth. It's simply one last chance to spend time with and talk to that person you still love, hoping that they might change their mind.
Really, if you could have a conversation and finally understand each other, why couldn’t you make it work as a couple? Right? Wrong!
So, when you've decided that you need to walk away, go no contact immediately. Block them on your phone, disconnect on social media, and stay away from places where you know they will be.
You need to break the addiction you have to this person and change your habits. Having any contact with them will only hold you back from moving on!
Even one point of contact can draw you back into their circle, the circle that you've decided that you're determined to break yourself out of.
So, go no contact right away. It will make the process way easier!
3. Do something you've always wanted to do.
Don’t sit around feeling sorry for your empty space — do something with it!
A client of mine broke up with a man she loved desperately who couldn’t commit to her. She was devastated.
I asked her to name a few things that she had always wanted to do. One of the things that she came up with was writing.
In this day and age, it's quite possible to write and release what you write out to the masses without going through the process of publishing a book or submitting your work to a magazine
You can simply write a blog and post it to a variety of platforms available online.
My client started writing about her broken heart, what happened, her insights about what she could have done differently, and the way she felt with him gone from her life.
It was hard work, emotionally, but she soon started getting a following. Other women who were going through the same things appreciated her written words and started commenting on her articles.
As a result, she built a small community of women who supported each other through rough times.
What is it that you have always wanted to do? Pick one thing and start doing it. You have the time. Life is short. Don’t waste it!
4. Spend time with people who love you.
When you're rejected by someone you're crushing on, you might feel unloveable and horrible about yourself.
Spending time with friends and family who love you and recognize you for what an amazing and loveable person you are will help you move on and find someone who is worthy of you.
5. Take care of yourself.
When your heart is broken and you feel like your life is over, one of the best things that you can do is self-care. Your body and your spirit may feel broken, but some nurturing will help you heal.
When my husband left me, I was left devastated and alone. My house was empty, my kids were gone, and my husband no longer came home at the end of the day.
My days were endless and I didn’t know how I was going to survive being alone.
One day, a Groupon appeared in my inbox from Massage Envy offering a 60-minute massage for $40. I had nothing to do, so I bought the Groupon and I made an appointment for a massage.
That massage was one of the best hours of my life. I was in a warm room on a cozy table and I had a lovely woman attending to my aches and pains, making me feel loved and cared for.
I realized that day when I emerged from the spa feeling rejuvenated and alive, that doing things that comforted me was what I would need to help me move forward.
From that day on, I would spend some time every day doing things to take care of myself. I did yoga, went for walks, spent time antiquing with girlfriends, and drank whiskey by the fire on cold winter nights.
By nurturing and loving myself, I was able to get the strength that I needed to let go of the loss of my marriage.
6. Believe love is out there for you.
Almost without exception, people who are in unhappy relationships don’t leave because they believe that there will never be another person for them.
They believe that if they break up with this person, they will be alone forever!
But that's not true. There are many fish in the sea, and there's one out there for you.
Of course, if you never have a chance to go fishing because you're still with this idiot who doesn’t love you, then you won’t find that person.
But, if you can be brave enough to act and break up with said idiot, then you will be setting yourself up for finding the love of your life.
Knowing how to let go of love for your crush is a key piece to being able to do so successfully.
You still love them, but you know that you must let them go because of the pain they are causing you. It will be difficult, but it is possible!
Be honest with yourself about the chance that they will ever love you back, cut them off completely, do things you've always wanted to do, and spend time with friends.
Nurture yourself and hold onto the belief that you will find the love you seek.
You will. If you can let go of someone who doesn’t love you back and not waste any more time, you will! I promise.
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based, certified life and love coach. Let her help you find, and keep, love in this crazy world in which we live. Email her at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and get started!