7 Ways To Overcome Divorce Fears & Cope With Uncertainty You'll Naturally Feel
You can get through this.
getty Going through a divorce is one of the most monumental and stressful moments in someone's life.
Everyone who experiences divorce handles it differently. You might feel a range of emotions, like insecurity, uncertainty, and depression, while also feeling bouts of liberation and even excitement.
Of all the emotions you feel during divorce, fear is often the hardest to cope with.
Fear and anxiety are common among people going through divorce, because the process inherently brings about uncertainty and change.
Divorce brings massive change — and that can be scary and nerve-wracking.
Changes in your living arrangements, concerns about your kids, and uncertainty around mutual friendships you have with your ex are just a few stressful elements that make fear and anxiety a normal emotion during divorce.
A little bit of anxiety can often propel someone into action, motivating them to take charge of their future and grow as human beings.
But the stress of divorce often produces an unhealthy level of anxiety and excessive worry, causing fatigue, increased heart rate, irritability, lack of concentration, and even panic attacks.
You may be anxious about jumping back into dating as a divorcée, worried about how your finances are going to look in the future, or just dreading falling asleep alone.
Divorce always throws people’s lives into a period of uncertainty, which may make you feel like you’ve lost stability. This level of anxiety can lead to destructive behavior if not addressed in a healthy way.
Here are 7 ways to overcome divorce fears and cope with the uncertainty it brings.
1. Focus on the positive.
Believe it or not, you may be able to find some good throughout this whole experience. Even the most difficult and heartbreaking divorces have a silver lining.
This is an opportunity to find yourself and work with a brand new orientation towards life. Finding the positives in the situation can help mitigate the fear that the negatives bring on.
2. Invest in yourself.
Lose yourself in some exercise. Get back into yoga, go on that camping trip you’ve been putting off, or take a bath with lavender Epsom salts.
One of the hardest things about divorce is the newly empty space, but little things like these tell you that you love yourself.
Whatever fills your heart and makes you feel at peace — do it! Now, more than ever, you should take some time for yourself.
3. Lean on people you love.
It’s true that a person with whom you once had a deep relationship is no longer there, but that doesn’t mean you’ve lost all the love in your life.
Find the family and friends that mean the most to you and ask them for support.
Reach out to people you love that you’ve lost touch with. It can be easy to seek meaningless relationships to try to fill a hole after a divorce. Instead, invest in the people who have already shown their love for you.
4. Put together a game plan.
What are the things stressing you out the most about your divorce? The increased amount of time alone? Money? Custody?
It’s too easy to just lay in bed awake at night stressing about these things. Instead, take some time with yourself to make a plan on how to solve or mitigate those problems.
Not everything has to be perfectly on track right this second, but taking steps towards a goal can help you feel better now and eventually get you where you want to be.
5. Give yourself a break.
Divorce is a difficult experience to go through. For many people, it’s the most difficult thing they’ll go through in their entire life.
So if you've had a bad day, that makes complete sense. There will be some bad nights and even bad weeks — that’s totally normal in divorce.
Beating up on yourself for not maintaining perfect composure throughout the process is unproductive. No one expects you to be your strongest and most vibrant self throughout the divorce.
6. Talk to people going through divorce.
You may have friends who have experienced or are experiencing divorce. Or maybe you’re thinking about joining a support group.
By going back and forth with someone about what you're dealing with, you can give each other perspective and build confidence in yourself throughout the process.
This also helps you build deep relationships during a period in which you may be feeling a sense of loss.
Not everyone feels comfortable talking about what they're going through in their divorce, though. Still, there are more private ways to open up and be vulnerable to process your experiences.
7. Find a therapist.
Thousands of professionals make a literal living out of helping people move through difficult situations and deal with uncomfortable emotions like fear and anxiety.
Take advantage of that! It’s great to chat with a support group who knows what you’re going through, but a therapist can take that a step further.
They can not only empathize and affirm your fears, but also help you move past them.
Talk therapy is often misunderstood as just an opportunity to pour your feelings out and have someone listen. That's definitely a positive element of therapy, but it’s so much more than that.
Therapists will help you recognize patterns in irrational thinking, develop methods for combating intrusive thoughts, and get to the root of your deepest worries.
Finding a therapist can be a big step, but having someone in your corner who understands the dangerous patterns of the human brain is useful.
It’s not an easy road, but if you turn your attention away from the negative and focus on caring for yourself, you will actually grow through the process.
You’re not striving towards a destination of paradise in which your divorce didn’t happen — you’re building the strength to be your best self despite it.
You’ve got this!
Babita Spinelli is a psychotherapist and CEO of Opening the Doors Psychotherapy and Embrace Coaching. To learn more about how she can help you accomplish your goals, visit her website.