The Best Modern Dating Strategy Is Wildly Old-Fashioned
Music is created by the space between the notes.
Bogdan Sonjachnyj | Canva The act of courtship may seem old-fashioned but it's not. It might just get you the relationship of your dreams. But how does courting work in the 21st century with all the modern dating conveniences?
In some ways, it’s never been easier. A few swipes right on a dating app and the parade appears. At the same time, disappearing acts have never been more prevalent. What to do? Getting a long-term relationship started requires a different strategy, one that’s proven. The answer is courtship.
Here are 3 reasons courting works better than any modern dating strategy:
1. Courtship is a test of time
In a world of instant gratification, time is often the last thing you think of. However, courtship is a test of time and you can use it to your advantage. One of the secrets to getting someone and keeping them is to add the element of time. This means that contrary to popular belief, and for the best results, you get to know them, slowly.
The most valuable thing we have is time. When a person is willing to invest their time to get to know you and be with you, they are signaling you that their intent is sincere and they care about you as a human being.
2. Courtship creates space
People require space. Any semblance of pressure from you can turn them into a major flight risk and they end up leaving. The essence of courtship is one person getting to know the other. People require space — they just don’t want to ask for it. Knowing this will change your strategy and you can allow yourself to give space.
Space gives a person the feeling that getting to know you is the best idea when attracted to you. When you don’t call or text obsessively or try to track them down all the time, an authentic courtship can begin within the space you give them. Courtship is one person getting to know the other, and it usually works best when your courter has some space between interactions.
3. Playful courtship can lead to a serious relationship
Never forget that courtship, at its essence, is playful. Seriousness at the wrong time can turn your courtship into a drama. Flirting, dropping a handkerchief, smiling, and looking in the eyes are all playful acts that can lead you to something more serious.
Ironically, when a person feels you have the ability to play with them, they will take you more seriously. The key to the dance is playing with them. By playing with them, they will be enticed to win you over. Courtship is a test of time, like planting a seed in the ground. It takes at least a year to get to know somebody and you want to see them in all seasons.
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Music is created by the space between the notes. When you give a person room, they will be inspired to come closer to you. There's no better feeling than when your patience in this regard pays off. Playfulness makes a person want to be with you more and more. It’s the joys and challenges in life that keep us coming back.
History is full of courtships that have stood the test of time. Use the secrets of courtship and you will be amazed at your results.
James Allen Hanrahan is a dating and relationship coach for women based in Los Angeles. He's also the author of "A Life of Love" and "Dating Advice for Alpha Women."