5 Steps To Get Over A Breakup & Move On Now
I know your heart is broken, but you can move on and be happy.
getty You've decided that it’s time to figure out how to get over a breakup and move on, but you're not sure where to start.
Whether your breakup was sudden or your relationship had been dying a slow death, getting over a breakup can be really difficult. Your life has changed drastically, and not being paralyzed by it is very difficult.
Luckily, there are things that you can do now to get over a breakup and move on quickly.
Here are 5 steps you must take to learn how to get over a breakup and move on now.
1. Be determined.
The most important thing to do to ensure that you can effectively get over breakup in the quickest amount of time is to be determined. When you are trying to make big change, determination is an essential part of being able to do so.
Let’s say that you are trying to quit eating ice cream. You know that it’s not good for you and it keeps the weight on, so you have decided to make a go of quitting it.
But your heart isn’t truly in it, and you are pretty sure that after a day or two you are going to go right back to indulging. That is because you are "trying to quit," you haven’t "decided to quit."
Make sure that if you want to go down this path of doing the hard work to get over a breakup, you are determined to do it. If you go in with a half-hearted attitude that you are going to "try" to get over it, you will fail.
And when you fail, you will feel even worse about yourself and the end of the relationship. So, be determined.
2. Cut them off.
I know, I know. The prospect of cutting the person who you were with out of your life scares you.
You get a pit in your stomach that is sharp and painful. The anxiety you feel at the thought of not being in contact with them is overwhelming.
The thing is is that being in contact with your person is a surefire way to not be able to get over them. If you talk to them on the phone, they could talk you into getting back together, or you could miss them and take them back — even if you know you shouldn’t.
If you see them on Instagram or Facebook, hiking with friends or hanging out with someone they could possibly be interested in, it will only sabotage you moving on. You will feel like your person has moved on quickly, and that just won’t feel good.
If you hang out places where you know you will see them, you will be tempted to talk to them, or you will miss them from afar. If it’s at a bar especially, you could do something that might set you back in a big way.
So, push past the pain and anxiety and cut your person off. It will hurt in the short run, but it will make a big difference for you being able to successfully get over a breakup and move on.
3. Write it down.
One of the reasons that it’s hard for you to get over a breakup and move on is because of the tricks that your brain plays on you.
After you break up with someone or are broken up with, you no longer have time with your person. You're no longer building up memories.
Instead, you are left with memories of things past. And for some reason, your brain only holds on to the good things — the things about your relationship that made you happy.
Perhaps the memories consist of how things were at the beginning, or the time you went to the Bahamas together, or the brewfest you attended last fall. Those were all positive parts of your relationship — the ones you hold onto.
The reality of the relationship might be somewhat different. Perhaps the person they were in the beginning is not at all the person they ended up being.
Perhaps in the Bahamas, they drank way too much and you spent a lot of time alone. Perhaps they were crabby at the end of the brewfest and you had to leave early. The brain doesn’t remember those things.
Make a list while you're trying to get past a breakup of the things that weren’t good about the relationship. Even if you were broken up with suddenly, I would bet that if you did some soul-searching there would be things that were happening that you might have ignored.
Write those things down. Having a list will make a big difference as you work to get over a breakup and moving on.
4. Let yourself mourn.
Your friends and family are probably telling you to "just move on." And I agree that moving on is important to finding happiness — it is out there!
That being said, it’s important that you mourn the end of a relationship. When you get together with someone, you have huge hopes and dreams. If you’re together for a while, you have experiences together, good and bad.
When you break up, you lose someone in your life. Someone you had hoped you might be with forever.
So, take some time. Be sad. Be angry. Be hurt. Eat ice cream on the couch while binge-watching The Umbrella Academy. Feel the pain. And then let it go.
If you stuff all of the pain that you are feeling over this breakup down into your body, it will very hard to release. It’s important that you feel the feelings and then let them go. Only by doing so can you get over a breakup and move on.
Another key part of the mourning process is taking stock of what went wrong and the role that you played in it. You will be in another relationship someday, and you don’t want to make the same mistakes twice.
Whether it’s choosing the wrong person or being clingy or whatever, making the same mistakes twice will only hurt you in the end.
5. Be active.
One of the worst things that you can do when you are trying to get over a breakup and move on is to sit around the house feeling sorry for yourself.
In this time of COVID-19, it’s hard to spend lots of time with friends and family, but it's essential that you make every effort to do so. Even an afternoon in the park, social distancing but interacting, can make a big difference for you.
Instead of focusing on your breakup, you can put your energy out there to people who love you.
Exercise is also a key part of getting past a breakup. Raising your heartbeat, sweating, and pushing yourself physically all raise dopamine levels in your brain. Dopamine is a "feel good" chemical, and when it is coursing through your body, you are just going to feel better.
So, even if it’s just taking a walk, get some exercise. Your brain will be glad you did.
Finally, while I know that you aren’t yet ready to get into another relationship, it is important that you consider putting yourself back out there. There is no reason why you can’t dress up, flirt, and meet new people.
This will give you hope that there are other people out there for you and that this breakup doesn’t have to derail you for good.
Knowing that it is possible to get over a breakup and move on gives one hope.
I know that the future doesn’t seem bright right now but I promise you that these feelings won’t last forever.
Ask yourself how determined you are to do this. Cut your ex out of your life completely, and take stock of the reasons that you had to.
Take some time and feel your feelings around the relationship and make sure that you spend time with people who love you. Do things that make you feel good about yourself.
I know that things don’t feel good right now but you have read this article in it’s entirety, so that makes me think that you are ready.
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based certified life coach and mental health advocate. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live. Contact her for help or send her an email.