8 Tips For Discussing & Supporting Black Lives Matter When Dating
We're ghosting anyone who's not anti-racist.
Shyntartanya / Shutterstock If you’re still reeling from figuring out how to date during a global pandemic, get strapped in for how to talk about Black Lives Matter when dating and dating during a racial reckoning.
The response to the recent killings of Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, and Rayshard Brooks has kept the topic of racism in America on the tip of our tongues. It has prompted powerful and important discussions in our homes, in group chats, and social media posts.
But have you taken these conversations about race and racism into your love life?
Politics and social justice issues may not be the traditional pick-up lines you hear in bars or on dating apps, but now that the Black Lives Matter movement is at the forefront of our concerns, it’s a great opportunity to discuss race with your potential partners.
Tinder found itself in hot water recently after users complained about being banned from the app for mentioning Black Lives Matter in their bios. OkCupid even added profile questions about racial equality and allows users to add a Black Lives Matter badge to their bios in solidarity with the movement.
Single hopefuls across dating apps are clearly hungry for change and are willing to advocate for more than just their love lives.
Whether you use apps or are dating in real life, there’s plenty of ways to bring up Black Lives Matter with the person you’re talking to.
We are on the cusp of making a real difference in the lives of minority communities. Ally yourself with like-minded people who are willing to learn from and avoid the mistakes of the past.
This might seem like an intimidating topic, but think of the life you could have together, fighting for change and dismantling racism. Or, worse, imagine discovering further down the line that they’re one of those willfully ignorant people who spout "All Lives Matter" nonsense.
Don’t you want to know if this is truly the person for you?
Here's how to talk about Black Lives Matter when dating, and bring conversations about racial injustice to the forefront.
1. Let them know what you stand for.
When it comes to standing up for what you believe in, there’s no need to be subtle.
Be upfront and let them know that you stand in solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement, and have been doing your part to support it.
Adding #BlackLivesMatter to your dating profile is a great way to find your match. Try questions like, “What have you been doing to get involved with the Black Lives Matter movement?” and share some of the ways you’ve been showing your support.
2. Switch up your typical conversation starters.
Black Lives Matter is a topic that people tend to get pretty passionate about, so bringing it up with your date is one way to guarantee you never run out of things to say.
Instead of just asking how they are or what they’ve been up to, try asking, “How have you been doing with everything that’s going on?” or, “I went to a Black Lives Matter march on Saturday. What did you do this weekend?”
This way, you’re tying the cause into conversation naturally and inviting them to do the same.
3. Be honest about your journey.
Everyone comes to learn about racism from different perspectives, and we’re all at different stages in our anti-racist journey.
You might find that the person you’re dating has no clue what you’re talking about when you bring Black Lives Matter up. Or, maybe they’ve read So You Want To Talk About Race 3 times in the past 2 days, and could teach you a thing or two.
Talk about how you came to be involved in the Black Lives Matter movement, your motives, and reasons. Be open about the aspects of the movement you need help understanding or things you don’t know enough about.
One date won’t dismantle racism, but it’s important to learn from and educate each other.
4. Exchange experiences.
It’s not all about you, you know! This is a great topic to get a little deeper with one another and learn more about each other.
Maybe one of you has experienced racism or witnessed it first hand. Maybe each of you has someone close to you who you’re fighting for.
Black Lives Matter isn’t just some abstract political movement that has nothing to do with your intimate relationships. It’s not all statistics and figures. It’s deeply personal and impacts all of us in some way.
Share your stories and experiences, and get to know where your date is coming from. Be better allies to each other as well as the cause.
5. Share some resources.
The best thing about bringing up Black Lives Matter with friends and family is hearing what sources they’ve been using to stay informed and educated. Your date could do the same.
New relationships are often spent sharing your favorite art or films with your partner, so why not transform this into sharing your favorite anti-racist documentaries or favorite books by black authors? Send them links to petitions you find or interesting articles.
Black Lives Matter is a cause worth fighting for and bonding over. Some of our strongest relationships are formed when we find common passions.
6. Invite them to participate.
You may be inclined to want to keep your love life and political activism separate, but where’s the fun in that?
Even if the person you’re dating doesn’t seem particularly engaged when you talk about BLM, that could be from a lack of knowledge rather than a lack of interest. Sometimes people want to get involved but don’t quite know how.
Inviting your date to marches or rallies means you get to spend time together and become more informed on racial justice. You can make anyone into an ally if you welcome them into the movement.
What’s your ideal first date? Mine is overthrowing systemic racism together and achieving equality for all. If they actually care about you, they’ll care about what you believe in, too.
7. Talk out your differences.
Sadly, even if you give them all the information, facts, and statistics, some people just won’t see things the same way you do. There’s always a chance that bringing up BLM with the person you’re talking to will be met with hostility or backlash.
It’s always worthwhile to engage in healthy debates about race and racism. Even the smallest things like disagreeing with racist opinions or shutting down prejudiced comments propel the anti-racist movement forward.
Ask the person if they’d be willing to change their mind or be more open to your side. Arm yourself with knowledge and talk things out in a calm manner.
8. Know when to quit.
You can’t win em all, and it’s 100 percent okay to back off and end the relationship if you don’t feel heard.
Yes, we need more anti-racist allies, but you can’t convert everyone, and continuing a romantic relationship with someone who you know doesn’t support the BLM movement only sanctions their behavior.
If you’ve given it your best shot and they’re not willing to listen, then respectfully let them know that you don’t want to interact with someone who supports the oppression of black communities. There’s plenty more open-minded, anti-racist fish in the sea!
Alice Kelly is a writer with a passion for lifestyle, entertainment, and trending topics.