5 Skills Divorcing Couples Stuck In Quarantine Together Need To Master
Let these skills framework guide you through your own self-limiting boundaries.
Andi Whiskey/unsplash Going through a divorce is hard!
And being quarantined with your soon-to-be ex during the dissolution of your marriage creates another layer of difficulty.
Stressful times can make you feel out of control, hurt, sad, anxious, fearful, insecure, and powerless. Uncertainty is a part of human existence.
Even though intellectually, you know that this time will pass, it is very unsettling.
It is important to acknowledge that you are most malleable when you find yourself in a difficult situation.
Tough times are opportunities for your own personal development. It is essential to challenge the way you perceive situations that you don’t like.
If you don’t push through your comfort zone, you are guaranteed to repeat the scenario again.
Letting go of your preconceived notions and setting the intention to implement the five "B.R.A.V.E." skills — balance, resilience, autonomy, valor, and empathy — will help you avoid repeating history.
If you're still living with an ex during the divorce process, these skills will create an opportunity for change and healing.
With that said, here are 5 skills to master and apply to your current situation if you're quarantined with an ex.
1. Balance.
A balanced life is essential for personal effectiveness, peace of mind, and living well.
This means creating time for the things you have to do, as well as the things you want to do.
It is up to you to create harmony between your life responsibilities while finding time to participate in activities that bring you pleasure, personal fulfillment, and rejuvenation.
Being confined with your soon-to-be ex can be unsettling. Now more than ever, it is essential to take care of yourself and nurture yourself while setting the intention of creating an efficient and positive mindset.
Part of living a well-balanced life is acknowledging how to deal with adversity, unforeseen events, and uncertainty. You have the power to decide how, where, and when to concentrate your energies.
Making a list if this will help create some kind of structure for you. This quarantine is temporary.
Focusing on creating physical, emotional, and spiritual balance during this challenging time will reduce your stress, improve your mental state of mind, help boost your energy, and improve your mood.
You are in control of what you engage in and how you react.
Remember, your breath is always patiently waiting for you so set the intention of focusing on that prior to taking action.
2. Resilience.
Everyone has varying levels of resilience, but it is a skill you can work to build.
It requires you to pay attention to your experiences, listen to your emotions, and be open to learning from disappointment and failure as well as success and motivation.
Being quarantined with your ex is tough and emotionally exhausting. Your ability to adapt and bounce back during this time will be tested.
It is essential, now more than ever, to spend your time and energy identifying and focusing on the things you can control.
Putting your efforts where they have the most positive impact will allow you to feel more empowered and confident.
Only you have the ability to decide how you are going to interpret the adversities in your life. Seek support from your friends, embrace the challenge, and stay mindful of your responses.
Remember that much of what you are facing in quarantine is temporary. You have overcome setbacks before, and you can do it again!
3. Autonomy.
Nothing gets you to depend on yourself more than fear or stress. Being quarantined and forced to remain under the same roof with your soon-to-be ex can get ugly.
Now more than ever, it is important to set the intention of acting on your own values and interests. Think about what really matters to you and how you can move through this in the healthiest way possible.
Become a creator of how the days will unfold and not a victim of the situation. The choice belongs to you. You are capable of making rational and informed decisions on your behalf.
At this moment, it is essential to be self-aware, self-reflective, and to self-manage in order to fully maximize your potential. Establish and write down your personal visions and goals.
You can use them as affirmations or friendly reminders of your intentions. You are moving through your suffering when you develop a stronger belief in yourself and your capabilities.
You can do difficult things!
4. Valor.
Hardships can be debilitating and painful. Going through the divorce process requires courage. Being confined with your ex for an uncertain amount of time adds another layer to an already challenging situation.
Set the intention of finding a level of acceptance for the circumstance. The only way to diminish the fear and stress is to move through them, face what you have a tendency to avoid, and keep persevering despite your desire to freeze.
If you allow yourself to stay stuck in your fear, misery, or anxiety, you cannot grow, and the situation has no opportunity to be different.
Learn how to say "no," ask for what you want, let go of little negativities that weigh you down, and practice defying the status quo.
Just because things have always been a certain way doesn’t mean that it is to remain the same. Aim to confront the challenges and fears you are facing and allow your valor to drive your responses and decisions.
By moving forward, empowerment and resolution will follow.
5. Empathy.
Being stuck in the same living quarters with your ex is a difficult time to practice empathy. However, it results in a greater level of harmony, which helps resolve conflict and disagreements quicker.
No one wants to live in a war zone!
It is important to understand that true empathy works in two ways.
First, it is about nurturing the ability and desire to have compassion for someone else. It requires being open-minded to the feelings and experiences of another.
Empathy also involves working on setting aside your own personal biases, opinions, agenda, and beliefs, and making a conscious choice to accept the other person as they are and for who they are — flaws and all.
Second, empathy is practicing having the self-awareness needed to better understand yourself, your motives, and your emotions and the effect you have on the other person through your words, actions, and behavior.
Only you can decide how to get through this period of confinement with the most peace. Everyone wants to be heard and acknowledged.
Set the intention of being mindful of your body language, tone of voice, eye contact, and the words you choose. You have the power to make conscious choices, which will guide you through this taxing period.
Encourage yourself to remain open and to nurture your ability to forge ahead in a healthier direction.
Aim to give yourself permission to feel the feelings that come up during this difficult time and the opportunity to move through them in a productive way.
Looking from a different angle and consciously deciding what you want to do is the first step in taking your power back.
You have control over how you react when you set the intention of looking at a challenging situation with objectivity and purposefully deciding what you want for yourself.
Using these skills will give you the framework you need to follow so that you can move on and come out of this COVID-19 quarantine period with your soon-to-be ex less stressed, stronger, and having more confidence.
You will rise!
Jennifer Warren Medwin is a CDC Certified Divorce Coach, Supreme Court of Florida Family Mediator, and a Certified Marital Mediator. She has a private practice in Pinecrest, Miami called Seeking Empowerment: Clarity through Partnership.