What Men Are Thinking When They Shower You With Compliments Early On
He says a lot of really sweet things, but does he mean them?
Getty When you meet a man who shares compliments generously, it can be an incredible thrill and deeply flattering. Who doesn't want to be adored and listen to the reasons somebody thinks they’re amazing?
Sometimes you go through such a long dry spell between guys that hearing sweet compliments from a man can be one of the most soothing elixirs for your heart. It's almost addictive if your love tank is empty and you've been alone for a long time — you simply soak up the flattery and enjoy the attention.
When a guy compliments you a lot, you might be asking, "What do I say?" If you have trouble responding to compliments, that's normal, as a lot of people feel differently about receiving compliments. You could respond by saying thank you and then compliment him back as most men actually love when women compliment them.
But when a guy showers you with compliment after compliment when you first start getting to know each other, it's natural to question his true intentions.
What does it mean when a guy compliments you so much so early on — and how do you know if they're being sincere?
Taking time to step back and wonder about a man's motives is a very wise move.
1. He wants to get you into bed.
Let's think about it... Why would a man shower you with compliments? What could he want? Hmm...
As you might be starting to realize the obvious, flattery can be highly seductive. Women who haven't had romantic attention in years are often the most susceptible to charming men who know what they want to hear.
How do they know? It's not rocket science!
He knows you want to feel pretty, special, and desired. He says the sweetest things, so you lower your guard and let him into your world — and bed.
You want to believe he thinks you're “the one” he’s been looking for and that he'll stick around to make you happy.
But if you hear a run of compliments coming at you faster than what seems normal, think twice! Chances are he wants to get you into bed quickly. Then maybe he'll see you again a few times, or maybe not.
2. He's a narcissist or control freak.
Another possible reason for a shower of compliments early on is that you've met a man looking for a woman who will quickly fall for his flattery. That's his clue she's likely to be someone he thinks he can control.
This manipulative technique is called “love bombing.”
Men who love-bomb will chase you like crazy, saying they want to be with you every minute, seeing you every night and all weekend long. They tend to rush the relationship along and want to be exclusive right away.
You might catch yourself thinking, “Wow he's really into me! This is almost too good to be true!”
Anytime you think something along these lines, that's your big red flag warning you that it is, in fact, too good to be real.
Once a controlling man feels the relationship is established and he has won you, you'll notice a huge change in his personality as he drops the Mr. Nice Guy act and starts telling you what to do.
Narcissists also tend to start off with a load of flattery. At first, the narcissistic man thinks you are every bit as superior as he is. However, just give him a little time. He'll soon see your faults (real or imagined) and tell you all about them.
Then, he'll try to change you to fit his vision, forgetting about all the things he was taken with about you at the beginning.
There is no fixing these toxic relationships.
3. He might be deeply insecure.
Men who shower you with compliments from the word go aren't all bad. Sometimes a guy is so shocked that a fabulous woman like you is giving him the time of day that his nerves cause him to blurt out all the things he's thinking about you as he thinks them.
It's exciting to imagine a man might be thinking complimentary thoughts about you. But when he spits them all out one after another, saying how beautiful you are — going on about your eyes, hair, figure, and more — he may actually be showing you his insecurity.
He may be hoping to win you over by expressing every positive aspect about you that has captured his attention, but this is often a huge turn-off for a confident woman who realizes something isn't quite right.
How can you tell if a man is being sincere with his compliments?
A man who finds you very attractive will express one or two things he's taken with. He might love your hair, outfit, or smile.
But a sincere man won't flood you with compliments from the moment they meet you. He'll hold back out of self-respect.
Quality men rarely reveal too much too quickly because they aren't hot to be vulnerable. That would be like showing his underbelly. Instead, his confidence helps him manage his excitement about you.
This is why men wait a few days before calling you once they have your number. What's the hurry? He's not going to expose his true feelings early on like this until he gets a read on your response to him.
A man's restraint with flattery is how you know when a compliment has been offered sincerely.
Most men wouldn't be caught dead sharing one compliment after another. This is not how a confident, high-caliber man behaves. So, if a man you just met starts to go on and on about why he thinks you're the bomb, it's time to make your exit.
Even if it's been too long since someone paid this kind of attention to you, think twice. Something that seems too good to be true almost always is.
Quality men don’t spill their guts when you first meet them. Only controlling, needy or manipulative men do that kind of thing.
If you're looking for true love, the slow consistent build Is better.
If you are looking for the real thing and lasting love with the right man, look for a guy who asks you out and stays in touch consistently.
He's not the type to leave you hanging because he wants to get to know you. He'll ask you out once or twice a week initially, calling at least once a week and texting in between. Things will continue to pick up as you get to know each other and feelings start to grow.
A quality man asks questions to get to know you better and actually makes eye contact and listens to your answers. He wants to know what you like and what makes you happy. He doesn't only talk about himself or his plans for you, and he doesn't go on and on about how great you are, because he wants to get to know you before exposing the strength of his interest.
He takes his time — in a good way.
Men who rely on flattery don't make time to see you, or they show up in a big way at first, only to then disappear.
They won't show you the consistency you need to see, so they aren't demonstrating genuine, possibly long-term interest.
There's no rush when it comes to lasting love, so don't be fooled by some guy who flatters the heck out of you and rushes to cement a relationship.
The kind of man who showers you with compliments and comes on strong early provides lots of sizzle, then fizzles out quickly. Avoid men who demonstrate this behavior if you hope to sidestep heartbreak.
Now you know what men are thinking when they shower you with compliments — they likely have an agenda that is not in alignment with your desire for true love.
If you want to date a man like this because you think it could be fun, go ahead!
Guard your heart, don't fall for his sweet words, keep your eyes wide open, and be prepared to exit fast when things go sour.
Ronnie Ann Ryan is an Intuitive Coach, Past Life Reader, and author of six books. She’s the creator of the free audio course How to Ask the Universe for a Sign and Get an Answer Within 24 Hours. She's been published on ABC, BBC, and NPR.