6 Things That Must Exist At The Same Time For A Relationship To Work
How to curate a relationship that is built to last.
Syda Productions | Canva Relationships are what give our life meaning. Have you ever thought about how your life will be without any loved ones and not a single meaningful relationship? Lonely and scary, right?
Sustaining a relationship can sometimes be a hard task, as you are bound to have bad days. But, you need to accept the good with the bad. Each relationship is meant to teach us valuable lessons about ourselves. Not all the lessons are joyful and easy. But all are important. Here are some key principles that must exist at the same time to make a relationship work.
Here are 6 things that must exist at the same time for a relationship to work:
1. The ability to practice self-love
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I’m sorry to disappoint you, but if you don’t love yourself, your partner can’t help you with that. On the contrary, they’ll reflect your lack of self-love and self-confidence to you.
Many people go into relationships for the wrong reasons. They feel lonely, and they want someone to appreciate them because they don’t appreciate themselves.
But as long as you want your partner to make you feel good about yourself, you push them away, and you’re even further from loving yourself. The other person is never the source of your happiness and love.
You have to find it within yourself, regardless if you’re in a relationship or not. This might be a harsh lesson, but it also gives you inner freedom.
If you want to make a relationship work, then focus on being the source of love for yourself first. If you don’t love yourself, you cannot expect that someone else could love you completely. It just doesn’t work this way. You only attract people who reflect where you stand energetically.
2. The ability to not lose yourself in a parnter
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When we find a partner, we feel so happy that it’s very easy to forget about what we want and need. We might compromise who we are to spend more time with them. Compromising in a relationship shouldn't include your core values, according to research from The Gottman Institute.
Longer into the relationship, we get used to doing things together. It makes sense. Everyone has been there.
But, this is so dangerous for any relationship. When we let go of our hobbies, goals, and friends, so we can spend more time together, we make the relationship codependent. And this will never work and last.
It’s vital to keep working on your dreams and to have the “me time.” Me time is your time to do what you love. While doing what you love, you recharge your batteries, and then you feel happier and share this happiness with your mate.
Therefore, it’s crucial for both of you. This is especially true for women. I have a saying: An unhappy woman means an unhappy relationship and family.
Thus, it’s not helping anyone when you’re all the time available and forget about the things that make your heart sing. Remember that a great relationship starts with you.
3. The ability to take ownership of your own mess
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Everyone has different experiences and beliefs. We carry our baggage of unhealed issues anywhere we go.
But somehow, strangely many of us expect that once we’re in a relationship, we can hand over our baggage to the other person, and they’ll help us carry it. So, we blame the other person when things don’t go our way or we don’t feel good.
But the other person is not the source of your issues. Yes, they trigger them, and sometimes very well, but they only mirror back to you any unhealed wounds, so you can release them. We’ve all received some negative treatment from family, school, society, ex-partners, etc.
But the pain doesn’t disappear by itself because it’s stuck energy in your system that you have to let go of consciously. Otherwise, it stays there and keeps attracting similar painful moments until you choose to heal it.
4. The ability to be an open book
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Although there are many tips on how to stay mysterious and keep the attraction — if you don't want to create a lasting relationship built on trust, then forget this piece of advice. Another killer of relationships is assumptions. When you don’t communicate precisely what you want, think, and need, your partner will assume what it is. And that leads to misunderstandings.
The same is true and vice versa. If they don’t tell you exactly how things are, then your mind naturally goes into some negative scenarios. Good communication is vital. Always say what you exactly want and feel, even if you don’t know.
When you feel bad without any apparent reason, instead of replying “nothing” when your partner asks how you are, say; “I feel bad, but I’m unsure why. This feeling started a couple of days ago, but it has nothing to do with us. Please, give me some time to figure it out.” This is more precise than saying just “nothing,” even if you aren’t sure what is going on.
5. The ability to not 'own' a person
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Your partner doesn’t belong to you, even if you’ve been together for 30 years. No one belongs to us.
The truth is that we were born alone and we’re going to leave this world alone. Thus, the only person you’ll ever be with, all the time, is you.
Your partner also has hobbies and dreams. And, as well as you, they should also follow their hearts and do what they love. Any (hidden or not) control is like poison for both of you.
We all have free will, and it means that not everyone will always act as they wish. If they cross the line of your standards, then you have to think if you’re willing to continue but don’t try to imprison them before it happens. Because otherwise, they’ll run away.
6. The ability to support your partner
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Be the biggest cheerleader for your partner. When they’re happy, your relationship will be more at ease and mutually supportive. I don’t know anything worse than a person burying their dreams and then looking back at some point feeling depressed that they didn’t do what they wanted.
If you love your partner, then you want them to do whatever makes them happy and create a supportive environment. The bonus part is that when they work on their dreams, it’s a time for you also to do what you love. Being in a supportive relationship can reduce depression, research from 2022 confirms.
A meaningful relationship will always enrich your life. However, things are not always going to be hunky-dory. Some days are going to be worse than others, and some days are going to give you memories of a lifetime.
As long as you understand your relationship and your partner, everything will gradually fall into place. You will see that it was simple from the beginning itself. And in that, lies the essence of a meaningful relationship.
Sylvia Salow is a writer, soul healer, author, and speaker.