5 Steps To Healing After You Break Up With A Friend
Breakups hurt worse with friends.
Joshua Rawson-Harris She was your best friend, your sister from a different mister. She was supposed to be your friend until the end. She played a huge role in your life. Whenever something big happened, whether it was a job promotion or break up, you’d call her. She knew just the right things to say to make you burst out into uncontrollable laughter or how to get under your skin.
She just knew you.
Many people in your life will claim to know you, but she really did. You allowed her into the inner parts of your soul. The vulnerable moments you have shared with one another created an insuperable bond. She even knows you more than your boyfriend. You can have girl talk with your boyfriend, but it just isn't as much fun.
It seemed like within a blink of an eye all the history you shared with her disappeared. Maybe you guys gradually stopped talking and allowed distance to drive a wedge. Or the friendship could have ended abruptly due to betrayal.
No matter how it ended, it hurt. It hurts to know the friend who you counted on the most in your life was no longer there.
Friendships, like relationships, aren’t perfect because the people in them are imperfect themselves. There will be disagreements and moments of aggregation. If you find the bad times outweigh the good times it could be a sign that it’s time to say good bye to your best friend.
No matter how cliche it sounds, it’s a hundred percent true: people change. As we grow and evolve as individuals, if we don’t grow together with our loved ones, we outgrow them. It isn’t fair to you or her to remain in a friendship that stunts your growth.
Everyone can agree that breakups are hard! They might not always be as dramatic as portrayed on tv, but they’re still just as devastating. And best friend breakups are admittedly the worst.
In regular relationships, you know breakups can happen, but you never think that you and your best friend will break up. Friendship breakups like these can come as a shock and throw you into a spiral of grief. If you're in this situation and need help finding ways to heal from your grief over losing a friend, look to these steps to help you move on with your life — without her.
1. Get some closure.
You can’t force someone to be your best friend if they no longer want to. You must move on for your own benefit. One-sided friendships do more harm than good. A great way to get closure is by having a final conversation with your ex-best friend on why and how the relationship went wrong. This is an opportunity for you both can get the answer to your questions and express your feelings.
In some cases, closure isn’t an option for various reasons. If you can’t talk to them about it, don’t fret. You can have your own closure. Your own closure would consist of you acknowledging the pros and cons of the former relationship and realizing why it should end.
2. Understand that friendships don't always last forever.
As harsh as it may sound, friendships end. Understanding that makes the healing process so much easier. Sometimes it truly isn’t your fault. Some people are only meant to stay in your life for a specific season.
A friendship not lasting forever does not diminish its value at all. A friendship’s value is determined by the experiences and lessons shared. Great memories don’t simply disappear at the end of a friendship. The friendship may be dead in real life, but it’ll live on forever in your memories.
3. Talk to someone trustworthy.
Find an outlet to express your emotions regarding your friendship breakup. A professional therapist would be great, but not everyone can afford or make the time for one. Talking to a trustworthy loved one who gives great advice is a great second choice.
Even writing how you feel in a journal is beneficial as well. The point is, you need to express how you're feeling and not allow it to bottle up inside of you. The process of healing requires you to be aware and transparent about your emotions.
4. Allow yourself to grieve.
It’s fine to be in your feelings. Cry if you need to. Feel how you want to feel. We are entitled to our feelings.
No one has the right to tell you how we should feel. You can have an off day — you are human after all. You are not required to plaster yourself with a fake smile to make others comfortable. Allow yourself as much time to grieve as you need, but remember that life goes on.
The grieving stage should not last forever, because if it does, you’ll forget who you once were. Just because you no longer have a best friend doesn’t mean you won’t have more happy moments in your life. You are young, beautiful and capable, so your life will be filled with many more good times and friendships.
5. Get out and socialize.
It’s time you put on your little black dress and live your best life! You can’t stay in the house all day and expect to make new friends. You need to go out, have fun and broaden your horizon. There are tons of great girls out there that could make great friends. It’s your job to but yourself out there and remain true to yourself, so the right one will come along.
You may not find a connection like the one you previously shared with your ex-best friend, but that’s ok you might find one that’s even better. Don’t rush into calling another girl your best friend just for the sake of it. Allow the friendship to flourish organically.
Tamara Sanon is a writer who covers pop culture, astrology, and relationship topics.