Men: The 10 Most Important Things You Should Do On A First Date
Here's how to ensure a good first date and get yourself a second one.
Robert Kneschke via Canva By Theo Harrison
Okay! So, you have finally managed to ask a girl out on a date and she agreed.
Great! She is pretty, smart, and amazing. You like her. She may like you. This may lead to something.
Or at least that’s what you feel. Well, you should.
No one wants to keep dating new people day after day, week after week, and month after month.
We all hope to meet a special someone and have something meaningful, something that will last.
And all that can happen just by having a great first date, which hopefully leads to a second one and a third one, and so on.
But, this is where it gets super scary for us men.
Making sure your first date goes perfectly can be nerve-wracking.
While on the date, you want to make sure that she likes you.
You want to show her that you’re interested, you are having fun, and you’re connecting.
But, you don’t want to come off as desperate and needy either.
Trying too hard is never a good idea when it comes to impressing women.
This is why you need smart first-date tips and hacks that will help you to remain confident and play it cool while having fun on your first date with a girl who just might be the one.
Yes, it is easier to meet someone these days through those tons of dating apps, but it is even harder to meet someone who you would consider meeting a second time.
And it is even harder for men. Why?
Men are expected to be charming, brave, successful, emotional, strong, funny, sensitive, and whatnot.
But, that’s not the worst part. When it comes to dating, women tend to have the upper hand.
Unless you are a player or pickup artist, you will feel anxious and nervous to some extent when meeting a beautiful woman, asking her out, and finally going on your first date with her.
This is a sad reality as most men have been programmed to have a scarcity mindset.
We feel insecure and helpless when dating an attractive woman.
We feel she holds all the power. We feel lucky that we get to take her out on a date and this is why we try too hard and appear desperate.
With this scarcity mindset, we tend to forget that we are attractive, too.
Understand this: If she is talking to you, she must have found something interesting about you.
If she has agreed to go out on a date, she must find you attractive, too.
If she is laughing and enjoying the date, then she is enjoying your company.
You’re good enough for her.
There is no need to put her on a pedestal just because you like her and believe she is the one.
If she is the one for you, then things will happen naturally. You will automatically feel a connection and get closer.
The secret tip to having a great first date and making a connection is confidence.
Believe that you are enough and that you are likable, cute, funny, smart, and adorable just like she is.
If she is a princess, you’re no less than a knight in shining armor.
A nice guy or a bad boy? The attraction dilemma.
With tons of contradictory and confusing first date tips and advice available online, men are being set up to fail when it comes to dating attractive women.
Society expects us to be compliant in a relationship and be cooperative with women.
However, we are also expected to be ambitious, assertive, and have an attractive personality to make women interested in us.
Finding a balance between the two can be very difficult and often leads to dissatisfaction, disappointment, and disrespect from women.
As a result, dating in the modern world can be nothing less than torturous for us.
If you decide to become a nice guy and be compliant, then you may be able to get into a relationship.
However, as women are biologically and socially wired in a particular way, they find compliant partners unattractive in the same relationship.
Hence, this leads to increased arguments and fights in relationships, loss of physical intimacy, infidelity, and getting disrespected by women.
No man wants that in a relationship.
On the other hand, if you have a bad-boy attitude, you will be deemed biologically attractive.
You will have a lot of success with women, you will be able to go on dates with different women and have more than enough partners.
However, you will also be perceived as players, jerks, creeps, and even sexist by most women.
You will be considered unfit for a meaningful relationship and will not be seen as husband material.
Most likely, you will never experience true love nor will you be respected by women.
How to get girls to like you.
So, how can you get a beautiful woman attracted to you and stay loyal and respectful?
Well, here are a few simple ways to become more attractive to women instantly:
1. Be more confident
As I said earlier, confidence can be a game-changer in dating.
Women love confident men. Period.
They don’t find needy, awkward, desperate, and insecure men attractive.
Regardless of what they tell you, you will have no chance with a woman by not being confident.
They might still keep you around to boost their ego, but it is highly likely you will never be a romantic partner.
So, be confident. Talk to them openly and honestly. Show them that you value yourself and respect her.
It doesn’t have to be that hard. Simply stop doubting yourself and believe that you deserve to be with her.
If nothing else works, fake it until you make it. But, be confident.
2. Develop an abundance mindset
Getting rejected or breaking up can be devastating. I get it. I have been through these myself and I know how it feels.
But, you need to understand there are many other women available out there who are just as amazing as the girl you thought was the one.
Irrespective of how she behaves with you, never chase her. Let her know that you are interested. Show her that you like her.
But, don’t go out of your way to pursue her. Stand your ground and let her come to you.
If it’s meant to be, it will be. If not, you never know who you may meet next. She just might be the one you were looking for.
RELATED: Men With These 11 Personality Traits Are The Most Attractive To Women
3. Know the basics of attraction
It’s not easy to get women to like you unless you have a natural magnetic charm.
However, you can learn to be more attractive, just like a skill.
Learn attractive body language, be hygienic, have good manners, dress smart, talk honestly and smoothly, and be reliable.
This will help you make a good first impression and make her like you more.
4. Love yourself first
If you want women to love you, then you have to start by loving yourself first.
How can you expect anyone to love you if you don’t love yourself? Get rid of all self-doubt and self-pity.
Focus on building your own life by having a successful career, developing a healthy body, and pursuing your passions and interests.
Not only you will be happier in life, but women will also find you more interesting and would want to know you better.
First dates can be boring and awkward. But, they can also be exciting and brimming with chemistry.
Yes, dating can be complicated and torturous for men.
You have to worry about chemistry, having fun, being attractive, going to a place she will like, dressing up well, walking the walk, and talking the talk.
But, too much pressure can certainly screw things up.
Not only do you have to worry about how you are going to behave and what you’re going to say, but you also need to attract her enough to go on a second date.
Whether you have been on a date before or whether you’ve been single for some time, most of us men know very little about how to have a great first date.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been single. It could be months or a few minutes.
You could definitely use some help that will help you paddle through the wild waters of dating.
If you want to make your first date perfect and make sure she thinks about you afterward, then here are some helpful first-date tips and suggestions to make your date fun, romantic, and great.
Men, here are the 10 most important things you should do on a first date:
1. Do some research
Thank god for social media.
These days, it’s become so easy to know someone simply by checking out their online profile.
Okay, I am not talking about cyberstalking here. Back up there a little. You don’t want to be a creep.
But, it can be a good idea to know your date a little bit before going to meet her.
Checking out her social media profiles will help you understand her interests, likes, dislikes, what shows and movies she likes, what type of cuisine she prefers, and what type of activities she is into.
This will help you plan your date in a smarter way without being manipulative.
2. Pick a great location
The place you choose for the date will set the tone for the rest of the evening.
Once you have done some research about her, you will be better able to pick the right place for your first date.
In case you don’t know what she likes, it’s best to choose a neutral location where you can sit down, relax, talk, and get to know each other.
You certainly don’t want to go bungee jumping on your first date.
However, that doesn’t mean you simply pick a fancy restaurant to hang out at.
Although dinner and a movie is the classic choice, I would suggest you take her to a coffee shop or a local bar.
The convenient and casual environment will make sure that she doesn’t feel awkward and freely engage in no-pressure conversation.
3. Look hot
I cannot stress this enough. Looking good is mandatory. Period. Dress well and look good.
You don’t need to rent a tux, but make sure to wear some of your best clothes, set your hair properly, get a shower, use a deodorant, and wear that confidence.
Top it off with a nice, genuine smile. The better you look, the more confident you will feel.
The better you look, the more interested she will be in getting to know you.
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4. Just be yourself
I know you want her to like you and even fall in love with you. But, you can’t make someone like you.
Of course, you can put on a show, be a fake person, and do things you believe she might like, but still, she is not liking you.
She is liking that fake person you’re being. Relax a bit and breathe. You don’t know what she will like.
So, it’s best to just be yourself. Be who you are and she just might like that. She may be looking for exactly the type of person you are.
When you are yourself, you will be more open and flexible to your surroundings.
That means you will react better to whatever she does or says and show her who you are.
Take things easy and light and just let her meet and fall in love with you.
5. Talk, listen, and share
Now that you are on a date with this pretty lady, what do you say to her? What do you talk about?
You are not here to make small talk. You are here to make a connection.
So, how can you make sure the conversation is interesting and fun? Figure out what you are going to say in the first 30 seconds. That’s it.
This is the most awkward part of the date.
But, if you know what you will say and what topics you want to talk about in the initial 30 seconds, then you can set the conversation flow and set momentum.
Once you have started the conversation, let her talk and make sure you listen to her.
From here onwards, just go with the flow.
Ask simple questions, like how she is doing or how her weekend was.
But don’t ask stupid or boring questions, like what does she do at work.
You are on a date. Not an interview. She is here to have fun. Not to talk about work.
Just keep the conversation natural and try not to force any topics on her that she isn’t comfortable with.
6. Look at her eyes and lips
Now that you’ve started talking, it’s time we create some tension and chemistry.
Once the conversation starts flowing and you are having a good time, you connect with each other.
This is when she starts feeling attracted to you.
This is where you need to build some tension to make sure she wants you long after the first date is over.
Without chemistry, the attraction will fade away and she will instantly move on to the next guy.
But, how do you build chemistry? Simple, just look into her eyes while making conversation and taking a pause at times.
Hold the stare and then, just smile. Then, you start talking and laughing again.
But, that’s not enough. You also need to look at her lips while she talks to you. Don’t be afraid.
She won’t think you’re a pervert unless you are being really creepy.
When you look at a woman’s lips, she will start having sensual thoughts and it will build the chemistry you want.
However, make sure you don’t keep staring at her eyes or her lips more than you need to.
The keyword here is subtlety.
7. Pay attention to her
Put your smartphone down. You wanted to go out on a date with her, well now here you are.
You don’t want to ruin this moment by staring into your cell phone or leering at other women.
Checking your phone every two minutes will only annoy her and crush any attraction or chemistry that you have built until now.
You need to give her your undivided attention. This is one of the best first-date tips you can get.
Just pay attention to her and watch how quickly she starts liking you.
Paying attention paves the road to a long-term, committed relationship.
8. Make her laugh
You know it works. I don’t need to tell you this. You don’t need to be a stand-up comedian to make your date laugh.
Just listen to what she is saying and use humor to make her feel light and relaxed.
You can even use sarcasm to tease her from time to time.
Just make sure you don’t start cracking obscene jokes that will make her feel awkward.
Use your natural humor to show her that you're intelligent and that you know how to have fun.
This is an excellent trick to get any girl attracted to you.
9. Create a sense of mystery
Being mysterious is a great idea if you want to go on further dates with this girl.
Being too available is an attraction killer. You want her to feel excited about the date and chase you, instead of you chasing her.
Being a little mysterious will keep her interested in you and she will want to meet you again.
Although you should share some aspects about yourself, make sure you don’t act like an open book.
She should feel like exploring your different sides and feel an intense desire to know you.
This will happen when you are being genuine and share bits and pieces about your interesting life.
10. Text her afterward
Forget the norms. If you like her and find her attractive, then get in touch with her once the date is over.
You can send her a short email or a text (does anyone even call these days?) saying how much you enjoyed her company, ending with a simple thanks.
This will tell her that you are interested and you liked her.
Moreover, she will feel comfortable and confident enough to stay in touch with you.
This could even lead to some casual flirting and before you know it, voila! You have a second date with her.
If you are waiting for her to contact you first, then you need to realize she just might be thinking the same thing.
So, drop the ego and send that text.
Here are 6 things you need to avoid:
Now that you know what you need to do to make your first date with your special lady great, let’s take a look at some of the things that you need to avoid to ensure that you don’t sabotage your date.
1. Don’t get too touchy-feely
Although it’s fine to touch her in a friendly, warm, and natural way, make sure you don’t touch her right away.
Unless there is a connection and chemistry, keep your hands to yourself.
2. Avoid being cheap
You don’t want to look miserly and frugal on your first date.
If you are a little cash-strapped, then get creative and plan your date in a way that doesn’t require you to spend a lot of money, like going on a hiking trip.
3. Don’t be uptight — let her split the bill
So, you make a lot of money. That’s great.
But, you need to show her respect and appreciate the fact that she is a financially independent woman.
If she insists on splitting the bill, treat her as an equal and let her pay.
4. Don’t brag
Trying to impress her and being obnoxious is not the same thing.
This date is not about you tooting your own horn.
Don’t brag about how much money you make or how much you bench or how many girls you’ve been with.
Talk about your values and beliefs and what is important to you in life.
5. Language
You may love dropping bad words a lot, but a first date is not the place for you to do that.
Make sure you don’t swear and curse every now and then.
Just control yourself for a few hours and behave in front of her.
Don’t forget that you’re trying to impress her.
6. Don’t be too excited (or at least don’t show it)
Regardless of how excited you may be underneath to have the opportunity to date this wonderful woman, make sure you play it cool on the outside.
Being too enthusiastic on a first date may send out the wrong signals and send her running for the hills.
Act confident and composed at all times, but be jovial and flexible as well.
There you have it. I hope you’re all set for your first date and hope that it goes really well.
It doesn’t have to be perfect nor does it have to be complicated.
The two most important things that you need to keep in mind are confidence and having fun. Everything else will sort itself out.
Good luck! These first-date tips will help you for sure!
Theo Harrison is an artist, blogger, writer, and former contributor to The Mind's Journal, who writes primarily about mental health, pop culture, and relationships.