This Is The Only Real Way To Move Forward In Life (Hint: Self-Love Has A Lot To Do With It)
it's time to let go of your past.
by Renato Abati from Pexels Sometimes, the past refuses to stay buried, no matter how hard you try letting it go. And sometimes, when you're trying your best to think positive thoughts and move forward, it might seem like the Law of Attraction isn't working for you.
But there are ways to improve your use of the Law of Attraction, increase your happiness, and make your emotional intelligence better than ever before.
Do you ever try to let go of something and then, the more you try, the more you hold on?
“Let go and let God,” is a wonderful and well-known quote, but it didn’t come with an instruction manual.
Why is it so hard to let go when you really, really want to? And why does trying to "get rid of it" not work?
Part of moving forward and letting go of the past is about embodiment and being willing and able to feel any unresolved energies and emotions holding you back.
Many people are often puzzled why following the Law of Attraction doesn’t create the desired results. Unbeknownst to them, they do the exact opposite of what will help attract a new reality into their lives. They try to "get rid of" the emotions that seem to be holding them back.
It doesn’t work. "Getting rid of" doesn’t work. Letting go does, however, most people are still missing the instructions of how to let go.
Have you ever tried one of those Chinese finger traps? You’ll remember that the harder to pull, the tighter it gets and the more you feel stuck.
The trick is to move your fingers closer together instead of trying to get them out of the trap. When you move your fingers closer together, the trap opens up a little, and suddenly you can let go.
This is such a great metaphor for either getting rid of something or simply letting it go.
Obviously, nobody wants to feel pain, so your initial reaction to get rid of the pain is warranted. Wanting to get rid of something, however, involves resistance to it and resistance to moving closer to it, just like in the Chinese finger trap.
For instance, you may get frustrated that all your efforts of thinking positive and trying to get rid of old beliefs and emotions have not worked.
You may have been trying to ignore some old trauma from your childhood, which definitely has been getting in the way of moving forward. Perhaps you're also judging yourself for still having these feelings, no matter how hard you try to resist them.
Everyone carries a bag full of unresolved painful emotions from their past with them. These emotions all still have an impact on your life to this day.
Most didn’t learn how to manage these emotions because they happened when they were young and often dependent on those who inflicted this pain, consciously or not. So here you are, many years later, still carrying this bag with you, all while trying to get rid of it.
- Do you even know what's in your bag?
- Have you ever been curious about what you're dragging along?
- Or have you thrown the bag behind your back, trying to get rid of it, yet constantly feeling the heaviness of it in your life?
When you have unresolved painful emotions, they need something from you before you're able to let them go. Trying to get rid of them or judging them will not do the trick.
In the case above, your bag may contain intense sadness and anger you've been trying to ignore your whole life. You tried to do things to make you happy, but when it didn't work, you sunk into the heaviness of your emotional bag.
Once you take a look and realize what's in your bag and why you've been so angry and sad your whole life, you may feel embarrassed or even disgusted with your reasoning. At first, that can add to the resistance, but at least now those feelings are conscious.
The embarrassment and disgust, along with feeling selfish is like the Chinese finger trap that keeps the pain trapped and your energy stuck.
What do you need to let go?
Imagine a little child who is heartbroken and terrified because she feels all alone and nobody is giving her any attention. Then on top of that, if you feel disgusted and embarrassed about her, what do you think that will do to her pain?
It makes her pain worse, doesn’t it, and it tightens the finger trap even more. It doesn’t help her let go!
There is a better way:
Ask your Heart right now: What does this little girl need? What would you offer her?
Take a moment and reflect on that, because in your answer lies the instructions in letting go.
When you help her feel safe and loved, over time she’ll start loosening up. Most of us need a little help figuring out what these pained and traumatized parts really need, so please use kindness and patience in this process. And please reach out for help.
When you offer these scared and unloved parts what they need, you are offering the medicine that will help them relax a little. The finger trap softens and allows more space.
The more you offer kindness, care, understanding, love, and compassion to all the parts inside of you, the more the ‘trap’ opens and allows more space. Suddenly you’ll notice that it is so open because the parts inside can finally relax, feel loved and ask for what they need without any judgments or hesitation.
Guess what? This is the time where letting go just happens on its own. There is no doing in letting go. You just slip right out of the contraction and your frequency has changed.
In the process of letting go of something, take the time to deeply listen to the part of you that keeps nagging you and tagging on your skirt. What does she want? What does she need - from you? What have you been denying her, while expecting others to give it to you?
It’s beautiful to see when someone turns back inside themselves with love and care and compassion, giving herself what she’s denied herself her whole life, while expecting others to give it to her.
What part of yourself are you resisting, denying or keeping stuck in the finger trap?
Pernilla Lillarose is a self-love mystic and mentor at Divine Feminine Flow, who helps women experience more love, peace, and joy in their lives. Feel free to check our her free eBook to learn how true self-love can turn your whole life around.