How To Talk To Your Boyfriend About Getting Professional Help When He's Suffering From Severe Depression
I knew he had depression and I needed to say something — before it was too late.
Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash He came over to my house drunk on a Thursday morning. He tried to hide the fact that every word was a slur and every movement was a stumble. His Depression had now caused him to reach for the bottle, over and over again.
It came to the point where if I didn’t sit down and talk to him, he could have ended his own life.
I always knew my boyfriend (let’s call him, Kian) suffered from depression. It runs in my family and I myself suffer from severe anxiety. He had pretty much all of the signs: loss of intertest, moody, sleepless nights, extreme sadness. I know the ins and outs of therapy and talking through what’s going on in my mind with someone else.
I didn’t have a problem coming to terms with the fact that my mind was wired a little differently — Kian was different. For him, the thought of thinking he was anything but perfectly fine was a problem.
Before I could even remotely touch upon the subject with him, I did my research and looked up ways to approach the topic with Kian. I wasn’t going to flat out tell him, “Babe, you suffer from depression and you need to go seek professional help, like now.”
His depression was starting to make me sad, to the point where I felt like it was partially my fault. He would tell me he would drink because he wasn’t around me — that is too much weight for one person to handle.
I decided to reach out to his sister first and ask her what I should do.
She reassured me that everyone in their family knew of his drinking problem and depression and didn’t know how to handle it either. With so much love in my heart, I knew I had to push him to get help and couldn’t sugar coat it. Even though I previously said I shouldn't just flat out and say it, I realized that this wouldn't be the first time he has heard he's depressed. I realized that coddling him would only prevent him from feeling an urgent need to seek help.
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I’m talking to you now, reader — I respect you so much if you have found a way to comfort someone going through the heart of depression. Or, if you yourself suffer from depression, know you are not alone.
It is never easy and you are one of the strongest individuals on this planet. Okay, side note over.
Kian and I went to the movies and when he drove me home, the night was dark and I knew nobody was around. I took his hands and could feel the tears swell in my eyes. I knew I had to just say it.
I told Kian that I think he has severe, clinical depression that has now caused him to develop alcoholic tendencies. I told him that I was scared, but if he takes the steps to get help I would be there every step of the way. He said he would take my advice and tell his parents, but nothing ever came of it. His parents ended up making him an appointment with a medical professional and with my support, he went the following week.
Eventually, he ended up seeing a professional who prescribed him with anti-depression medication. No, I can’t remember or even come close to spelling the name of the medication, but know it helped!
It isn't easy to come to terms with the fact that you need to take a pill twice a day to function properly. Kian knew this and so did I.
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It still isn’t easy between us: He still drinks when he gets stressed and shows signs of extreme sadness at times. But, I think the medication is helping him take the edge off and get through life without feeling the urge to break down.
He shouldn’t have to silently suffer – nobody should. With the help of a therapist and his supportive family, things are looking up.
Ladies, if your boyfriend or girlfriend may be struggling with depression or another mental illness, it is important to notice, and research what you can do to help.
ALWAYS remember that it is NOT your fault and that only HE can heal himself. You have the power to push him along the way and hold his hand, but it is not your responsibility in the long run. Your mental health comes first and he should understand that.
If you or someone you know is suffering from depression and are in need of serious, immediate help, please call the suicide hotline at: 1-800-273-8255 (open 24 hours, 7 days a week)