3 Easy Ways To Grow Together As A Couple (Before Your Relationship Gets Stagnant)
The great news about relationships is that they are 100 percent renewable.
unsplash No matter how much love, intimacy, lightheartedness, or fun you are currently experiencing in your relationship, you and your significant other have the potential to experience so much more.
And, no matter how tense, stagnant or uncertain things are feeling right now, you have the power to turn everything around and learn how to save the relationship.
Why? Because the quality of your relationship is determined by the quality of the energy you feed it, and energy is an infinitely renewable resource!
There are some important principles you need to understand and practice in order to ensure that you and your partner keep growing together as a couple and that your relationship continues to thrive.
Here are 3 simple ways to guarantee your relationship never gets stagnant — no matter how long you're together:
1. Think of your relationship as a living organism
Although it takes many forms, your relationship is not a “thing.”
It is not an arrangement or a particular status that, once achieved, maintains itself forevermore.
It is a living, breathing, evolving — and sometimes devolving — organism.
It needs attention and care in order to continue to thrive.
Couples who are newly in love innately understand this and are always on the lookout for opportunities to nurture and strengthen the connection.
This can come in many forms, such as buying one another gifts, leaving love notes to express affection, or going out of their way to make life easier for their partners.
But… it’s not about the action. It’s about the energy.
Good, stable relationships are built by consistently taking positive, thoughtful actions — but action is only half of the story.
If you break down what's actually being exchanged when you demonstrate an act of love, you’ll see that each action is just a conduit for the flow of positive energy.
As time goes by, you may have a tendency to forget how essential a role energy plays in maintaining great relationships.
You may begin to view your relationship as a “thing,” or worse, relate to your partner as possessions or as extensions of yourself.
In other words, you start taking them — and the relationship's continued growth — for granted.
When this occurs, your focus shifts from wanting to give to your partner to looking to see how much you can get.
This is a crucial mistake that lovers who are new to one another do not make.
When you're new in a relationship, you're genuinely curious about your partner and pay attention to every nuance.
You’re fascinated by their differences and want to understand what makes them tick.
You experiment with different expressions of love and notice which ones elicit the most powerful response.
Most important, you see one another as individuals and treat one another as friends, not just as one half of a partnership whole.
This must be maintained in order to keep your relationship "alive."
2. Recognize areas of weakness in your relationship
To grow together as a couple and prevent things from getting stagnant, you have to distinguish the quality of energy your relationship is deficient in.
Is it low on playful energy? Has the level of sensual energy waned? Have the qualities of respect or thoughtfulness diminished over time?
Once you’ve identified the quality of energy you feel is lacking, decide that it’s your job — not your partner’s — to generate it.
If your partner values physical touch, provide it often, and in ways that are both sexual and non-sexual.
If you know that words of affirmation boost their confidence, be generous with your verbal and written appreciation.
Remember, the real value of these actions is not in the words or the gestures.
It’s about the quality of energy you're consciously choosing to feed your relationship.
3. "Feed" your relationship like you would feed a fire
Unless you continue to feed and tend it, even a raging fire will eventually burn itself out.
Positive energy is the fuel that will keep your relationship alive and burning bright. Negative attention is a recipe for disaster.
So how do you know whether you’re feeding your relationship nurturing or destructive energy? Consider this:
In every moment, you have the option of looking for and appreciating all that is right about your partner or to focus on the things you wish were different.
Resentment, criticism, jealousy, and self-doubt are positively corrosive to relationships.
If you fall into these unhealthy mindsets, it’s like feeding your relationship poison.
Looking for the positive may take some mental focus in the beginning, but it’s essential in order for your relationship to thrive.
Make a commitment not to complain about your partner. Dwelling on their flaws will only make you more aware of them.
Instead, make lists (both actual and mental) of your partner’s most positive aspects. Deliberately bring to mind the things you appreciate most about them.
Are you thankful for their support? Do you enjoy their great sense of humor? Do you love who and how they are to your children?
What you actively look for, you're more likely to find.
Nourish your relationship with the energy of love and appreciation. The more love you send out, the more that love will come back to you.
What you appreciate appreciates in value.
Focus on the very best attributes of this person prior to each interaction with them — in the privacy of your own heart and mind.
Consistently look to see what energies your relationship could benefit from receiving, and your connection will remain alive and never stagnate.
Christy Whitman is a transformational leader, celebrity coach and the New York Times bestselling author of The Art of Having It All: A Woman’s Guide to Unlimited Abundance. To dive deeper into these principles and more join her on her website for a 7 day meditation series to know you and your life as unlimited.