How To Know If Your Long Distance Relationship Will Work
Should you break up or give long distance a try?
getty You and your boyfriend are happily in love, but you'll soon be joining the millions of people who are in a long-distance relationship. Now what? How do you know if a long-distance relationship will work for you?
Deciding whether or not to pursue being in a long-distance relationship can be a tough choice. Being in a relationship with someone who now lives miles away is a big commitment that comes with its own struggles.
Long distance is a whole new challenge and it can put a lot of stress on a once happy relationship. You may fear that if you end up staying together, the distance will ruin your relationship and cause you to break up anyway.
LDRs require a huge amount of effort from both parties. You must be willing to make frequent visits, which can sometimes come with expensive travel fares, and it's crucial that you have excellent communication skills with each other.
There are many cons to long-distance relationships, but they also have their pros.
Being away from each other allows you time to focus on your own things while still having your partner's support. Also, not being able to be together in person all the time will make it so much more special when you are. You'll be so excited to do simple things like kiss, hug, and hold hands, which are all things that other couples take for granted. You may even be surprised to find that the distance will bring you closer together.
Long-distance relationships can also be filled with loneliness and if your relationship isn't satisfying you anymore, it's time to break up.
However, if things are good between you both and you're just missing him a lot, a visit should do the trick. Seeing him in person will definitely make you feel better and remind you why you're doing this.
If you're on the fence about what to do now that either you or your boyfriend are moving away, here's how to figure out if a long-distance relationship will work for you.
Your long-distance relationship could work if:
1. The distance is temporary.
If one of you is studying abroad for a semester or if you are planning to move to where your partner relocated in the near future, then it's not a bad idea to keep the relationship going. It helps a lot knowing that this situation is only temporary and that the distance is going to end at this specific time.
The unknown is scary and when you're uncertain of how long you'll have to be long-distance it makes things a lot harder. At that point, it just feels like you're waiting forever for something you're not sure will even happen, and it feels like you're stuck being apart.
2. You have a set plan.
If you and your partner have had long talks about what you're going to do during the distance and how to ultimately be together again, then you're ready to tackle a long-distance relationship.
A plan is definitely needed. Even though things almost always never go according to plan, it's important to have communication so you know how you're both feeling about this big change.
Decide how many times you'll visit each other: every two weeks, once a month, every three months, etc.. It's so important to always have a set visit because it makes the distance more bearable. You'll always know the next time you'll see each other, which is comforting.
Also, discuss your plans for how to end the distance. You'll have to decide when the right time is for you to move and be with each other. Make sure you're very serious about this because moving to be with someone is a big deal. It should only be done if you're 100 percent ready for it.
3. The distance isn't too far.
Handling a long-distance relationship is going to be so much easier if you're only going to be a few hours away from each other. There are so many more opportunities to see each other this way as opposed to being in separate states or countries where there are time zones.
Travel is so much easier if he's only a few hours away by car. Paying for gas is a lot cheaper than paying for flights!
You can take turns visiting each other and work out a schedule where you see each other on the weekends. It's a lot more manageable this way and you'll feel less overwhelmed.
Make sure you communicate a lot during the week and set aside time for phone and video calls. You'll still stay in touch during the week and always have your weekend visits to look forward to.
4. You've been apart before and you've handled distance well in the past.
If you've spent time apart before and handled it well, then going through with the long-distance relationship won't be that much harder. Since you've done it on a smaller scale before, you'll already know what to expect.
Learn from what worked and didn't work in the past and use it in your new long-distance challenge. If you were in a long-distance relationship with someone else, then you should already know what's in store for you. If it wasn't a problem the first time around, I say take the chance and go for it again with your current love who is a million times better than the ex-long-distance boyfriend.
5. You're serious about the relationship and have been together for a long time.
If you're really in love and the thought of ending the relationship breaks your heart, absolutely stay together. Don't throw away an incredible, loving relationship just because of the distance. It will make you even stronger as a couple and it's a new challenge to overcome and face together.
Do not let the distance scare you because if you're meant to be together, everything will work out. Trust each other. You've been together for a while and you know him like the back of your hand. If you have a strong bond, no amount of distance will be able to break it.
Always remember that no matter how far he is, he's only a phone call away. You'll be in each other's hearts. There are also so many long-distance relationship gadgets on the market that can help make you feel like you're still connected.
When the distance is a reason to break up:
1. You're already fighting a lot.
If you've been fighting a lot lately, things don't seem too good for your attempt at a long-distance relationship. Maintaining a successful, happy LDR requires good communication skills, trust, love, and support.
The fact that there's already loads of pettiness and fighting is a bad sign. It's the opposite of what's needed right now. You need to have a strong bond and you also need to be in a good place before the distance begins.
If your relationship is already turning sour, things will only go downhill from here and the relationship will end up leaving a bad taste in your mouth. It's better to break it off now before it gets worse. Things will only get harder once you're long-distance, so think carefully before deciding to stay together.
2. You can't handle the loss of a physical relationship.
If you need to have someone physically with you all the time, going through with a long-distance relationship isn't a good idea for you.
If the thought of not having someone physically with you bothers you a lot now, imagine how you'll feel when you're in a relationship with a guy who's miles and miles away from you.
Long-distance relationships take a lot of hard work. It's important that you understand this before making your decision. Long-distance is a completely different relationship than what you're used to and it's going to take a lot of time to adjust to it. Some people take less time to get used to it than others, and you might not be the type who is good with change. It might throw off the balance of your whole relationship since you're used to being together all the time.
If you're not willing to do the distance for as long as it may take, it's probably best you go your separate ways.
3. You haven't been together for that long.
If the relationship is still fairly new, meaning you haven't even hit the one-year mark yet, I suggest you end it now before it gets messy.
You're at the stage where you're still getting to know each other and physical touch is a lot more exciting and important at the beginning of a relationship. You haven't spent enough time together or made it to a level where your relationship is strong enough to survive the long distance.
It's best to end things on good terms so you don't mess up what was a nice connection. You can maybe even leave it open with the possibility of reconnecting in the future if you cross paths again.
4. You have really different life paths.
If you've both already established that you want different things out of life, there's no point in wasting time with long distance. Your hopes and dreams might not match up and that's okay. You may still care about each other, but it would be selfish to hold each other back from what you really want to do if you're still stuck doing long-distance.
If you're headed down different life paths, the distance will only get farther between you, both emotionally and physically. Just accept that you have different ideas on what you want for the future and part ways on good terms. You'll find someone whose life matches better with yours.
5. You're both extremely busy
If you both already have a lot on your plates, adding a long-distance relationship to the mix is the last thing you need. If only one of you is busy, the other one will just be sitting around waiting for a text or phone call feeling lonely and needy. It's a recipe for disaster.
Moving on from the relationship will benefit you and help you focus more on the other things you've wanted to do but haven't paid enough attention to. You were probably preoccupied with the relationship and now is your time to focus on yourself.
My boyfriend and I decided to break up because we have big dreams that need our undivided attention at the moment. He's pursuing his dream of playing Division I Baseball in an out-of-state university, while I'm pursuing my journalism dream at a different university. We're both thriving and it ended on good terms.
Unlike what most people think, it's possible to end a relationship in a positive light. It takes a lot of understanding and honesty. Once you're able to handle your busy schedules better, you never know what might happen between you two. It's always nice to leave the door open.
My advice is: Listen to your heart and do what you feel is best.
If you really love each other, then I say give it a shot. You never know what it will be like until you try it and you might end up handling the distance well. Try not to get other people involved in your choice because it will only stress you out more. This is a decision that's made solely between you and your partner. Good luck. Whatever choice you make, I'm positive it will be the right one.
Lauren Margolis is a writer who covers astrology, pop culture, and relationship topics.