How He Acts When He's In Love, According To His Personality Type
Every type has their tells.
getty Everyone wants love, but it’s also difficult to pin down at times. You know your own feelings well enough, but what are his?
Sometimes, it may seem that picking flower petals is your best bet at determining whether he loves you (or loves you not). Aside from asking him straight-up if he loves you… never mind, let’s stick to the flower.
Regardless of how guarded he may be, there are still bound to be holes in his walls to peep through. He has signs he loves you, for sure: it’s up to you to whip out the magnifying glass and search for clues.
One lens to employ while sniffing out the signs he's falling in love with you is by personality type. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, or MBTI, sorts people into one of 16 different personality types. I took it for the first time in high school for preliminary job searching. It’s useful outside of the professional sphere as well, however. Your personality exists outside of your job, after all.
You may already know his Myers-Briggs type. If not, you might want to encourage him to take the test to learn which of the 16 types he is. No, it’s not for any ulterior motive. There are loads of benefits to knowing your type, and anyway, it’s fun.
If he doesn’t want to do it for whatever reason, there are some clear markers of each type, so you might be able to delineate which type he may fall under.
So, does he love you? There are specific things you’d pay attention to anyway, but with MBTI in mind, you’ll know exactly how to put his words and actions in context. You won’t truly know, of course, until he says those three words … but with a little light investigation, you might be able to tell when they’ll come.
Find his type below to find out how he really feels.
ISTJ
If he’s an ISTJ, it’s no surprise you’re not sure if he’s in love or not. This type buries their emotions under logic. They try to stay calm, cool and collected at all times. That’s not a bad thing at all—it does, however, keep you guessing about what’s going on under the surface.
The ways an ISTJ shows he’s in love may seem understated, but still strong. This type is loyal. If he didn’t feel strongly about you, he would not spend so much time with you. That may sound harsh, but ISTJs are also all about the truth. If he’s comfortable with expressing the fact he loves you, he will. Just give him time and space, but also indicate to him how much you care.
ISTP
He may be in love if you notice some differences in the way he carries himself, specifically around you. ISTPs are confident and careful. Usually.
His feelings may be trying to best his logic. Perhaps he’s being a bit more spontaneous than usual, taking you out on little adventures here and there. You may find him watching you a little more than usual, too. Sounds a little creepy, sure, but ISTPs are observers. Don’t be freaked out. He’s just glad to have someone special to go on adventures with, but might not be the best at expressing himself.
ESTP
ESTPs tend to be very straightforward, so whether he loves you or not is sure to be answered soon. He’s likely transitioning into his feelings; even more likely, he doesn’t quite realize how he feels yet. While this type is usually observant, his judgment may be clouded. All he recognizes is life is great!
You may notice him revving a little bit. You might even feel a little drained being with him: that’s a good sign. It’s time for you to step in and help him slow down a little bit. That way he can stop and smell the roses.
ESTJ
This type loves to take charge; they are straightforward decision-makers. If he’s in love, that might change. He will make space for you to make choices, too. He cares about what you have to say, and what you’d like to do.
It’s more likely, however, that he will tell you he’s in love. He’s matter-of-fact and outspoken. Why wait?
ISFJ
ISFJs’ tells that they’re in love are not as obvious as some of the other types. They are already a naturally loving type. So if they’re in love, their traits will come out even stronger.
Most of all, he will become a caretaker. All his caring instincts will kick in around you. Depending on your own type, this might needle you a bit. He just needs to know his devotion is not misplaced. You can encourage him to share his feelings—on the sly, of course. He may end up sharing more than either of you expected.
ISFP
Whether he’s in love or not depends a lot on you. This should be a determiner for most other relationships for sure, but even more so for ISFPs. He is very attuned to other people. He has a good sense for vibes, but is reserved about drawing attention to them.
You can tell he’s in love through his gestures. They may not necessarily become grander, but instead more intimate.
ESFP
This type is fun, and they certainly won’t slow down for love. He may even become a bit much if he’s in love, always surprising you, giving you things, taking you out. If it’s overwhelming for you, speak up! He’s adaptable and supportive. He won’t mind.
ESFPs are also pretty chatty—this doesn’t mean, however, he’ll be totally open to talking about his deep thoughts and feelings. Try to get the two of you some alone time to help him slow down and open up.
ESFJ
ESFJs are usually down-to-earth, but when confronted with love, it may shake them up a bit. Their feelings may get the best of them. He’ll recognize them pretty quickly, for sure, but won’t necessarily know what to do about them.
It’s likely he will tell you how he feels. It depends on how long you’ve been together, as he tends to be traditional. He’ll want to go through all the steps before expressing his love. Give him the time and space to do so.
INFJ
Don’t expect any sweeping grand gestures of love if he’s an INFJ. This type tends to be reserved and private. If he’s in love, however, he will certainly open up to you, but likely keep his love implicit for a while. That is, he won’t say the words explicitly, but will opt to show you through other words instead.
The grand gestures may be lacking, INFJs are extremely creative. They can be a little intense, too. Just be patient. He’ll tell you at some point, soon.
INFP
The future is extremely important to INFP. If you are in a relationship with an INFP, and he’s in love with you, he will tell you. If you’re not in a relationship and he’s in love, however, he will keep it to himself as to not make waves.
Regardless, he’ll drop hints as to how he feels when he’s in love. He’ll try to get closer to you, physically and emotionally, more than usual. He’ll ask you about your day and how you’re doing, then show true empathy for you.
ENFP
ENFPs are usually very lively, so when they’re in love, they can either become even more gregarious or pull back on the reins a little bit. Ultimately, it depends on you and how you are.
This is because while he’s extroverted, he also had a bit of an introverted side. He’s very perceptive and has more depth to him than you might’ve originally thought. Make sure you talk to him—that may help give you a better indication as to how he really feels.
ENFJ
This type is all about encouraging self-expression. Despite being extroverted, this trait applies more to encouraging others than themselves. They can be expressive for sure — but may take a step back if in love.
You may also notice a slight change in the way he treats you, in a good way. He’ll show more sensitivity to what you have to say and what you’d like to do.
INTJ
INTJs can be a bit hard to read. They tend to be private and focused on their work. They’ll probably be a little shocked themselves if they find they’re in love.
It may be hard for him to keep his feelings in check like he usually can. You’ll notice him getting flustered more easily around you. He will likely worry you think he’s an idiot; really, you know the truth, and it’s sweet.
INTP
An INTP in love won’t try to cover up his actions or feelings, but he might try to make a little game out of it. He’ll want to take stock of your reactions. It sounds intense and intimidating, but his logical mind needs problems to solve and data to analyze in order to make an educated guess as to whether his feelings are reciprocated or not.
ENTP
ENTPs love to do things—they need to be active. They’re also deep thinkers. If you find him stopping what he's doing when he’s around you, he’s probably taking a moment to stop and think. Likely about you and him.
This type is also very strategic. He’s probably going to try to admit to his love in the most romantic way he can imagine, which will be pretty damn romantic given his creativity.
ENTJ
When this type is in love, they’re likely to admit to it. They’re good at keeping their emotions in check, but in marrying logic to love, it’s best to admit to the truth than keep it under the wraps.
If he doesn’t just tell you, then he’s definitely trying to show you through actions. Keep your eyes, ears, and arms open.
Alison Cerri is an editorial intern at YourTango. When she's not writing, she can be found on a run or at rugby practice.