5 Phrases People Only Use When They're Trying To Control You

Have you ever wondered if someone you know is a narcissist or sociopath? How do you tell the difference? First, let me say that all sociopaths are narcissists, but not all narcissists are sociopaths. Confused? Let me try to explain.

While there are definite similarities between the two personality types, the motives behind what they do and say are different. The sociopath wants to control every facet of your life, while the narcissist wants you to devote all of your time and attention to them. However, both personality types have one major trait in common: they both want to control you and will say things to get you where they want you and to do what they want.

Here are phrases people only use when they're trying to control you:

1. "I hate drama"

They will tell you that they hate drama, but you'll soon learn that there's more drama surrounding them than anyone you've ever known.

At first, they idolize you above everyone else, praising you for your perfect easy-going nature. But, remember, they are pathological liars, serial cheaters, and eternal victims. Before long, these qualities start to surface and cause you overwhelming confusion.

Any time you mention your concerns or frustration, they'll declare their hatred of drama and make you feel bad for reacting to their horrible behavior. They make you feel like you're the drama queen or king.

Narcissism-informed life coach Cecilia Williams explained that it's this flair for the dramatics that makes it especially hard to leave narcissists, and explains how The Karpman Drama Triangle "is the perfect way to explain a narcissist v/s codependent cycle."

Williams added, "It is not natural to be in a triangle that is spinning so fast. Your body and psyche are fighting for equilibrium but there is no stable ground to latch onto."

2. "You're…"

Timur Weber / Pexels

…fill in the blank. Crazy, bipolar, jealous, bitter, enamored with them…the list goes on and on. The name-calling usually starts when the relationship begins to go downhill. (If you think your relationship can survive name-calling, think again. One survey done by The Gottman Institute found that 63% of couples who use name-calling during arguments ended up divorcing.)

At the beginning of your relationship, they will tell you that all of their ex-lovers, colleagues, and friends are crazy, bipolar, jealous, bitter, or still in love with them. But then they maintain contact with those very same people, using them to cause chaos.

Then, they throw you into that same "crazy pile," making you feel insecure and diminishing your self-worth. While bringing you down, they show justification for their toxic behaviors.

RELATED: 8 Psychological Tricks To Break Up With The Worst Kind Of Narcissist

3. "You're too sensitive"

After once showering you with 24/7 praise and flattery, they'll ignore you for days on end and wait for you to react. When you finally do, they'll accuse you of being sensitive or needy. They'll insult, belittle, and criticize you (sometimes in a teasing/joking way), pushing your boundaries until you finally speak up.

Then they use your reactions to make you seem crazy. Within weeks, they can turn an easy-going person into a hot mess of insecurities and self-doubt.

4. "You misunderstood me"

Yan Krukau / Pexels

We all misunderstand what people say from time to time. But the narcissist and sociopath will intentionally say things they know will set you off. Then when you react, they'll turn it around on you and blame you for misunderstanding. Oftentimes, they'll even deny that they ever said it.

This is called gaslighting — blatantly doing or saying something, and then blaming you for misinterpreting it (or denying that it even took place). The fact is, you understood what they said perfectly fine.  They're just trying to make you doubt your sanity. 

But fear not: Trial attorney Jefferson Fisher laid out his top three tips for outsmarting a gaslighter. "Never dive into the details with a gaslighter; that's exactly what they want. Instead, keep things simple and focus on the main issue," Fisher advised.

Fisher continued, "Be sure to remain calm during these arguments [with a gaslighter] and redirect the conversation when it inevitably gets off track. Trust yourself and don't allow yourself to be controlled by your emotions."

RELATED: 7 Traits That Make You A Prime Target For A Narcissist

5. "You can't live without me"

This is the hoped-for result that all sociopaths and narcissists want. They use manipulating phrases and actions to make you feel like you can't survive without them.

But, they don't do this because they want a healthy relationship with you. What they want is control over you, and they control you by making you feel like you're crazy. Don't let them get away with it. You can and will survive without them.

If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse, you are not alone. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you've done wrong.
 If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.

RELATED: 12 Signs He's Not In Love With You — He's Obsessed

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