11 Reasons He Can't Get Hard
Don't take offense. He's probably nervous.
getty I remember the first time I was with a guy who had a limp penis and couldn't perform. I was 18, he was 20, and we were two random people in a club having our first hookup — because yeah, I roll like that. We were both at the prime of our lives, and when he couldn’t manage to rise to the occasion, I actually took offense.
“Am I not sexy enough for you?” I asked. I started to look at my body. Maybe I needed a diet? I started to doubt myself. The more he looked anxious, the less happy I was with his reaction. In my foolish teenage head, I thought this meant that he was just not into me and led me on for no reason. He began to panic: “I swear I’m into you. I don’t know what’s wrong! This doesn’t usually happen, I swear!”
Long story short, I got angry and decided to kick him out. As I closed the door on him, I saw his expression. It looked like the face of a hurt puppy, and while I felt bad, I was still upset about the possibility of him finding me unattractive. So, out he went.
We never spoke again, but I told my friends what happened. Horrified, they explained to me that it can happen for a variety of different reasons — and that it literally can happen to guys of any type. I felt so bad about that, I still tend to get pangs of chagrin over my behavior.
These days, I’m way more willing to give guys a benefit of a doubt. Ladies, if your guy can’t get it up, don’t hate him immediately. Remember, it could be any of these things that causes him to feel a little limp...
1. He could have a hormonal issue.
Though this is rare in younger guys, the truth is that hormonal disturbances of every type can cause a man to be unable to hold an erection. Low testosterone, in particular, tends to be the a major culprit among guys who have trouble maintaining hardness down there.
2. Fatigue is another issue.
Believe it or not, having an erection does take effort at times. If your man had a 12-hour shift at work and then had to do a ton of chores, you shouldn’t be shocked if he’s not able to perform. Fatigue is a thing that can make it hard for guys.
3. Maybe he drank too much.
The term “whiskey d***” is often used to explain the way guys lose sensitivity down there when they drink too much. Getting drunk, incidentally, also can make a man unable to get the blood flow he needs in order to be erect.
4. Other (legal) substances can cause erectile dysfunction.
Certain types of medication have become known for causing men to lose their ability to get aroused. This can be due to hormonal side effects, or due to side effects that affect blood pressure. Either way, you might want to check your medicine cabinet to see if anything’s up.
5. Of course, illegal drugs can have that side effect too.
If regular medicines are likely to cause erectile dysfunction, then you can bet your bottom dollar that street drugs have the propensity to do the same. Drugs like heroin and coke tend to inhibit erections when taken shortly before sex. Some drugs, like methamphetamine, are known for causing men to lose their ability to get an erection permanently with long-term use.
6. When guys get performance anxiety, they will have serious problems.
Believe it or not, the vast majority of erectile dysfunction cases are mental. One of the most common reasons that guys can’t perform is because they’re nervous. If you think that he might just be nervous and worried he can’t please you, try to get him relaxed. Chances are he’ll get into it.
7. Relationship problems have gotten him down.
Did you have an argument recently? Have you been just dealing with your own stuff, or making it hard for him to feel a connection? Many men tend to have a hard time performing in bed with a woman that they have felt hurt by. It may take a while for him if your relationship problems took a toll on him recently.
8. General stress issues can be a romance-killer.
Have you ever had a moment where you just couldn’t get in the mood due to something that happened at work? Maybe it was just a crummy day, or you just felt really worried about something that you heard on the news. Either way, if you’ve ever had that moment, you can understand why stress can cause a guy to be a little uninterested in sex.
9. Though this probably isn’t it, he might not be attracted to you.
If a guy regularly struggles with trying to get an erection with you but doesn’t have a medical reason for it, there’s a good chance it’s due to him just not being into you.
10. It could also be a porn addiction.
Though rare, it is possible for someone to actually get addicted to porn to the point that regular sex no longer interests them. Studies have shown that porn addicts slowly end up being unable to experience arousal as their addiction gets worse.
11. He’s just not having enough sex.
With a lot of people, sex is a “use it or lose it” type of deal. In fact, studies have even shown that people who have sex less than once a week have a higher chance of having difficulty getting an erection. If you’ve had a dry spell, don’t panic. Just keep your love life hot and he’ll be back to normal soon enough.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a Jack-of-all-trades writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey. When she's not writing, she's drinking red wine and chilling with some cool cats. You can follow her @bluntandwitty on Twitter.