Husbands Who Have The Happiest Spouses Always Do These 7 Things Right
These are the little things that keep marriages strong and healthy.
stockfour | Canva Marriage is talked about as though it’s a marathon. Marriage is hard; it's a lot of work; it’s about discipline! You almost expect someone to say it's about staying hydrated! But happy couples will tell you that good marriages are built of small things husbands do to help keep their spouses happy — and that it's totally worth it.
That’s why we spoke to a variety of husbands about the small things they do to keep their marriages strong and healthy and fun. Because marriage is fun when you stay connected, like these husbands do.
Seven things husbands who have the happiest spouses always do right
1. They prioritize date nights
For couples with kids, it’s really hard to find time to get away. But it’s seriously important to take the focus off the children and put the focus on each other, as discussed in Family Transitions.
Damon Nailer says he and his wife go to a movie every single weekend — no matter what’s in theaters. “We constantly go out on dates. On dates, we get to spend undivided, quality time with each other — away from the kids.” Even when they don’t have time to get away for hours at a time, they try to go get coffee alone. A bit of time without the kids where they can feel like adults is the real priority for them.
2. They remember the little things their spouse mentions
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“We have an Asian supermarket nearby, and there’s a particular kind of candy she likes,” says John Ordover, who has been married for more than 20 years and lives in Brooklyn with his special needs child and his wife. “When I go there, I always snag her some.”
But for John, it’s about the big and the small things. “Once, when she was on bed rest during her pregnancy, for her birthday, I brought some violinists into the house, which was quite a surprise for her.”
3. They revisit places they loved from when they were dating
Shlomo Slatkin, a certified Imago relationship therapist from Baltimore, and his wife operate a marriage advice program, so they know a lot about keeping long-term relationships alive. He says that he likes to plan trips to old haunts, as they remind him and his wife about the early days of their relationship.
“Revisiting a physical place where we have fond memories is another way to return to the time when we once felt the spark in our relationship,” he says. “By returning to that place and remembering those positive experiences, we can relive in our mind and heart what happened.”
4. They learn their spouse's love language
“I realized a long time ago that I have control in making my wife happy, once I learned what makes her happy,” says Harrison Rogers, a father of four. He and his wife took a love language test together and found that his language is verbal while hers is actions. A study published in the Psi Chi Journal of Psychological Research proved that people who make an effort to feed their partner's love language have happier partners.
“This,” he says, “taught me that my wife is way more impressed with me taking the time to finish building storage sheds she’s been asking for, than my successful business ventures. In turn, she would verbally express her gratitude for me more often.”
5. They commit to surprise romantic gestures
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“I take her places we’ve never been, and she doesn’t know when or where we’re going,” says Bill Fuller, a father of two. When he plans these surprise trips, he also takes care of all of the logistics of the date: the babysitters, the reservations, and the planning.
If he and his are at a venue for a band they both planned to see, sometimes he’ll talk to someone in the band and ask them to play a song or two she likes. “It’s thoughtful and the surprises can be big or small, as long as they’re surprises.”
6. They court their spouse once a month
“I think the basic thing that a husband should not forget is to court his partner at least once a month,” says Ulysis Calabrian, who has been married for 14 years.
“It’ll take her back in time when you when the relationship was still new. I use Post-It notes and quickly write a love note and stick it on her car’s dashboard or in the refrigerator. That message will be the first words that will stick to her brain that day.”
7. They compliment her, genuinely, a lot
“It sounds a bit trite,” says Mark Wildes, who has been with his wife for more than 20 years, “but telling your wife how great she looks and expressing gratitude for even small things goes a long way.
My wife goes out of her way for the kids and me all the time, so I show my gratitude verbally and physically, maybe with small gifts here and there, as explored in Scientific Reports. I think it makes her feel appreciated.”
Lizzy Francis is the News Editor at Fatherly, where she edits news and reports on the public policy that affects the day-to-day lives of working parents.