4 Ways To Change Your Dating Mindset & Find True Love In Your 30s
You’re never too old to find your soulmate.
Pexels If you've been asking yourself, "Why am I single at 30?" you're not alone. With the pressures of marriage, children, and a biological clock, dating in your thirties can be ridden with anxiety, especially if you're living with a lot of limiting beliefs about love and relationships.
But, if you can change your mindset, gain more confidence, and learn how to reinvent yourself a little, finding your soulmate at 30 may not seem so daunting.
When I was 28 and still single, a guy friend told me something along the lines of this:
"It’s fine to be single now but if you’re still single by 30, you’re in trouble. At the time, I didn't sweat it. I was in a relationship and I thought it was going to last. But when I found myself single again at 31, those words rang as loud as my biological clock. I constantly felt that my love life depended on luck, on timing, on circumstance — all the things that were out of my control."
Many singles in their 30's feel like they’re not in control of their own love lives. And it leaves them waiting and wondering how to start dating and how to find love. If a decent guy doesn't come around, they start to think:
- "Maybe it’ll never happen for me."
- "Do I really want a man anyway?"
- "If it happens, it happens. I don’t need a man."
The thoughts above are the symptoms of a poor dating mindset and it can totally happen to you. However, you can take back control of your love life, reinvent yourself, and finally find your soulmate.
Here are 4 dating habits you need to adopt in order to land a quality date, find your life partner, and build a healthy relationship.
1. Set the intention
Don’t go into finding your "soulmate" half-heartedly. If you just decide you’re ready a real relationship, your actions should follow. A woman who is really ready for love will do everything it takes. She'll go on dates, make an effort to meet people, read dating books, take dating courses, get relationship coaching, or even start journaling.
In contrast, a woman who goes in, half-heartedly, will "see what happens". When they’ve had a bad date, they revert back to "enjoying" the single life.
Don’t get me wrong, there are people who are happily single. But those people are different from those who say they’re happy being single when deep down, they want much more.
So, my dating advice for you is to go all in, 100 percent. You don’t always decide who comes into your life but you decide who stays.
How many times have you stayed a little too long in a relationship that wasn't right? It’s easy to meet Mr.Right Now. These relationships are alright, they’re cruise-y but they don’t eventuate into anything long term.
It isn't a problem if you have time to spare but if you want to take back your love life, you need to recognize the relationships that have the potential to go the distance.
2. Change your mindset
When things aren't going the way you expect, and on the timeline you expect, it’s easy to think that true love won’t happen for you. So. Not. True.
If this is the way you’re thinking, you need a change in mindset and stop those limiting beliefs from keeping you single. Those with a healthy dating mindset will know that a mediocre date doesn't equal failure. They see it as another stepping stone.
3. Stop telling the same stories
If you're not finding what you want in love and life, look at the stories you’re telling yourself. Maybe you don’t think you’re ready to meet someone because you’re feeling five pounds heavier. Perhaps it’s because you think there are no good men left in their 30s'.
Those are the stories you tell yourself and not the truth. Once you know what your stories are, you can dissolve them.
4. Understand your roadblocks
If you find yourself in the same dating patterns (and not happy about it), there’s something you can do to break them. You just need to know what they are.
Some people attract the same partner because it’s what they think they want...but not what they need. Some people get into unhealthy relationships because that’s what they recognize as love.
There are so many things you can do to take back the control of your love life. You just need to decide you’re ready to do it, and that it can happen for you.
Iona Yeung is a dating and relationship coach for single women who need a little guidance to attract the love they deeply crave. Want to learn more? Check out her Mindset Makeover course.