Being Asexual Or Aromantic Doesn't Mean You're Broken
To the "ace" who feels broken.
“Being ace doesn’t mean you’re broken.”
I’ve heard that before — many times. However, every time I’ve heard it, I struggled to feel that something wasn’t wrong with me. In the LGBTQIA+ community, the “A” stands for asexual and aromantic and is often ignored, forgotten or has its meaning replaced with “ally.”
It’s difficult for many people to imagine that there are people in the world without sexual or romantic attractions to others. We are sold on the belief that everyone has a “soul mate” strictly in the romantic sense. We are led to believe that true romantic love will conquer anything. According to the media, finding “the one” should be our primary goal and focus.
But that doesn’t have to be the case.
In my last relationship, my ex often complained about my lack of affection. He didn’t like that I was only affectionate on rare occasions and often seemed to like companionship more than romance.
He claimed that something was wrong with me because I didn’t have a desire to be intimate or affectionate with him on a regular basis. Gradually, I started to believe everything he’d said.
I tried to overcompensate with grandiose gestures of affection that I didn’t genuinely feel at the time. Of course, over time, that only made the situation worse.
After our relationship dissolved, I sought help for the things that I was feeling and couldn't feel. One of my friends suggested that I might be on the aromantic spectrum. With her help, I was able to identify a lot of things and come to understand things that I didn’t previously consider.
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Feelings, emotions, and are all on a spectrum, and no one person is going to have the same ways of expressing emotions, or the same emotions as anyone else.
You are free to be you.
Therefore, if you prefer platonic friendships over anything else, that’s perfectly fine. Strong friendships are just as important to the development of people as any romantic relationship. We need friendships and perspectives from friends as we move through our lives.
It took me a while to understand that, and I’m still learning every day. It is a difficult journey, and it requires a lot of support. There will be times when you may feel “broken” or “not right.” It isn’t true. Your emotions and how you show them are just as valued and valid as anyone else’s.
If you can, surround yourself with people who will help you navigate your self-discoveries. Remove any toxic people who will attempt to invalidate you and your feelings. It will be difficult, but it will be worth it.
Love,
Someone Who's Where You Are