If You Want To Find Your Soulmate, You Must Overcome These 4 Common Fears
Everything you want is on the other side of fear.
northlightimages | Canva Overcoming fears can be challenging, no matter how much relationship advice you've read about dating and finding true love. Many single women who do want lasting relationships or marriage are secretly afraid of taking that big step and truly falling in love.
That's why one of the most important things you can do before you commit or get married is learn how to face your deepest fears about what happens to long-term couples over the years. Most people want to share their lives with someone, yet many people have a very hard time finding and creating a loving connected relationship.
If you want to find your soulmate, you must overcome these 4 common fears:
1. Fear of losing yourself in the relationship
As much as you might want a relationship, if the fear of losing yourself while in a relationship is greater than your desire for a relationship, this fear will win over and over.
Do you believe that you have to give yourself up to be loved by another? Do you believe that you are not good enough the way you are so you have to be overly nice and compliant for someone to love you? Is this what you've done in your relationships? Giving yourself up is a prescription for never finding your beloved.
2. Fear of rejection
Have you been hurt in relationships? Most of us have. Fear of rejection is something that is programmed into us on an evolutionary level to avoid, the American Psychological Association tells us. But is avoiding the pain of rejection more important to you than being in a loving, connected relationship?
Relationships can be painful, so until you learn how to manage the possible heartbreak, you might be pushing away the love of your life. Learning how to lovingly manage the loneliness, heartbreak, and helplessness of important relationships is vital to attracting your future life partner.
3. Fear of making a mistake
Are you too cautious because you are terrified of making a mistake — or making another mistake? While we all need to be willing to make mistakes to move forward, there are ways of knowing early in a relationship whether this is the right person for you.
4. Fear of self-abandonment
When you abandon yourself rather than love yourself, you become invisible to others. Others tend to treat us the way we treat ourselves. If you ignore your feelings, judge yourself, turn to various addictions to numb your feelings, and make others responsible for your feelings, you unconsciously push others away and make yourself invisible.
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When you make others responsible for your worth and sense of safety, it's very easy to become "addicted" to the feeling of someone giving you the love you have not been giving to yourself. This generally taps into the other person's fear of engulfment and they eventually pull away.
Since we attract at our common level of wounded-ness or our common level of health, research tells us, that becoming a healthy partner is essential for attracting a healthy partner. Attracting a loving partner is knowing how to tell, early in a relationship, whether or not someone is who they appear to be. There are many ways of knowing early on whether or not someone is an appropriate partner for you.
Dr. Margaret Paul is a relationship expert, noted public speaker, and educator.