I'm A Plus-Size Escort And Here's 8 Things You Should Know About Me
"I was described on Twitter as a 'luxury car — built for comfort, not speed.'"
courtesy of the author Women are constantly told that if they want to be desirable to men, they need to be thin. Western culture holds up thinness as one of the ultimate beauty standards, and from a young age, we’re pressured to conform.
So what does the success of plus size women who are escorts such as myself tell us about sexuality and size, and about men’s secret (and not so secret) desires?
I’ve been working as an independent escort in London for about a year and a half. When I first entered the industry, I was the largest I’ve ever been. My body confidence was pretty good, thanks to generous lovers, supportive friends, and online body positivity.
But still, I was concerned I’d struggle, the constant scrutiny from all angles about every curve would be too much for me, and I’d go into a self-hating spiral. But if anything, the opposite is true.
While it definitely hasn’t always been an easy journey, being forced to think about my body in a new way has been a valuable and positive experience, and has given me new insights into the relationship I have to myself and others.
Being a plus size escort, here are a few things you should know about what it's like to be in the industry.
1. Men come up with the weirdest metaphors for plus size bodies.
Seriously. I recently was described on Twitter as a "luxury car — built for comfort, not speed," which frankly, is a pretty spot-on description of me.
2. Buying sexy lingerie is frustrating.
You might suddenly be able to afford all that fancy lingerie you dreamed about, but the lack of sizes will annoy you. As a teen, I dreamed of lace and silks and gorgeous lingerie, but now that I have a legitimate reason for buying it.
But there are very few brands who stock my size. Plus size-friendly lingerie is hard to come by, but it makes me appreciate brands who do create inclusive size ranges even more. Mainstream brands, wake up and take my money!
3. Other escorts make you feel bad about your body.
Casual fatphobia is sadly rife in the escort industry. From jokes about "feeling fat" to more explicit shaming and exclusion of larger workers, there’s a lot of people who will make you feel like you don’t belong in this community.
While it is perhaps expected from men, when it comes from your colleagues who are meant to be supportive, it feels particularly painful. Creating spaces for plus size escorts to talk about this is really important.
4. Other escorts also steal your language to describe themselves.
Plus size escorts use a whole range of terms to describe themselves — curvy, BBW, thick, voluptuous. We’ve developed a new language to talk about bodies, and that’s pretty cool. However, these words are increasingly being used by thin escorts, hoping to cash in on the recent interest in "body positivity."
There’s nothing more depressing than seeing a size 10 woman describe herself as curvy, while simultaneously complaining about how "fat" she feels after eating a burger. Even worse is anyone using the term "slimthick," which may be the worst word ever applied to the female form.
Designed to describe a woman who is slim and toned, but with large boobs and a big butt, it manages to appropriate words used by larger workers while also distancing oneself from "bad" plus size figures — namely anyone who doesn’t fit the traditional hourglass proportions. It’s gross and offensive, and makes it harder for those of us who are actually curvy to advertise ourselves well.
5. Clients get fat-shamed too.
The amount of times I’ve seen other escorts using "fat" as a synonym for "bad" when describing a client is too many to count. It’s depressing and incredibly offensive to both larger clients and plus size escorts. Bad clients are those who waste our time, who are rude and push our boundaries — not fat clients!
I aim to provide a body positive and inclusive service, and it breaks my heart when I see others mocking clients’ bodies.
6. But the good ones will make you feel like an Amazonian goddess.
Women are repeatedly told men will not find us attractive unless we lose weight, but the success of me and my plus size colleagues demonstrates this just isn’t true. Plus size bodies are still coded as unattractive in most sections of society, so meeting men who want to spend time with me because of my shape can feel extremely uplifting!
7. You’ll get called "fat" a lot if you reject men.
"Hey bb you avail?"
"So sorry, I’m not working today."
"Who’d want to have sex with you anyway, you’re fat!”
This is an all too common interaction as a plus size escort. The idea that we’re not constantly available to see clients seems to shock some of them, so they’re forced to remind us that they didn’t really even want to have sex, anyway.
The irony of calling a woman who specifically advertises as a BBW escort "fat" never seems to hit them...
8. You get to know your body — and that’s something worth its weight in gold.
Working as an independent escort means I have to think about my body almost constantly — whether posing for a photoshoot, seeing a client, or snapping a selfie for Twitter, I’m constantly aware of what shape I’m creating and how my body moves. Your body is a big part of your business, and you can’t avoid what you look like.
However, this has been a really positive process for me. I believe that, as a plus size woman, the only way you’ll truly feel comfortable with your body is to know what it looks like, from every angle, not just your "best" ones. Being forced to think about my body in this way has been a really positive experience for me.
All photos: Amelia Swann
The sex industry may not be perfect, and there is definitely a lot of fatphobia and body-shaming, but overall, the experience has given me a new outlook on my body for which I’m very grateful!
Amelia Swann is in an independent escort and kink professional, based in London. She writes on bodies, sexualities and BDSM, and is a keen advocate for body positivity and radical self love. Follow her on Twitter or visit her website.