How Sexting Impacts Your Relationship & Improves Intimacy, According To Research
This is good news for men and women.
LTim / Shutterstock You may never have thought sexting could be seriously beneficial to increasing intimacy in romantic relationships, but scientific research has shown that sending sexy text messages to your partner leads to greater sexual satisfaction overall.
It turns out that texting sexy sweet nothings is likely to fulfill the needs required for sexual arousal in many females, which means more pleasure for men and women.
For the record, sexting is defined as “sending, receiving, or forwarding sexually explicit messages, images, or photos through electronic means.”
Now, I know you may be thinking something along the lines of, “Only teenagers sext,” or, “Isn’t sexting bad?”
This is because until recently, research in this area focused on the potential dangers for teenagers who participate in sexting. Conversations at coffee shops, in mothers’ groups, and in schools focused on whether sext increases young people's vulnerability to online sexual harassment.
As a teacher myself, this has become part of the duty of care set by schools. The awkward conversations I’ve had with students, such as, “Do not send photos to boys,” or, “SnapChats can indeed be screenshots," often fell on deaf ears, and this did initially curve my own opinion about sexting.
However, after learning more about sexting between adults, I’ve come to realize it can be an erotic sexual activity that leads to increased arousal, greater pleasure, and enhanced feelings of intimacy between couples, and can therefore be considered a positive contributor to sexual health overall — especially for women!
All healthy sexual relationships include honest communication between partners about each other's sexual needs, fantasies, and means of arousal.
Such communication forms a common dialogue between partners, a language of ecstasy, which provides a way to recall previous bedroom rendezvous and ignite new fantasies.
This is why talking to your partner is such an important part of foreplay, and one of the communication methods that most quickly leads to heightened arousal is sexting.
In fact, one study conducted by a team of researchers at Drexel University who surveyed 870 heterosexual American adults found that "87.8% of participants admitted to sexting at some point in their lifetime, and 82.2% had done it within the last year."
There are three main types of arousal: cognitive or mental arousal, affective or emotional arousal, and physical arousal, i.e., the body’s response to stimulation.
Studies specifically looking at the effects of sexting on arousal processes show a greater level of relationship satisfaction, as well as a significant connection to positive feelings about relationship commitment levels, among couples who sext.
When the data is considered together, it reveals that sexting isn't only an effective way for women to become aroused, but that it increases overall relationship and sexual satisfaction.
As noted in the Chicago Tribune: "'To the best of our knowledge, this is the first study that deals with satisfaction — sexual and relationship — as an outcome of sexting,' says Emily Stasko, a doctoral student in psychology who did the research with Drexel associate professor of psychology Pamela Geller. 'We found sexting can have a role in a happy, healthy, sexually satisfying relationship.'"
Research has also found that exposure to words or images can increase fantasies, which positively contribute to arousal.
Remember that sexting isn’t just about sending raunchy nudes. It’s also an opportunity to express the inner sexual fiction that runs through our minds to our partners.
Fantasy is vital, as it enables people to indulge and explore with their sense of imagination, which in turn enables their relationships to become more erotically charged.
If the thought of sharing sexy fantasies isn’t enough to excite you, try letting these numbers push you over the edge: Women who read and exchange erotica with their partners have 74% more sex than their counterparts who do not participate in sexting!
And not only this, but they have more satisfying sex after sexting.
Sexting provides an outlet for the expression of sexual desires, which arouses our minds and lubricates our bodies... all at the same time. So, if your foreplay game has been a bit lackluster, it's time to get your sext on.
As author Michael Faudet writes, “The kind of love letters I write are the ones you read in bed, under the sheets with one hand between your legs.”
Let sexting be your foreplay, your language of lust, and your subtle sensuous expression of your fantasies. And once you and your partner are together in the same space, you can enjoy bringing those fantasies to life.
If you’re ready to put the science behind sexting into practice, try out these easy and erotic tips:
- Use words you both find a turn-on. If your partner refers to their private parts by a particular name, use it.
- Avoid using awkward words like "moist"... No one likes reading that.
- Use your imagination to explore your desires, but keep them realistic to a certain extent. Remember that each of you only has two hands. They can’t be everywhere at all times.
- Set some rules around what you feel comfortable covering in fantasies. In other words, have boundaries. For some people, dirty talk is a major turn-on, while it only makes others cringe.
Sext as much as you both want. Remember, it leads to 74% more — and better! — sex. Most important of all, have fun!
Slutty Girl Problems aims to give you a daily stream of funny yet thought-provoking posts about sex, dating, relationships, feminism, and many more topics.