How To Speak A Man's Physical Touch Love Language, According To 21 Men
Touch his body in ways that go straight to his heart.
Getty It's one thing to identify which of the five love languages comes most naturally to both you and the person you love, but understanding how to speak someone else's language when it doesn't match your own can be tough.
For example, if the man in your life takes a love language test and learns his primary language is physical touch, does that mean he wants to spend all of your time together in bed? Are there other ways to touch him that offer just as meaningful a show of affection?
What does it mean when physical touch is a man's love language?
If you haven't heard of the 5 love languages, now is the time to get familiar with the concept. It's an excellent way to better understand the specific ways in which you and your partner instinctively prefer to both give and receive love.
In 1995, Dr. Gary Chapman wrote the self-help and couple's counseling classic book, "The 5 Love Languages: How To Express Your Commitment To Your Mate," which explains five distinct ways ("languages") through which we all express and experience love.
According to Chapman, we each primarily do this in one of 5 distinct ways:
- Physical touch
- Words of affirmation
- Receiving gifts
- Quality time
- Acts of service
For many people, including for yours truly, identifying your love language comes with some major revelations about the way we let our partners know how much we care for them, so if you're concerned that you don't make your man feel as loved as he really is, assessing his love language might be the answer.
It can feel impossible to communicate with someone when they speak a different language, so learning the language of love your partner uses is a logical next step in cementing the foundation of a relationship that's built to last.
When you know which love languages you and your partner speak, it can make communicating with each other much easier.
When you figure out someone's preferred love language and speaking to them accordingly, you make them feel more valued, cherished, adored, and appreciated than ever before. You can also recognize ways in which they've been trying to show you just how much they care that you couldn't recognize before.
Of course, even what you know which language your boyfriend, partner, or husband speaks, if your love language is different, you may not fully understand how to interpret and speak his.
That's likely why one redditor turned to Ask Men on Reddit with the following question: "What kind of non-sexual touch do you love receiving from your SO? For example, hand holding, hugs from behind, a hand on the shoulder, etc. What touch makes it feel tingly and like a good kind of electricity is going through your body? What touch makes you feel closer to your SO? What touch tells you your SO loves you?"
If you know that your partner's primary love language is physical touch but you're confused about how to communicate this way, the answers men offered may be just what you've been needing.
Here are 21 ways men with physical touch as the first of their five love languages say they adore being touched.
You don't need to follow these to the letter, of course, but they'll definitely give you a good sense of where to start when it comes to expressing love to your man.
1. Letting him be the little spoon sometimes.
"I've been married for 20 years. 95% of the time I spoon her when we go to sleep. But occasionally I'll roll over, and for a small moment in time, she'll roll over and spoon me. It's one of the most comforting and loving things that I get to feel from my wife."
2. Having his back — literally.
"Back tickles, I lay on my stomach with my shirt off and she runs her fingers over my back very lightly. I get goosebumps every single time. After about ten minutes I get sleepy and I then sleep like a baby. Usually right as I'm drifting off I'll feel the blanket being slid over me and her climbing in bed next to me. If I ever become single again I would legit hire someone just to tickle my back."
3. Scratching his head.
"Scalp scratches. I turn into a puddle when my SO does that, it feels fantastic."
4. Cuddling in his lap.
"Show me a girl who can bury her head in my shoulder or chest while caressing my torso with her free hand while I'm lying on my back and I'll show you a girl I'll love to pieces."
5. Getting your kitty cat on.
"I'm a touchy-feely person, so any sort of affectionate touch is welcome and makes me feel loved, really. My favorites though are certainly close hugs, kisses, full-body cuddling, and when she rubs her face all over mine like a cat."
6. Playing with his hair.
"Having my hair played with. I love laying in bed and having my (now ex) just run her fingers through my hair and play with it."
7. Clutching tightly to him as your protector.
"Whenever she was startled, weirded out or anything like that and clutched at me. That made me feel so needed."
8. Did we mention hugging?
"Hugs. I love hugs. I'm practically a hug fiend. Hugs, hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs. Hugs!!!"
9. Running your fingers through his hair.
"When you’re kissing and they either grab the back of your head or rub their fingers through your hair. Gives me the best sensation in my heart."
10. Resting your head where his heart is.
"For some reason it makes me coo whenever a woman places her head against my chest. It makes me feel so close to her."
11. Working his aching muscles over.
"Massages, I have a pretty jacked back so I think she just likes gripping it, but it feels super nice esp post workout."
12. Clinging to him — in the good way.
"My girlfriend always clings onto my arm as we sleep. Whether we’re spooning or she’s laying on top of me, she always does it. It really makes me feel wanted and needed. Sometimes she gets startled easily, and she’s smaller and I’m bigger, so that makes it all the better."
13. Rubbing his ears.
"Having my ears rubbed. I have no idea why it feels so good, but it does."
14. Running your nails down his neck.
"Hands on the back of my neck, her hard nails scraping gently across it, then down my back. I melt."
15. Cleaning his button.
"She picks my belly button lint. It's like a game for her, always a surprise."
16. Maintaining physical contact.
"Whenever we are eating, whether out to eat or at home beside each other, she puts her hand on my leg and keeps is there except when she needs to use two hands."
17. Grabbing hold of his hand.
"Biggest one was one time out of nowhere my ex suddenly grabbed my hand just to hold while we were walking. First time ever she did that. It took me a moment to register, but I loved that feeling."
18. Creating sweet private rituals.
"I'm a pretty skinny guy, so my hip bones stick out a little bit. I used to have a girlfriend who would touch my hips this special way when we were alone. It was like she was trying to push them back in. The first time, it was a joke, but after a while, it just became a habit for her. It was part of our ritual of intimacy."
19. Sending his shivers down his spine.
"When she rubs her fingers over the back of my neck it just sends shivers down my spine."
20. Staying connected.
"When we're in bed, I'll sleep on my back and she'll snuggle up to me and put her arm across my chest."
21. Giving him actual goosebumps.
"Most anything that triggers goosebumps. Lightly running fingers over most any part of my body. Kiss to the back of the neck. Even when she falls asleep and is breathing on my neck."
Rebecca Jane Stokes is a writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.