Why It's So Incredibly Important To Heal Your 'Inner Child'
Think of your childhood experiences like a blueprint for your future.
getty Your past influences your present. Becoming conscious of the effects it has on your life will dismantle whatever cycles of dysfunction you may experience.
The problem is that most people are unaware that they are living from the doctrine of childhood wounds. With that unawareness, it is nearly impossible to see how our behaviors are a direct reflection of those wounds.
So, why heal the inner child? Because the inner child is running the show and when you parent, you will unknowingly react to your children from that place. But it’s not just parenting. Every interaction you have is always influenced by the needs or the wounds of your inner child.
Your childhood has created your worldview.
Or in Neuro-Linguistic Programming, it’s called your "blueprint of reality". As a child, you were shaped by your experiences which create this blueprint. Much like the contractor, who builds off the engineer and architects blueprint, our lives will forever more continue to resemble our early experiences.
How we behave as an adult upon close inspection will show many similarities to our behaviors as a child. That is, unless we make a conscious choice to make changes.
Otherwise, what was, will always be, only to be passed on to our children.
Imagine that the architect only made one blueprint and the completed project had flaws. Instead of correcting the errors, every company the architect worked with got the same blueprint. Building on the flaws and not staying current with the local codes, is a recipe for disaster.
Why heal the inner child? Because our lives (and future happiness) depend on it.
How you were raised, is the determining factor in how you live out your life and how well-adjusted you are. That is not a statement to push blame onto your own parents. It is to accept responsibility for your life now so you can be free of the burdens and live authentically.
The difference is, they didn’t know better — heck, most people don’t. So it will do you no good to blame anyone for things they did from their own blueprint.
How do you know when you’re acting from your inner child? Think about something that hurts your heart. Maybe you hate being involved in sports because when it comes time to picking teams, you’re afraid you’ll be picked last just like in school.
Perhaps you get the heebie-jeebies when someone says "We need to talk" because that is what your dad said to you when you were in trouble.
Could it be with your child when they are throwing a fit and you feel like you are being controlled just like when you were a kid?
In each of these cases, you revert back to the inner child part of you and react from that place. Can you see how that could be unhealthy?
You can use a quick exercise to heal your inner child.
Healing the inner child is a common practice in hypnotherapy. When we heal the inner child and show them the love and compassion they have been yearning for, they will settle. If you’ve never heard of this before, it may sound nuts but it’s far from it. We think that change has to be some excruciating teeth pulling event. It doesn’t.
In order to live life fully and from our adult selves, the inner child must be tended to and to do that you must get quiet. Find a space alone free of distractions and begin with a gentle smile — then close your eyes.
Bring your attention to your breathing, taking long deep belly breaths in and out and as your body relaxes, so will your mind.
Now, think about the little you. Look at them, hold their hand, and ask them what they need. They (you) know. Hug them, tell them what they needed to be told as a child, give them an abundance of love, compassion, and understanding. Listen to their woes. Let them be heard. If something comes up that is uncomfortable, that’s ok.
Love that child. Talk to them from your adult self and using your experiences, comfort them with positive meaning for their pain. Help them see things from a new perspective.
When your inner child is soothed, you can say good-bye for now. Feel free to return here anytime.
This simple little exercise is so incredibly powerful it can change everything!
Suzanne Jones owns a one person adoption coaching firm and works with adoptive parents. To learn more about how to raise a Healthy, Happy, Whole Adoptive Family, connect with her for an exploratory call. You can also check out her free E-book, Debunking the Adoption Myth: Yes You Really Can Create A Real Family When You Adopt - But You Gotta Do Your Work First.