6 Hugely Effective Ways To Keep Love Alive, Whether You've Been Together 1 Day Or 100 Years
Love, respect, romance, and all of the good stuff.
Toa Heftiba | Unsplash Knowing the right relationship advice to maintain the love between you and your partner is crucial for a healthy relationship that lasts. Couples in unhealthy relationships don't always realize how they treat their partner until it's too late. Every do in a relationship has a don’t to go with it. Knowing the difference between a do and a don't is vital to a healthy relationship full of love, romance, respect, and all of the good stuff!
Here are 6 tiny do's and don'ts you need to make love last in a healthy relationship.
1. Do: Express your feelings
Expressing your feelings in a relationship is very important. Many people say, "I don’t have to tell them I love him. they know." Yes, they might know. But it doesn’t mean you can’t tell them.
If you are angry, sad, or lonely because of something your partner did, tell them about it. They need to know how they made you feel so they can learn what you need from them, and you need to express your feelings so they don’t get trapped in your body. Feelings trapped in your body become toxic.
Don’t: Be passive-aggressive
You must express your feelings, but it is critical not to be passive-aggressive in how you express yourself. Passive-aggressiveness is a tendency to engage in any indirect expression of hostility through subtle insults, sullen behavior, stubbornness, or a deliberate failure to accomplish required tasks. If your partner did something to upset you, it’s not okay to give him the silent treatment, sulk, do to them what they did to you, or act in any way that isn’t direct about how you are thinking.
If your spouse always gets home late from work, tell them how upset you are. Don’t ignore your spouse when they get home before telling them you don’t want them home anyway, and they might as well stay at work forever. This will only make matters worse and will never get them to come home at night for dinner.
2. Do: Be understanding
People are human. And sometimes, they make mistakes. When they do, it’s okay. They are human. If your spouse promised you they would put up the curtain rods on a rainy Saturday afternoon, and by the end of the day, it didn’t happen, you can be upset. But you must talk to them about it and understand why it didn’t happen. Perhaps they chose to watch football with your son instead, or maybe they honestly forgot. Either way, they are only human. Express your disappointment the job wasn’t done, but forgive them and try again on Sunday.
Don’t: Take things personally.
If your spouse promised to put up the curtain rods and didn’t, don’t take it personally. Don’t think, "If they loved me, they would have put up the curtain rods. That isn’t true. They didn’t put up the curtain rods for numerous reasons, but none were because they didn’t love you.
3. Do: Be honest
An essential part of being in a healthy relationship is honesty. A healthy relationship cannot exist if partners aren’t honest. If something has happened or you are feeling some way, you must let your partner know so you can process it together. Sharing everything is a big part of maintaining a healthy, intimate relationship.
Don’t: Keep secrets
Keeping secrets will kill a relationship. Period. Even those little pesky secrets you keep to protect those you love are insidious and destructive. These secrets will only cause trouble. Don’t keep secrets. They always get out, and when they do, the harm they cause is often worse than the secret itself.
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4. Do: Maintain a healthy sex life
A healthy sex life is an essential part of every relationship. If the only person in the world you are having sex with is your partner, it should be treated as a sacred act. Make sex a regular and enjoyable part of your relationship.
Don’t: Pretend the sex is okay when it isn’t
If the sex you are having with your partner isn’t OK, let your partner know. I can guarantee you your partner would rather know the truth and be able to do what they can to make the sex more enjoyable than to find out you have just been pretending all along. Once again, be honest!
5. Do: Appreciate each other
You have a partner who you have chosen for a variety of reasons. They are handsome, smart, kind, practical, or handy. For whatever reason, you chose them to be yours. Now they are yours, you must appreciate everything you have. If your person fixes your cabinets without being asked, helps your neighbor solve a tax problem, or looks just so in their new sweater, tell them! You know how good it feels when they tell you.
Don’t: Take each other for granted
Unfortunately, once we settle down into a long-term relationship, we take each other for granted. The things we fell in love with become things we assume will always be there, no matter what we do. When I was married, I assumed my husband would always be there, no matter how I treated him, which wasn’t always very well. And guess what? He left me! So don’t take your person for granted. If you love them, make them feel that way every day.
6. Do: Laugh with each other
Laughing is an essential part of every healthy relationship. Remember when you first fell in love, the hours you spent together, sharing and laughing. Didn’t it feel good? It is so vital the laughter continues. Make sure you spend time together doing what you love, enjoying each other’s company, and laughing.
Don’t: Laugh at each other
When a couple has been together for a long time, they aren’t always kind to each other. The things that bug us about our partners often are revealed in unkind ways. Do you laugh at your partner because they let people take advantage of them? Or, sarcastically commenting on how well their shirt and tie match? Do you talk to your friends about the stupid things they do?
If you do any of these things, stop. If you have issues with your spouse or they do something to bother you, tell them, don’t laugh at them. Because that kind of laughter isn’t funny. A healthy relationship is amazing, but it is also hard work. It is crucial to follow these healthy relationship dos and don’ts to keep going strong.
You must be honest with your partner in a kind way so you don’t take things personally and not keep secrets. It is also vital to have a sex life that pleases you both, you love and appreciate each and laughter is a priority. If you are reading this, you most likely already have a healthy relationship you want to keep healthy. You can do it! Start today!
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate who works exclusively with women to help them be all they want to be. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in The Good Men Project, MSN, PopSugar, Prevention, Huffington Post, and Psych Central, among many others.