8 Signs You're Dealing With An Emotionally Unhinged Man, According To Psychology
Among other bad behaviors, an emotionally unhinged man will make you a resurrection of his ex.
Anze Furlan | Shutterstock Once upon a time, I dated a normal guy, then he became emotionally unhinged. Everything seemed fine until he showed me a photo of the ex-fiancée, who he occasionally brought up in conversation. It got me thinking, "He still loves his ex, doesn't he?"
She looked nearly identical to me, and that freaked me out. Soon after seeing that picture, he would start comparing me to her. It got uncomfortable — uncomfortable.
Soon enough, I started to get the vibe I was a replacement for his ex. The inkling stopped being a floating theory when he called out her name in bed, and that was precisely the moment I dumped him because I started witnessing other indicators I was dealing with an emotionally unhinged man.
Here are the signs you're dealing with an emotionally unhinged man:
1. You get reminded about how similar you are to his ex
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A particular focus on looks tends to be a reason to suspect he might be emotionally unhinged, but if you notice that symptom paired with regular mentions of the ex, it’s a surefire thing. Research from The American Psychological Association (APA) further backs up this point, it’s clear he’s not over his ex, so any relationship he has with you will not turn out well.
2. You get the sincere feeling he’s not over a past relationship
This goes hand in hand with sign number two. You can usually get a feeling something isn’t quite right, even if a guy doesn’t outright mention the ex. Maybe it’s the fact he keeps her photo around or the fact he didn’t get rid of her sweater, but emotionally unhinged men never quite seem like they’re over the ex, as shown by 2017 research.
3. You have evidence he’s trying to recreate certain moments he had in past relationships
Did he tell you about the time his ex went on a cruise trip with him in the Caribbean, and then bought you tickets after a bit? Have people regularly mentioned things his ex used to do, and he tries to get you to do? If so, you’re probably dating an emotionally unhinged man.
4. You physically look a lot like his ex
Sometimes, what you have in common are looks. Other times, it could be your attitudes and similar hobbies. Regardless, a study in Evolutionary Psychological Science found emotionally unhinged guys will typically only date people who have a striking similarity to one another in at least one way.
5. You just started dating and he's acting like it's a long-term relationship
Some of these guys are so deeply broken by their breakups, that they will start to act like you’re their ex. When they do this, they’ll often ask to move in almost immediately, press to get that label, and also flaunt you to their friends quickly.
This may seem cute, but it’s not. It’s creepy and a sign of instability.
6. You feel like he's only dating you to use you as a weapon
To a point, we’ve all been there and rubbed our dating successes in an ex’s face — or at least, wanted to do so. A study in The Journal of Relationships Research explored how it's almost human nature to do it.
However, if he does this a lot, you need to ask yourself if he’s dating you out of revenge as a way to show his ex that she’s replaceable, or out of genuine interest.
7. Your relationship doesn’t feel like it’s actually yours
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If you’re in this position, you know what I mean. It’s the feeling you’re in a relationship that’s choreographed, where you’re expected to play a role that isn’t quite you, according to research published by the APA. If you feel that way, it could be because you’re low-key picking up on the signs he still loves his ex or is hoping you’ll turn into his ex.
8. You feel pressured to act in a particular way that pleases him
This one is touchy because it is so hard to figure out it’s happening on most occasions. Make no mistake about it — if he’s getting pushy about certain foods, clothing items, or activities, it could be because he’s emotionally unhinged.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.