7 Humane Steps To Take When You're Finally Ready To Break A Self-Destructive Habit
Some ruts are worse than others, but you don't have to suffer getting out of them.
simona pilolla 2 via Shutterstock Sometimes life doesn't feel like it "fits" who you are or what you want. You might feel like it's impossible to break a bad habit or get out of a pattern that feels wrong to you. As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, I've witnessed people stuck in these ruts find their way out without too much pain, so I want you to feel hopeful that it's possible.
You also may feel this way while going through a career change, moving house, entering a new relationship, or breaking up. You wish you knew what to do, but the path isn’t clear. Even if you're not even sure what it is you want for yourself, you can still start this process and start building what you want!
Practicing these simple and manageable seven steps daily can help you identify the negative beliefs ingrained in your thinking and clear them.
Here are seven steps to take daily when you're ready to break a bad pattern
1. Sit and just breathe (on purpose)
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Put a daily spiritual practice in place to help you look inward. Take the time to sit, relax, and breathe. Start with just 10 minutes, and make it a time when you will not be disturbed.
Practicing your introspection at the same time every day is optimal. However, if that is not possible, it’s OK. You might want to light a candle and play some nice inspirational music. It is totally up to you.
Research on physical energy required for mental work reminds us how transformational work takes a lot of energy, so you want to treat yourself well during this time and take good care of yourself. Eat well, get your rest, move your body, and be sure to add some fun to your days.
2. Write down your feelings every day
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An observational study on writing and resilience to trauma shows how journaling your life story can help. Think about the most traumatic times in your life, and write about the feelings that came up for you then.
Ask yourself questions, like: Are you still emotionally charged by those experiences? What did you make those situations mean about you? What negative beliefs did you take away from those experiences? (i.e. I’m not good enough, I’m not worthy, I’m stupid are a few very common negative beliefs.)
3. Write down what you feel inside your body, too
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Really sit with those feelings. Let the feelings come up. When they do, make a note in your journal about where you feel these feelings in your body. This process can feel very uncomfortable; however, I promise it won’t kill you.
This is the time to be prepared to watch for resistance. You may want to eat, drink, gossip, shop, work, or do whatever it is you do to numb your feelings. Please resist these urges. This is a critical point. A study on emotional processing of psychological trauma demonstrates how it can be a painful time, but if you can sit through these emotions, they will pass.
4. Look for the positive outcomes of your bad experiences
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Eventually, you will see the gift you can take away from these negative experiences.
For example, I often hear those who were abused say that they have learned how to forgive and have compassion for others in similar situations. I hear those who grew up thinking “I am stupid” were inspired to prove to the world otherwise and now have earned graduate degrees. Some “I’m not good ‘enough-ers'” are helping so many people in the world because they get their feelings of goodness from helping.
Really examine how these negative beliefs shaped your life in a positive way.
5. Find a new way to let go of what's keeping you stuck
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You can do a “letting go” meditation and ask that these negative beliefs be taken from you. You can also simply write the negative beliefs down on a piece of paper and burn them or draw an arrow across the paper to how you want to feel instead. Be creative.
You will know you have truly let go when your life begins to shift. Relationships begin to change. Life circumstances seem to miraculously change.
6. Say kind things to yourself
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Create positive affirmations based on the opposite of the negative beliefs you have uncovered, and post them where they are visual to you throughout the day. Read them when you get up, revisit them periodically throughout the day, and read them again before you go to bed.
Write your positive affirmations as if it has always been that way for you. “I have always been worthy of love." Or, “I have always felt safe and secure." Make sure they are believable to you!
7. Visualize & start creating the life you actually want
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A vision board is a powerful tool that can help you bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to go. Plus, spending time relaxing and searching for pictures, words, colors, or anything that represents or pleases you can become a very meditative experience. The mind relaxes and lets go, and the creative process begins.
Once you have connected with the pictures that inspire and connect with you, arrange them on a poster board in a pleasing way. This can be a lovely exercise to experience with some close friends. You might also name your creation once it's done, i.e. serenity, new beginnings, fireworks, etc.
Finally, put your vision board in a place where you can see it, enjoy it daily, and notice what happens in time.
Begin with the first step of this transformation process and organically, over time, the rest of the steps will follow.
Be patient. Stick with it. Your new and improved life is waiting for you.
Catherine Anesi is a licensed clinical social worker, Reiki Master, and a Transformational Group and Retreat facilitator. She is also the founder of The Lighthouse Wellness And Retreat Center,