7 Ways To Make Long-Distance Online Dating Work (And Last!)
Sure, it's a leap of faith. But it's so worth it.
getty You’re on your favorite online dating site and you come across a profile that really captures your attention. You have tons in common and you sense the chemistry could be off the charts and feel guided to contact this person…but wait! They live in another country — a plane flight away!
Do you go with your instinct or do you decide that long distance dating isn’t for you?
Let’s dive into this quandary.
First off, what if this person is the absolute love of your life? Are you willing to relocate for that kind of love? If not, check their profile to see if they are willing to relocate. Most singles are willing, so the odds are in your favor, even if you would like to stay put.
OK, great, so at least one of you IS willing to relocate. But, does long distance dating even work?
When I first launched Spiritual Singles back in the year 2000, I was convinced that long distance dating was a horrible idea. Everyone that I met that had tried it ended up with some kind of "unhappy ending" story. However, 18 years later, my attitude has done a complete 180. Why?
Because over that 18-year period, we have received countless testimonials from couples who started their relationship with some physical distance between them. They tell us how they originally didn’t’ live in the same city, state, or oftentimes, even country, but how they felt they were destined to be together.
Think about this. What if the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with doesn't live near you? You still want to meet them, right?
Here are some smart, savvy tips on how to make a long distance relationship work to get you started:
1. Open your mind and heart to the possibility.
Come to terms with the idea that your soulmate, twin flame, life partner, poopsie love face…may live somewhere else and that’s perfectly okay! Surrendering to what’s in your highest and best is a great first step.
2. Be open.
On your profile, when setting filters for who you are looking to meet, select the important ones like their spiritual beliefs, dietary preference, whether they smoke, drink, are 420 friendly, want more/any kids...etc.
But leave the location section OPEN.
3. Make contact with those you feel a connection with no matter where they live.
You live in California and they live in Australia, so what? Think of it like an experiment or an adventure. Relax and have some fun as you get to know them.
Start with email conversations but move to video chatting as soon as you are comfortable in doing so.
4. Video chat early on.
As soon as you know the person is legitimate and you feel there could be something there, schedule video date. Voice, eyes, laugh and mannerisms are all things you can’t get from emails, but you can from video chatting.
It gives you the best sense of chemistry without actually meeting. Have some questions prepared to ask — keep it light and fun at first.
Once you’ve had a few video dates, make sure to sit in silence and feel each other for at least a minute or so. This is a nice way to just "be" with someone and feel their energy.
Video dating is a great way to get to know someone without physical intimacy and is therefore conducive to developing a deeply connected friendship, which is a great place to start a relationship.
5. Arrange to meet in person once you both feel you’re ready.
Sometimes both people will travel and meet somewhere in the middle and spend a wonderful weekend together, and sometimes one person will travel to the other’s location. Do what works for you both, and again, relax and enjoy the experience and adventure.
Worst case, you’ll most likely make a great friend. Many of our success story couples tell us that their first date was a week-long!
6. Take the pressure off.
Think of it as meeting a good friend, not potentially the one you might spend the rest of your life with, unless that excites you and works for you. Plan some activities to do together so you can share some experiences and see how it goes.
At first, it’s easier if you are doing something, rather than just sitting and talking. You might want to go for a hike and/or a picnic, a bike ride, wine tasting, shopping for dinner ingredients at your local farmer’s market (then preparing dinner together) and/or take a class together (painting or cooking).
Be creative.
7. Stay in the flow and follow your inner guidance.
Listen to your heart more than your head. Stay out of your own way. Enjoy the other person as a soul in a body and see how you feel when you are with them. Let go of pre-conceived notions about how someone should look (how tall they should be or how thin/muscular) and about storybook romances.
Be genuine, real, and honest. Have fun and practice compassionate communication.
8. Keep in touch.
Video date, talk on the phone, email, and text in-between visits until you are ready to bring your lives together or you decide it’s not a match.
Jill Crosby is the owner/founder of the Conscious Dating Network, the largest network of exclusively conscious/spiritual/green dating sites on the Internet, featuring her flagship site, Spiritual Singles.