10 Tiny Signs Not To Marry Him, No Matter How Much You Love Him
You can't marry someone who treats you this way.
Mixmike | Canva Initially, you felt like this guy was the one. You’ve been together for a while. He has met your friends and family. But, lately, you've been having mixed feelings about him. You love him, but it just feels different. You are beginning to wonder if he's the one. So, why did you continue to stay with him when you’ve had this feeling? Maybe, it took you a long time to meet him. He comes around a lot. He creates a sense of safety for you. We all want to be in a committed relationship. We want to feel loved and be able to give love. But, you need to be careful. Staying with the wrong guy can be a big mistake and the signs not to marry him are in plain sight.
Here are 10 tiny signs not to marry him, no matter how much you love him:
1. You’re ignoring one of your deal breakers
I’m not talking about your list of qualities that you’re looking for in your dream relationship. I’m talking about those few must-haves on your list, the things you told yourself you wouldn’t compromise on. This is where you need to be true to yourself. If you don’t, you will be short-changing yourself. You won’t be getting what you want out of life.
2. You don’t feel like a priority in his life
In a relationship, you need to feel that you are his priority. This is how you know your partner has your back, no matter what. If you don’t feel this way, you will have a hard time trusting him.
3. He rarely says, "I love you."
Saying the "L" word can be scary. But, if you have been seeing him for a long time he must say it. If he can’t or won’t say it, this means he doesn’t take you seriously. You need to hear those three words. If you aren’t hearing them, then it’s time to move on.
4. You can’t be yourself
You feel you need to be someone else when you are around him. You feel this way because he doesn’t accept you for the person you are. Are you worried that you may upset him if you get emotional around him? He needs to accept all parts of you. With the good comes the bad. You aren’t perfect and neither is he.
5. He doesn’t always tell the truth
It’s important to be honest in a relationship. This is how you build trust. This is the foundation of a relationship. Even if the lie seems small, it will make you question the relationship. If he has lied to you and you have stayed with him, then you need to ask yourself, "Why?" Most of the time one lie builds on another.
6. You feel like you're doing all the giving in the relationship
This doesn’t mean I want you to count. But, in a relationship, it’s important to give and receive. You shouldn’t feel like you are killing yourself to make this relationship work. Your relationship shouldn’t deplete you. Does it feel like everything in the relationship is on his terms? If the answer is "yes," then it’s time to move on.
7. He makes up excuses as to why he won’t go exclusive in the relationship
He knows that you like him and he says that he likes you. But, every time you talk about going exclusive in the relationship, he gives you an excuse. This leaves you feeling empty and questioning his sincerity. As it should. If you've been seeing him for a while and he still won’t go exclusive, then it’s time to move on.
8. You don’t feel respected in the relationship
It’s easy to overlook respect in a relationship. But, this is an important one. Does he make fun of your work? Does he comfort you when you have an argument with your mom or does he make fun of you? He must respect your beliefs and you, as a person. If he doesn’t, this will cause you to resent him.
9. There's not much of an emotional connection
For a relationship to last, you need to feel the emotional connection. You need to know your partner inside and out. This goes way beyond the bedroom. Your partner needs to know your hopes and dreams. What has driven you to be the person you are? Where do you see yourself in 10 years? There needs to be safety in the relationship to share this information about yourself. This means there is a culture of trust and understanding. This is what will help keep you together during the difficult times.
10. Your gut tells you something is wrong
No matter how much you feel like you love him, if your gut tells you something is wrong chances are something is. I know you want to be in a loving relationship. This is how we are wired. But, being in the wrong relationship can be worse than being alone. You need to think about what you need in a relationship. Don’t cut yourself short. This doesn’t mean that you don’t make any compromises. Just don’t forget yourself in the process. You will get through this and meet the right guy.
Lianne Avila is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a practice in San Mateo, CA. Her work has been featured in Psych Central, BRIDES, and Prevention.