What It's Like To Marry A Swinger
I had to come to terms with what I thought was “proper behavior.”
courtesy of the author What does a traditionally raised Midwest girl have in common with a swinger? More than you would think... a lot more.
My introduction to the swinging lifestyle began several years ago after my second divorce. I was slowly coming to terms with being single after decades of marriage.
It was the first time in my adult life I was doing things for me. I had a new job and my own place. I could decorate my space however I wanted; I could fix whatever meal sounded good; if I wanted to play the radio while doing housework, there was no one around to tell me no.
I was ready to live with arms wide open and experience the fullness and richness life has to offer.
For what felt like the first time in my life, I had the opportunity to decide for myself what I wanted, so with a little trepidation I started to explore the single life.
The first thing I did was become more active on Facebook. One evening as I was scrolling down my News Feed, I came across a stunning silhouette photograph of a hummingbird feeding her chicks. The picture had been posted by John, a guy I went to high school with but had not seen since. I “liked” the picture, and to my surprise he responded. The next thing I knew we were talking, and six days later he flew from Florida to see me in Kansas.
During our initial conversations, the whole “What do you do?” question came up and that was when I discovered John owned swingers clubs. He told me right off the bat. I was instantly curious, because a swingers club was so far outside the realm of what I had ever been exposed to.
I wanted to know what it was all about.
I had heard the term “swinger” before, but coming from a conservative, traditional, and religious family, the definition was anything but positive. I always thought of swingers as cheaters. It was my belief that couples who swing must not really love each other and do not know how to have a healthy loving relationship.
What made this so weird was that John was nothing like my definition.
He was a loving, caring, honest, sober (28 years), and hard working man. I had never been in a relationship in which the topics of conversation were so open and honest. I could talk about my fantasies, and instead of being looked at like I was some kind of nutcase, I was embraced and loved all the more.
Rather than being threatened by my independence, John encouraged me to partake in new adventures. He wanted me to spread my wings and see how high I could fly!
I sometimes thought he trusted me more than I trusted myself. It was amazing to be with someone who accepted me for me. John did not want me to change a thing I was doing, he just wanted to share in my life.
John’s behavior shattered every perception I had about swingers. Swinging was not about cheating or dishonesty or a lack of control, it was the complete opposite.
The concept of an open relationship is one that society says is not supposed to work. We are taught that we should be jealous, that jealousy somehow conveys our love for each other. Except, jealousy does not convey love at all, it conveys our own fears and our desire to control our partner based on those fears.
John was not jealous when another man would talk to me; he would encourage the exchange because he trusted me! I spent so many years married to a man who would accuse me of cheating all the time, and here I was with someone who was not jealous because of mutual trust and honesty. This relationship was almost too good to be true! Was it really possible to be loved so completely yet so freely?
The first time I decided to engage in some swinging with John, took a lot of patience on his part. I had to come to terms with the files in my head about what was proper behavior in regards to society’s narrow viewpoint and the guidelines mapped out by government and religion. This blinder view of the world was the only one I had been taught, and even though I knew I wanted to experience a different side of life, I had to be willing to take those blinders off.
When I finally decided I was ready to take 100 percent responsibility for my actions and was going to be okay with me regardless, I was able to make the step forward in exploring a whole new side of me.
John and I made a date with another guy.
I was so nervous as we drove to our rendezvous. My heart was beating a thousand times a minute. I could not believe I was actually going to throw caution to the wind and do something I wanted to do. I wanted to do this! I was going to do this!
It was a whole, “I am woman, hear me roar kind of moment!” And I did do it!
I have never felt more powerful and strong and loved and excited and free than I did that evening. I embraced every single morsel and explored who I was to a depth I had never allowed myself to traverse before.
I threw my head back in ecstasy while in the company of my loving boyfriend and another man. I knew in an instant my life was forever changed. In one moment I was fully committed to the swinging lifestyle.
John and I married a few months after this initial encounter. I quit my banking career, and together we run several award winning swingers clubs in addition to a successful swingers relationship blog. We have seen first hand the amazing benefits of loving openly.
Had I remained closed minded and stuck in my ways, I would have missed out on the most incredible relationship I have ever had. I am reminded almost daily of the importance of being open to other points of view and to never make assumptions based on hearsay.
Get out there and live life for yourself, you never know what marvelous adventure awaits!
Jackie Melfi is in an open relationship with her husband, John. They are the creators of the award winning swingers' lifestyle blog Openlove101 and the driving force behind colette, an exclusive upscale swingers' club with multiple locations in the USA. Jackie is also the author of Swingers' Lifestyle The Questions You Are Afraid To Ask.
YourTango may earn an affiliate commission if you buy something through links featured in this article.