Yes, It Is Totally Possible To Enjoy Sex Again After Sexual Abuse
Even if it doesn't seem like it now.
Photo by Frank Park on Unsplash Unfortunately, sexual abuse is much more common than one might think.
According to the Department of Justice, there were 346,830 reported rapes or sexual assaults and only about 30% of sexual assault cases are actually reported to the authorities.
And if that wasn't horrific enough, if you are one those men or women who went through a sexual trauma (yes, men can be sexually assaulted and raped, too!), there's a good chance you may now suffer from PTSD that can be triggered by sex, even consensual sex with someone you care for.
Whether having sex triggers you back to your sexual trauma, or you feel guilty for having sexual pleasure after your experience, the idea of enjoying sex seems impossible to many people who have survived sexual violence.
You might be able to bring yourself to have sex for your partner's sake, but you deserve more. And yes, it IS possible for many survivors of sexual violence to authentically enjoy sex, even if it doesn't seem like it now.
In our latest Expert video, we asked Expert and sex & intimacy coach Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey — creator of the podcast The A to Z of Sex ™ — how someone with sexual trauma in their past can learn to love sex again.
There are 2 things you need to do to regain control of your sex life after abuse:
Step 1: Work through your PTSD and the trauma.
Find a therapist, if you haven't already, who has dealt with sexual trauma, to help you move past it. They'll be able to help you cope with your PTSD and eliminate the triggers that keep sending you back to that moment.
Most importantly, a therapist will help you learn to stop blaming yourself and to love yourself again.
You may never forget it, but you can learn to not let it consume you.
Step 2: Now find a sex & intimacy coach who has dealt with sexual trauma.
Once you're able to get through each day with little to no daily traumatic triggers, you need to work through your sexual triggers.
There may be some sex positions that you should avoid, while others are completely trigger-free.
A licensed sex therapist will be able to help you (and your supportive partner) figure out what those are, as well as how you can maximize your sexual pleasure.
A truly horrible thing happened to you, but you are strong and you CAN get through this.
Believe in yourself and don't be afraid to ask for help. You'll come out stronger than ever.
If you or your partner are facing sex-related issues, or are dealing with trauma-related issues that affect your relationship, check out Lori's website or write to her with your questions by clicking here. She's here to help.