Best Sex Positions & Tips For Women With A Small Or Tight Vagina
Sex doesn't have to hurt.
pathdoc / shutterstock I can’t think of anything worse than getting all hot and ready for sex with my lover and having it hurt as soon as he enters me.
Many women experience pain with intercourse for different reasons: virginity, anxiety, menopause, and vaginismus. Recent research had 30% of women reporting pain the last time they had vaginal intercourse.
If you are having pain during sex, first go get checked out by the doctor (preferably a gynecologist). They can rule out infections of all types which can cause pain with sex. They will also see if your uterus is in a position that can make some sexual positions painful.
There are also lots of things you can do to make penetration easier.
Penetrative sex need not be painful, but some tips and sex positions may make penetration easier, depending on the reason your vagina seems tight.
4 Reasons You May Have a "Small" or Tight Vagina, and the Best Sex Positions and Tips to Help With Each
1. You may have a tight vagina because you are a virgin.
Let’s talk virginity first...
Even today, most women report that losing their virginity was painful and not much fun.
For many, losing virginity is very painful and puts them off sex for years. It may be the 21st century, but young women still rarely have lots of good information before the first time.
Here are some tips for how to make the first time you have sex easier:
Talk about sex with your partner before you have sex!
Take the time to talk about your desires and about what feels good versus what doesn’t.
Set aside a lot of time and spend the extra time on foreplay.
Your arousal will lower your pain perception and of course a rise in excitement will increase lubrication.
Add extra lubrication.
Even if you don't think you'll need it.
Start penetration slowly.
Use a finger first. Then add another. Some people don’t like doing it this way when there is an intact hymen. One of my clients shared, ‘I just wanted him to do it quickly. That way it was a sharp pain at first. Then we went slowly and the pain disappeared. I didn’t come the first time but the second … wow."
The best sex positions for the first time vary.
Woman-on-top positions allows you to control the penetration. Missionary position makes it easy to communicate with your lover.
2. Your vagina may seem "small" because your cervix is being bumped into.
Is your vagina too tight?
No. That possibility is fiction. Vaginas are meant to expand — a lot. That’s what they do during childbirth!
It’s really rare to be too tight anatomically. Usually, things are too tight when you aren’t excited enough, are anxious, or haven’t yet taken the time to warm up.
Sometimes if he is really big, and you tend towards being tight it can take some extra lubrication and extra time.
When people talk about small vaginas, they often mean that the man can feel the woman’s cervix when they are having sex. Some women love this feeling and others hate it.
The best sex positions when your cervix is easy to bump into include these:
Cowgirl position.
Climb on top of him and you can control the depth of thrust.
Spooning position.
This is where both of you lie on your sides, with the man as the big spoon.
Missionary position.
But try it with your legs flat on the bed instead of raised.
3. Your vagina may be tight due to menopause.
Now, let’s talk about menopause...
I have always loved sex and was devastated 6 months ago when we started and it felt like razor blades were cutting me inside.
I had to ask my husband to stop. He gathered me in his arms as I cried.
I have had clients who have experienced the same issue. I tried everything, as at first, I thought it was a lubrication issue. But it’s not just that. It is related to the tissues thinning from less estrogen.
Here are some tips if you are menopausal and sex has begun to hurt:
Topical hormone replacement.
There are gels, insertable small pills, creams.
Coconut oil.
This provides you with more than just lubricant
Full hormone replacement in gels, tablets, or patches.
Make sure to carefully weigh the risks and benefits.
Natural methods of increasing estrogen including phytoestrogens (plant-based like soy for example).
These will include tablets to take and foods to eat. Consider Macapause which has significant research results and also improves energy.
Lots of time spent on foreplay and lots of lubricant.
This works in combination with other methods.
Woman-on-top sex positions.
As women in the group above, climbing on top might help women going through menopause to control the pace and depth of penetration.
4. Vaginismus also causes many women with a tight vagina to suffer in silence.
Some women who have vaginismus, which is when you have involuntary contractions of your pelvic floor muscles, and find they cannot even get a finger inside comfortably.
In such cases, specialist sex therapists and other medical professionals can help with treatment.
There are a number of vaginal dilators that are used to treat vaginismus. SH! toy shop in London makes a set of dilators that is like a sex toy out of silicone that come with a bullet vibrator to make treatment as easy and as pleasurable as possible.
Sex should never be painful (unless you want it to be so).
If it is, rule out medical problems first. Then get some help from a sex coach or therapist to help you get back to having ecstatic intercourse.
Dr Lori Beth Bisbey is a sex and intimacy coach, registered psychologist, speaker, educator and author who works with individuals, couples and polyamorous groups to find and create their ideal intimate relationships. She has a special expertise healing individuals from sexual trauma and is kink knowledgeable. Listen to her podcasts, The A to Z of Sex and Sex Spoken Here, on iTunes and Stitcher.