3 Sneaky Ways To Get A Guy To Truly Want You
Avoid the rapids and find the current that flows to love.
g-stockstudio, Armin Parachoniak | Canva I have some sneaky secrets that will rock your romance boat so you can get a guy at the right time for both of you.
Do you want to know this privileged information?
Over the years, I’ve gotten their top secrets. Men have spilled their romantic desires to me so they could find a good woman. A woman like you.
Here are 3 sneaky ways to get a guy to truly want you:
1. Get out of the boat. Or get into one.
Dating is grueling. A chore. A bore. Some even see it as an affliction. Some women see going to dinner with yet another date with a new guy as worse than writing term papers in college the night before it was due.
I’ve heard from friends and seen people online complaining about how terrible dating is. Swipe left, swipe right, wink, email, text, have another phone call, meet for coffee (again), and cross your fingers that this date will lead to date number two, three, and four until you are sitting under the weeping willow in the front yard with your 2.5 kids.
I know dating is hard. It seems like there is no hope. But with a slight change in your mindset, you may notice it is you who has way more options.
The men I have worked with have had me write emails for them to get a woman to notice them.
It’s as difficult for men as it is for you. For many of them, it is even worse. They can send one hundred emails and are lucky to get one in return.
So many women don’t understand how to build attraction with a man and end up being more like his buddies or like his mother.
You need the qualities he is looking for in a partner, and he needs to have what you are looking for in a partner. Finding mutually suitable matches takes time. If you want a boyfriend, lover, or husband, you have to row around a bigger dating pool. You must go on dates, whether you like it or not.
You might as well have fun while you are at it. You will need a raft so you don’t sink. And I am your raft. I used to be a whitewater raft guide, so I know what I’m doing when it comes to guiding you through the rapids of rivers and dating.
2. Don’t paddle too hard.
Don’t paddle your raft too hard when getting to know a man. In other words, you want to learn how to go with the flow and not rush things. Don’t try to paddle against the current. It never works.
I was in my 20s and made more than my fair share of mistakes with men and would often try to paddle upstream. When I became a river guide and started learning to navigate a river, I knew you could not paddle upstream when the current was too strong.
But I still tried, though I knew it would not work. I bet you have done the same thing with dating. I remember something profound happened when I was a river rat. I was taking customers down the rapids and saw something disturbing.
A little deer with white spots was trying to cross the river to its mother. It was swimming upstream into the rapidly moving white water. I was in tears as I supervised the people in the boat to paddle upstream and help this baby deer. What was I thinking I could do?
Get into the rapid and pick up the deer, put it in my boat, and get it safely across?
It’s a challenge to think rationally when we feel emotional.
We could not paddle hard enough to get close, even though we had given our most. My boss started yelling at me to catch up to the group. We had to leave the baby deer behind. If only this little animal knew to go with the flow of the current, it could have reached its mother and safety so much faster without as much struggling.
I don’t know what happened to the deer. I never will. I can only hope it made its way.
When you try too hard to paddle into the choppy dating water the wrong way, it doesn't work. You make it more difficult for yourself than it needs to be.
You can learn to go with the flow and not struggle to get to a man.
It will work much better in the long run, and you will be well on your way to finding love. It’s hard to let him do some work because when we get a little attention, our brain lights up the pleasure center.
Ding ding ding! Someone likes me! I got a text…I better send another one. And five minutes later…I better send another and another and another.
3. Don’t go over the waterfall of chasing him more than he is chasing you.
Let him guide the boat and see where he takes it. He might paddle in the same direction you are going. You can easily jump into someone else’s boat if he doesn't. There are single men everywhere. The world is teeming with them.
Give a man the same amount of attention he gives you (and even less if he is very casual).
If a man is actively pursuing you, gladly answer his texts with some flirty, fun banter. When a man is interested, you will know it. But some men are much slower than others. They need time to evaluate if you are a good fit and wonder if he will be a good fit for you.
If a man gives you a little attention to keep you on the line, give him much less attention.
If he says things like, “Maybe we can meet up next week,” do not keep your entire week open while hoping he will set up a date.
Keep your life filled, and let him fit into your life. Men don’t mind doing the work to get something, and before they get the woman who is right for them, you can bet he is keeping his options open, and so should you.
Photo: Briana Hunter via Shutterstock
If he doesn't contact you by phone, text, or arranging dates, then treat him with an equal amount of attention, which is none.
Keep yourself in the dating pool. The dating pool is more like the expansive ocean. It is filled with vast emotional waves and men for you to meet. Dating will keep you growing and expanding and getting more clear on what it is that you want.
There is beauty in the waiting. Because there will be even more pleasure when you get the partner you want, so play like you are ready for a boyfriend and are ready for love. Have fun, smile often, keep your heart open, and put your magnificent self out there.
Dina Colada is an author, speaker, and dating coach who specializes in helping single women navigate the modern world of online dating. Her work has appeared on Prevention, MSN, Women’s Health, Plenty of Fish, and Zoosk.