Spreader Bars Are Your Kinky New Best Friend (Seriously!)
SO hot.
weheartit By Kassi Klower
Whether you love or hate the Fifty Shades series, one thing is undeniable — the worldwide phenomenon has ensured kinky sex is talked about more than ever. Yay for us!
People are definitely starting to feel more comfortable deviating from standard missionary and heading away from stock-standard vanilla sex, because spreader bars are flying off sex shop shelves, and for good reason. The sexy bondage toy is designed to keep your legs open for business, no matter what, which not only makes sex so much easier but a hell of a lot more interesting.
If the newest movie awakened the kink queen inside you, and you wanna step things up from using the Fifty Shades-inspired sex toys, spreader bars might be the new thing for you to work into your bedtime routine…
What are spreader bars?
A spreader bar is a type of sex toy designed to keep the legs parted, with a rigid central bar and ankle cuff at each end. They can be used during bondage play as a form of restraint, but also double as a position enhancer.
Most spreader bars are designed to be attached at the ankles and spread the wearer’s legs from the bottom, but others are designed to be worn higher up on the legs and spread between the thighs. Some even have wrist cuffs to keep the wearer in a fingers-to-toes sort of position.
Related: I Introduced 50 Shades Themed Sex Toys Into My Relationship. Here’s What Happened.
“Using a spreader bar has a multitude of benefits for sex and sex play, from physically parting the legs and making the genitals easier to see, access and stimulate, to being a position enhancer which helps to keep legs apart during leg-shaking (and potentially leg-closing) pleasure,” explains Lovehoney Sexpert, Jess Wilde.
The possibilities for spreader bars are only limited by the imagination of the users.
Why do people love them?
People like using spreader bars for a whole range of reasons, from their position enhancing benefits to their restraint possibilities.
“For some, it’s purely the physical aspect of a spreader bar which keeps them coming back. Their unfaltering ability to keep legs parted for intimate access is amazing for both partners,” Wilde says.
“During cunnilingus, the performing partner doesn’t have to worry about having their head squished between thighs, and the receiver can lay back and focus all of their attention on the pleasure they’re receiving.”
For other people, it’s the psychological thrill of complete and utter submission. Being bound and ‘forced’ to receive erotic pleasure can send some people up the walls with pleasure. Having your legs held apart leaves you totally exposed and completely at your lover’s mercy, which can be spine-tinglingly erotic, not to mention it shows and builds trust with your partner.
Okay, but you might be wondering why anyone would use a spreader bar when they could go all out and use an under-bed four-poster-style restraint? It all comes down to ease, really. Changing positions whilst using a spreader bar is super-easy. You can flip and switch your pose without releasing your legs, while bed strap kits require the ‘sub’ (submissive partner) to be unbound in order to change position – which can interrupt the fun.
How do you start using them?
Introducing any sex toy into the bedroom can be daunting if you’ve never broached the subject before, but it isn’t impossible. Whether you get a “yes”, “maybe” or an absolute “no” from your partner can come largely down to your delivery, as well as whether or not they’re interested in trying the toy you’re suggesting (obviously).
Regardless of your delivery, you must always remember that what is a turn-on for you may actually be a total no-go for your partner, and you have to be respectful of that.
“When someone is unwilling to try something new in the bedroom, their rejection often comes from a place of fear or lack of knowledge,” explains Wilde.
“This is why it’s important for your suggestion to come across as an invitation to your partner, rather than a request. If you make it clear this idea is for both of your benefits, you’re more likely to be greeted with questions and curiosity than fear and rejection.”
Related: 4 Creatively Sexy Ideas Using Handcuffs
If you and your partner have already experimented with toys in the bedroom, whether that be a vibrator, blindfolds, or any other kind of restraints, then bringing a spreader bar to play should be pretty straightforward.
“I would suggest referencing a toy that you’ve used together before to begin the conversation. Discuss how much you loved it when you used that toy and see what your partner says,” says Wilde.
By approaching the subject this way you’re making it clear that the idea is up for discussion, that you value your partner’s opinion. Alternatively, you could suggest watching Fifty Shades Darker together, and seeing how your partner reacts to the spreader bar scene (FYI: it’s hottt). This could work to pique your partner’s sexual curiosity and give you a few ideas for if you get the go-ahead to try it out for yourselves.
What are the best positions for spreader bar play?
Can’t wait to get started, but a bit baffled on how to get the most out of the bar? Wilde let us in on some of the positions that are perfect for the spreader bar. You’re welcome.
The ‘Stand And Deliver’
The wearer has their legs strapped into the bar and they bend over a bench/table/sofa for support. The bar keeps their legs parted for easy access from behind.
Doggy
This position is best when the wearer keeps their knees under their body, so their ankles are up near their butt. This keeps the bar out of the way of the other person during rear entry play. For more of a hog-tied effect, use a spreader bar with wrist and ankle cuffs.
Legs Up Missionary
Lying on their back, the wearer raises their legs in the air. The penetrating partner can hold onto the central bar to support the legs in this position. A cushion under the bottom can make this pose more comfortable, and heighten pleasure.
Throne Of O
The wearer sits on a chair or sofa with their feet on the floor and the spreader bar parting their legs at the ankles. This is a great position for spread eagle oral pleasure.
Curious? You can buy spreader bars here.