7 Little Mistakes You Make That Ruin Your Chances With A Man
You never got that second date for a reason.
New Africa / Shutterstock Imagine you have been chatting with a guy you really like on a dating site. He's attractive, has a nice sense of humor, seems to be witty, and, most importantly, is genuinely interested in you. Finally, he asks to see you in person.
You have a few drinks, chat, and laugh at his jokes, and it seems like you both enjoy yourself. But the next day, he doesn’t call or even text. Eventually, you realize he's gone without a trace. What could have gone so wrong?
Once you know what might be turning guys off, you can make simple changes that will help your next first date go much better.
Here are 7 little dating mistakes women make that scare men away and ruin their chances with him
1. Complaining about anything and everything
You may not even notice it. It may be such a natural thing for you to express how the service in the bar is slow or inefficient, how the place is too cold or too warm, and how the same cocktail you had in a different bar tasted so much better.
And then moving into complaining about your messy roommate, about your over-demanding mother, about a paper you have to write for your finals. It is time to realize that guys do not like complainers. He was probably nodding but thinking, “Gosh! If she is complaining about everything on our first date, then what will be in a month if we continue seeing each other? Run!”
2. Constantly checking your phone and exchanging texts with other people while talking with him
It does not really matter if you are chatting with your sister, checking your Facebook, or responding to messages from another guy. He probably couldn't care less. It is simply impolite, bordering on rude, not to give him your complete undivided attention, especially if you are seeing him for the first time.
Photo: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels
It seems to your guy that meeting him is just one of many things that occupy your mind, and he may not be your priority. And that is an unpleasant thought for his ego. For anyone's, really. Don’t make him feel like he's number 12 or 35, when we should all feel like number one on a date.
3. Being judgmental
Sure, you are trying your best to be sweet and understanding with your new potential Mr. Right, but think again. Did you really keep all the judgment out of your conversation? Did you avoid criticism altogether?
Remember when he started opening up? It felt so good, didn’t it? He told you about his recent argument with his big sister about her kids, and you couldn’t help but point out something like, “She is your sister, after all. Maybe you can be more understanding of her.”
Or, he described a challenge at work and his boss yelling at him, and you, instead of just offering a sweet understanding smile and reassuring him that everything will work out, started analyzing his position in that argument, offering some insights about what in his behavior provoked his boss’s reaction.
Did he ask you for your opinion? Did it seem like a support or a criticism to him? This is a huge issue. It is time to understand that guys, especially at the very beginning of your relationship, can’t stand any criticism or anything that can be perceived as judgment. They need to feel that you will be on their side unconditionally.
4. Asking too many personal questions
All of us representatives of the finest half of mankind are often too curious, or better to say nosy, especially when it involves finding out more information about our new date. If he just mentions his ex-girlfriend, we often start asking how long they dated, what she was like, why and how they broke up, who caused it, and so on.
Or, let’s say he talked briefly about having changed jobs. We jump right into all kinds of questions about what was wrong with the previous job, whether the was pay not good enough, or if the problem was that it was too boring or too demanding for him, and a thousand other questions.
The guys start feeling they are being grilled worse than at a job interview. Would you like to be interrogated by your potential partner? You probably wouldn't find that attractive.
5. Having closed-off body posture
Do not underestimate the role of your body language. What you are saying non-verbally is equally, if not more important, than what you are saying verbally.
If your body language is not responsive, but on the contrary distant, you may inadvertently give your guy the impression that you are not interested in his company, regardless of what you may be saying.
Remember to keep eye contact, lean forward, smile, respond, or give a light touch, and even just be relaxed. Leave all your doubts and mental discomforts at home and just enjoy your time together. You will have plenty of opportunities to analyze it later.
6. Having non-feminine manners
It is quite interesting that in our age of complete equality, men are still attracted to a lady who shows some traditional feminine qualities. I’m not talking about funny little grimaces or wearing high heels. By all means, be who you really are.
You can wear a pair of your favorite jeans and a comfy sweater, and still display feminine manners. You do not have to have acrylic nails, but your hands and your face should be fresh and taken care of. If you drink, don’t drink excessively. Allow him to place a food order if he feels like it, and ask his opinion about what he thinks is a good choice of appetizer.
Mind you, you don’t have to follow his advice, but asking for it would be appreciated. And yes, you can offer to split the bill. But if he wants it to be his treat, don’t insist. Allow him a little display of his “Provider” instinct. After all, the next time you can take care of the bill if this is important to you.
7. Being late
This may come as common knowledge, but a lot of guys express that they hate it when a woman is late for the first date. Being five or seven minutes late is fine, but when you keep him waiting for 15 or more, he starts thinking that you will not show up.
And with that comes a flood of negative emotions, from self-pity to acute anger. When you finally show up, you may not receive the reaction you have been hoping for, but instead something sarcastic or even mean. It may spoil your whole date.
If there are some real circumstances that delay you, be polite and let him know. Just sending a quick text “will be 15 min late” releases the tension and removes potential animosity.
So, are you guilty of any of these? Now you can analyze your previous date according to these principles, and maybe you will find some answers to the questions that bother you.
And, more importantly, please take these insights, coming from the guys’ perspective, into consideration when planning your next one. Try to be attentive and accepting, give him your attention, do not be nosy, send welcoming non-verbal signals, show your feminine side, and do not be late. Hopefully, your next date will turn out to be a complete success.
Lana Cole is a licensed marriage and family therapist who helps couples reconnect, boost intimacy, and improve their communication to create happy, long-lasting partnerships.