How To Talk Dirty (When You’re Too Shy To Even Moan Out Loud)

A lot of women find it hard to be verbally expressive in bed because, well, they don’t think of themselves as that kind of girl.

The fear of being branded a slut, of being judged for being so forward, for acting against your own self-image, or simply being scared of saying something truly lame is enough to treat the bedroom like a library, where even loud shirts are frowned upon.

Whether you’re a demure twenty-something, a sophisticated career woman, or a sweet-natured mother of two, talking dirty can seem off-target, like it’s meant for another type of woman.

What if you’re usually silent in bed? What if you're too shy to say "Boo" to a ghost? Exactly how should you proceed?

Slowly.

You can’t go from somebody who never utters a peep to somebody who yells, "Drill me with that axis of evil between your legs!"

First, never say that. Second, if you’re in a relationship with a guy who’s so uptight he could crack nuts with his butt cheeks, it might be wise to let him know in advance that you want to talk sexy. Otherwise, you will define awkwardness for the next generation and provoke suspicion to boot.

("Where did she learn that kind of talk? Is she cheating on me? Where did she get that awful line about the access of evil?")

That said, most guys love Tabasco Talk. Why do you think they spend $3.99 a minute to hear it? You most likely don’t have to warn him it’s coming, especially if you start slowly and gradually work up to more earthy, lusty language.

The trick to learning how to talk dirty is learning the steps to Tabasco Talk:

1. Observe.

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Start by observing him. What words does he use? What sounds does he make? Does he sigh or moan? When? Is it loud or soft? What effect does it have on you? What words does he repeat? What’s your reaction? Shock? Dismay? Arousal?

Pay attention. Notice. Observe. Then mirror his sounds. If he moans, moan with him. If he breathes hard, breathe hard with him. You’re probably already doing this without knowing it. Romantic partners subconsciously mirror each other’s body language.

2. Imitate but don't ape.

If you truly don’t make a sound in bed, following your partner’s sounds will help but keep in mind that there’s a difference between mirroring and aping.

If his moans are deep and guttural, make yours a little more shallow and high pitched. If his are long, make yours short. Mirroring ping-pongs the energy higher and higher. Aping just makes him feel like you’re mocking him.

What if you’re not feeling anything strongly enough to moan or groan about? Well, you’re most likely feeling something and you can certainly give verbal expression to that.  

3. Fake it 'til you make it.

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If you feel funny about moaning or groaning for a feeling that isn’t there (or a feeling you don’t think justifies a sound), do it anyway because the act of moaning or sighing can create the feeling or make it grow stronger.  

Just because you don’t feel it, doesn’t mean you can’t get yourself to. Remember, you may not be hungry but the smell of a good hot dog can make you put the whole thing in your mouth.  

With relish.

A little acting, a little effort, and whoa! Where did that orgasm come from? Get comfortable with sounds and you’ll get comfortable with words. Once it’s easy for you to sigh, purr or cry out, you’re ready for the next step.  

Michael Alvear is the sex advice expert at Grab Him and Get The Girl.