People Who Master These 5 Brilliant Skills Are (Pretty Much) Never Lonely
You can be alone and still not feel lonely, but it can take some practice.
Perfect Wave via Shutterstock There is probably nothing worse than feeling lonely as you make your way through life. The feeling of isolation and rejection can bear heavily on your heart and mind. Whether you are single or taken, loneliness does not discriminate. Fortunately, you can be alone and not feel lonely!
We must take care not to allow ourselves to become isolated and settle for the despair that too much deeply felt loneliness can bring. Here are a few ways to do this.
Five little skills people can master to heal loneliness, according to psychology
1. They learn to cherish alone time
There is a huge difference between being alone and feeling lonely. The bottom line is we are not created to do life alone, but that does not mean our time by ourselves isn't vital. And we don't have to feel plagued to be lonely even if we stay single.
If you find you are starting to resent your time alone rather than relish it, you need to look at why. Perhaps you have lost the balance between having a social life and knowing when to hibernate a little. Or maybe you have confused being alone with a sign of depression, failure, or unworthiness.
Spending quality time with ourselves gives us a chance to focus on refilling our cup back up with the self-love we need. It’s a great time for reflection, rest, and restoration as well.
2. They increase involvement in social groups
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There are hundreds of ways you can invite new social connections into your world. Social media has given us instant access to creating new friends with just a click of a button. A study in the Health Expectations Journal suggests the key is to connect with like-minded people who are going to add value to your world.
Remember quantity does not equal quality and the wrong company can make you feel lonelier than truly being alone actually does. Think about what you like or want more of in your life and actively seek out activities and people associated with it.
Joining an online community or a local group is a perfect way to start new friendships. Don’t forget it may take a few tries before you click with the right people. The important part is beginning to create these opportunities in the first place.
3. They get out of their comfort zone
Just because you've become accustomed to a certain feeling, you don't have to keep settling for anything less than you deserve. If you struggle with loneliness, chances are you have developed underlying patterns in your lifestyle and in your thinking that keep you isolated, as explored by a review in Perspectives on Psychological Science.
Let’s not forget that loneliness does not mean the absence of company. You can be in a room full of people and still feel alone.
First, you must break the mental cycle that has you believing who you are isn't worthy of more. You have something wonderful to give this world that only you can give, but you will need to challenge your habits, mindset, and fear of rejection so other people can see that.
4. They stop comparing themselves to others
Comparison is the biggest way in which you steal your happiness. Research in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking Journal shows how It doesn’t help that social media would have us believe if we don’t have the approval of the masses, then we aren’t worth knowing.
When we feel lonely in life, it affects our self-esteem and confidence. We wonder what we could have to offer that would make people want to relish in our company. If you catch yourself comparing who you are to who others seem to be, you need to stop now.
This might mean going offline for a while or writing a list of all your fabulous qualities and reading it back to yourself daily. Who you are and what you are worthy of isn't based on the opinions of others. Surround yourself with people who like you for you, who are genuine, and who build you up.
5. They reclaim their sense of purpose
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It’s amazing how a sense of purpose not only gives us direction but also a deep sense of peace that no one else can give us. When we have a goal to work toward or a passion for pursuing, it keeps our minds positive and occupied in times of loneliness.
The fact remains there will be times in our lives when situations, seasons, or people make us feel lonely and rejected.
When we have something to focus on which we are in control of, it gives us a sense of accomplishment, worth, and happiness. We can’t rely on someone else to be the sole reason for our happiness, just as we can’t expect people to cure our loneliness.
We often think the fact someone loves us should solve the problem — any problem. We look at other people who seem to have lots of friends and an adoring partner and assume they must feel wanted, accepted, and satisfied with their place in the world.
But you can never tell what is going on behind anyone else's façade. When you compare yourself, you only continue to steal your joy and keep yourself feeling lonelier than ever. It’s not easy to feel accepted all the time, and that’s because we aren’t always meant to.
Society would have us believe if we have a certain amount of money, a certain status, or look a certain way, we will have the world at our feet. But it is impossible to have the approval of everyone, and trying to gain it only leaves you exhausted and disappointed.
Being carbon copies of one another does not give society the balance it needs. Every one of us has a different personality and unique story. So it’s OK when someone doesn’t gel with who you are. There will be times in your life when people won't understand your journey, and this will leave you with fewer friends.
What we have to remember is there is tremendous power in being content in our own company. That solace gives us perspective, strength, and a deep sense of peace.
We are each responsible for how we build our lives, so make sure you create the life you want to live.
Renee Slansky is a relationship and dating coach, as well as the founder of The Dating Directory, an online community for women doing love, life, and relationships.