Here's What You Should Do If You Get A Sex Toy Stuck In Your Butt
It happens more often than you'd think.
weheartit UK woman Emma Phillips, 24, recently made headlines for an unfortunate reason: A 7-inch sex toy she'd been using with her boyfriend disappeared inside her butt. Phillips and her boyfriend reportedly looked around the bed for the sex toy once they realized it was missing—only to discover that it was still inside Phillips, buzzing.
The couple tried—and failed—to remove the toy using a fork handle and barbecue prongs. Eventually, they called an ambulance, and doctors surgically removed the toy. Phillips took to social media to share live updates of the debacle, hoping to inspire others who'd found themselves in a similar situation.
You might be laughing, but Phillips isn't alone. Though her story might seem like a one-of-a-kind trip to the emergency room, Megan Fleming, Ph.D., sex and relationship therapist, tells SELF it's nothing to be embarrassed about. What happened to Phillips could happen to anyone who doesn't take proper precautionary measures. So if you're looking to give sex toy play a try, be careful.
Here, experts share their advice for how to bring sex toys into the bedroom—without ending up in the ER.
Do the prep work—it's necessary.
First things first: Get a toy with a flared base. Because they widen at the bottom, they're less likely to get stuck inside you.
Toys with strings or handles will also suffice, Michael Aaron, Ph.D., New York sex therapist, tells SELF, because they're easier to pull out. If you're using anal beads or another toy that's, well, not a dildo, you'll want to make sure there's some method of retrieval (like a handle, a string, or something else to keep the toy from disappearing fully inside you).
And Fleming recommends playing with the toys on your own before bringing them into partner play. That way, you're more familiar with how they work. You'll also know how deep you can insert them while still being able to comfortably remove them.
Aaron says the next key to anal play is preparation—and lube. He suggests starting small: Use your fingers to prepare the area before you try to go bigger. This will help you loosen up and relax your sphincter muscles in a low-risk way—after all, you can't lose your fingers!
In terms of lube, you'll want to use enough to make things comfortable—but not so much that it's hard to grip the sex toys. And remember, you don't want to pair silicone-based lube with silicone toys because, it will break them down and "gunk things up." Aaron says water-based lube is usually a safe bet.
One more thing: Food can be sexy, but you probably don't want it inside you. "A frozen banana or hot dog might initially provide pleasure," she says. "But as it heats up with your body temperature, so does the risk of it breaking." And let's be honest: The last thing you want is a piece of a frozen hot dog stuck in your rectum.
Sex toy stuck inside you? You have some options.
Start simply: Breathe. "If you panic and get tense, you're also likely contracting your sphincter and pelvic floor muscles," Fleming says. "This will make it harder to find and remove [the toy]." Aaron recommends using extra lube and continuing to relax—your partner might be able to grab the toy and pull it out.
Fleming says you can put one leg up on the toilet and bear down like you're defecating (or giving birth, if the toy is in your vagina) to try to push the toy out, or at least get it far enough down for you to reach it with two clean fingers.
If all else fails, you'll probably want to head to the hospital.
When in doubt, call your gynecologist—or make a trip to the emergency room. Leonardo Huertas, M.D., emergency physician at Northwell Health, tells SELF that severe pain, discomfort, or bleeding after use are all signs that someone should seek immediate medical attention.
But he emphasizes that there's no need to panic: Sometimes things get lost where they shouldn't. Thankfully, we have experts—like Huertas—to remove them when they do.
And a trip to the ER is nothing to be ashamed of. "This might feel embarrassing, but think of it as a badge honor in the exploration of pleasure," Fleming says. "Sex is sometimes messy and unpredictable—it’s part of the journey. The more you play and explore, the more you discover how limitless the possibilities can be."
How's that for a pep talk? But seriously, experimenting with sex toys is totally OK. They can spice things up for some couples—and it's never cool to shame someone for what they do in the bedroom.
So by all means, live your best sex life. Just be careful doing it—no one wants to end up in the ER having a sex toy surgically removed from their derriere (even if it's worth a "sex badge of honor").