8 Reasons You Should Never, EVER Have Sex With A Softboy

By now we all know about the perils of having sex with the Fuckboy. You know, the guy who plays games with your heart, booty texts you at midnight and then falls off the planet except for the odd drunken text. 

He's the worst.

Or is he? 

I thought he definitely was until I learned about the Softboy. 

Softboys are just like Fuckboys only much, much, much, worse. 

Why? Because instead of being all about getting laid and getting the heck out of dodge, Softboys want the sex AND the "girlfriend experience".

They get off just as much on the drama of pretending to form a personal connection with you as they do with your A+ blowjob skills.

It's cool, you think, he's cute, and I'm only looking for something casual anyway. 

It's not cool, and you are going to get really hurt. 

Urban dictionary defines a Softboy as:

"Similar to a Fuckboy but without the cocky attitude. The Softboy will butter a girl up by appealing to her emotions and showing a "sensitive" side long enough for her to sleep with him, whether or not he actually cares about her or not. Then, like the Fuckboy, he can't/won't commit. Differs from the Fuckboy because he goes for the heart and emotions rather than just the body."

If that's not enough to dissuade you, here are 8 reasons not to have sex with a Softboy. 

1. You might not get laid 

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At least when a Fuckboy calls you once a month at 9:30pm on a Friday you know it's going to end in sex and an orgasm. But the Softboy is in the relationship for the long con.

He wants you to feel like you're more than just a piece of meat. So when he calls you for HIS monthly interaction, you might just wind up staring into each other's eyes and listening to records all night — and then nothing else. LAME. 

2. You will constantly feel underdressed

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The Softboy is alllll about appearances. Like, he'll appear to be fascinated by you. But he'll also be obsessed with his OWN appearance. A Softboy owns more hair products than you do. He spends entire paychecks on shoes and has perfected the poetic pout.

He is about cultivating an image, not cultivating a relationship.

3. He's in love with someone else 

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A Fuckboy may be stuck on an ex, but you'll never hear about it because he doesn't trust you with the details of his life.

A Softboy, on the other hand, is very much in love with another woman and he'll talk to you all the time about it. Sadly. He loves her, but it just "wasn't meant to be." The implication is that you could maybe pick up the pieces. But the reality is he's just as unavailable as the average Fuckboy. 

4. He's great at pretend relationships 

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A Softboy doesn't just want you for your body, he wants you to be his "Relationship Lite".

He'll introduce you to his sister, he'll take you out for dinner with his best friends. He'll go out of his way to make you feel like you're part of the crew, and then he'll do that all over again with a new girl next week. 

5. He's the master of mixed signals 

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The Softboy gets off on the drama of dating more than the does on actual sex or romance. You'll shake hands and say hello at a party, and then he'll ignore you all night only to pen a sensitive Tumblr poem about the woman he met in passing the night before. 

6. He's the king of baggage 

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The Softboy pretends to put it allllll on the table. He's telling you about every single relationship he's ever been in on your very first date. Just when you're starting to wonder if he's a secretly bitter jerk (and he is) he'll smile ruefully and say that he's so ready to move on.

He isn't. He can't. 

7. He'll exhaust you with his guilt

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At least after a Fuckboy fucks you he'll feel zero guilt about falling off the face of the earth. Not so with the humble Softboy. Sure, he wanted sex, and no, he didn't want a relationship with you, but he's a good guy.

So expect to hear from him again. Expect the cycle of his guilt and shame to begin anew, again and again until you can't wait to get off the damn ride. 

8. He will never appreciate you 

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A Softboy might swoon over the art on your walls or the carefully crafted playlist you make for him, but never forget that he's not swooning over YOU. He loves the role you play in his life, a supporting character, a cute girl who just isn't deep enough or cool enough or chill enough.

You deserve the moon, not this pale imitation of love.